Finding You

Chapter 4 - What Could Go Wrong?

Despite an embarrassing start, the rest of my morning actually goes pretty smoothly.

And by smoothly, I mean that Sean and I only made awkward eye contact about fifteen times, and honestly, I call that a win.

Mercifully, the bell rings signaling the end of morning classes and the beginning of lunch.

Rose and I make our way to the cafeteria where we purchase our food before quickly finding the table where Zack, Jay, and Alex are already sitting.

"Hey gorgeous," Alex says to Rose with a smile. As she sits down next to him, he greets her with a kiss on the cheek. Rose blushes and stares at him so lovingly that I almost feel like I should look away.

"Would the two of you get a room? No one needs to see that," Zack says, lips twisted in disgust.

Apparently, I'm not the only one.

"Dude, I haven't seen my girlfriend for a whole week," Alex replies, throwing an arm around Rose. "Deal with it."

Zack opens his mouth to reply, but I raise a hand, cutting him off. "Don't bother. I've tried, and trust me, that's not a fight you're going to win," I reply with a roll of my eyes.

Like I said, I'm really happy for them, but I can't help it if I'd rather do almost anything other than be around a lovey-dovey couple right now. All it's been doing is reminding me of how I used to be with Sean.

Actually, they remind me of how we should have been and never were. It makes me wonder how I never saw it coming.

Jay lets out a snort. "Wow, someone's pissed off at being single."

Rose smacks him in the arm, and he yelps in pain. "Leave her alone Jay, it literally just happened. Could you be any more insensitive?"

I wave her off. "Don't worry about it, Rose. Like I said, I'm fine. Besides, I want to be single right now, Jay."

He scoffs. "Trust me, no you don't," he replies. "That is what crazy girls say. One minute you 'just want to be single right now', and the next minute, bam," he claps in my face, "you're forty and you live alone with a dozen cats."

You know, I actually happen to like cats, but I decide to keep that particular detail to myself at the moment because I don't think it'll help make my point.

I roll my eyes at him. "Okay, that's ridiculous. There's no rule that says I have to have a boyfriend at all times, you know. I just don't want another meaningless high school relationship, that's all."

As the words leave my mouth, I spot Sean across the room. I watch as he carries his tray to a table at the far end of the cafeteria and sits down next to a cute, petite blonde.

Jessica. I don't really know her, but I know of her. Or at least, I know what I've heard.

I find it hard to tear my eyes away as the two of them openly flirt. She even goes so far as to run a hand down his back, leaning in quickly to kiss his neck. He smiles and looks down at her with a warmth and familiarity so natural that I know this isn't something new for them.

I first started hearing rumors about the two of them about three weeks after Sean and I officially broke up. There was never anything concrete, just passing whispers here and there.

Still, I guess I've known for a while that there must have been a reason things changed so suddenly between the two of us. That there was another reason he had broken things off, something besides the reasons he gave me.

But speculating is one thing, hearing the rumors was another. Seeing it with my own eyes is something completely different.

I thought it would hurt the first time I actually saw them together, that it would feel like a twist of the knife or a punch to the stomach, but it doesn't. I feel numb to it almost, like my emotions are already piled so high that adding one more weight doesn't topple the delicate balance. It shifts it though, makes it feel strange and different.