Deliverance (Fem x Stem)

16

Teyanne Sully

I chilled at my house as I waited for my mother to come over. She needed my help decorating some baskets for a group of new church members but she didn't want anyone to know she had my assistance. I had made the trip back to Christiano to bond with her a bit since we were still rocky from my coming out. I was eager to get back to all of the partying I was doing in Houston though. I also vaguely felt guilty for not telling Lilliana that my mother let me complete online work for my classes, but Lilliana hadn't reached out to me for any money so she must be doing okay.

Right?

I needed to go to a party while I was down here. That would settle my nerves and allow me to experience the dating pool here. No one had to know who I was, I'd use a fake name and enjoy countless sleepless nights with women I wouldn't know. I wanted to experience that life- it seemed so amazing.

My doorbell rung and I bounced up, nervously tugging at the head of my faded t-shirt. It had been numerous weeks since I had seen my mother and I honestly wanted to know if her opinion of me had changed.

I unlocked the door and she stood there adjusting her own clothes, several baskets decorated on her arms. "I took an Uber out because I didn't want my car seen around these parts," she declared.

I nodded, trying to keep my expression emotionless as I closed the door behind her. "We can work on the baskets on the couch or at the table. Whatever works for you," I told her lightly. She decided on the couch and placed two baskets in the large space between us. My usually comfy couch now felt uncomfortable as she pulled out bow, ribbon, a glue gun, and small designs from her large Saint Laurent purse.

"Have you changed your mind?" she asked me.

I wore an expression of confusion as I picked up the basket near me and inspected it. My grandmother sometimes wove baskets and knitted purses. This looked like her familiar handiwork. "About what?" I asked, trying to buy myself time as I realized what she had meant.

She waved her hand at me like it summed things up. "About this whole 'you're gay' nonsense," she said with a huff. I stayed quiet and started tying the ribbon around the basket so that I could see how much I needed to cut off. It was a rainbow ribbon of all things, while she hadn't told me whether these baskets were specific or nondescript for the newcomers, I imagine the rainbow ribbons were a taunt towards me rather than something gender neutral.

"Well?" she stated with irritation in her tone.

Gosh. Sometimes I hated how she still treated me like a child. Like I couldn't make my own decisions. You know the feeling when someone tells you to do something that you're already doing or about to do- that's how she always makes me feel. It had gotten to the point where I almost felt incompetent and lesser than her. She must not think much good of me if she thinks I can't understand simple things or do them on my own. And it's crazy because yes, I partied my first few months of college (that I didn't attend), but before that I had never given her a reason to...distrust me I guess you could say.

And this treatment had been going on long before my fun college days.

"No," I said lowly towards her, continuing to fiddle with the basket. I laid the cut ribbon across it and reached for the glue gun. "Why not, Teyanne? I've been patient with you, waiting for you to see that you're wrong and-

"If you-

I clamped my mouth shut and continued to work. If she didn't have anything nice to say, why bother coming over? I'm sure she could have enlisted some other church youth to help her out. I could have been in Houston feeling free, but instead I was in the confining town of Christiano.

"What?" she demanded.

"If you came here to judge me, then," I finished my sentence with a heavy shrug.

"The only one who can judge you is God, Teyanne. You're making the wrong decision, and you're actively sinning. He will still forgive you if you leave this phase behind you. Come back and join our church. Leaving behind this sinful life and joining Christ may show other church members that they too can do that as well," my mother attempted a smile towards me.

"I don't personally believe my lifestyle is a sin, Mother. Who's to say that the way we interpret the Bible is correct, or that rules and words haven't been changed? I don't believe I'm sinning because me being with a woman isn't hurting anyone. The only thing it's stopping is me from having my own child. That's the only thing two women can't do together naturally- besides putting a real dick into each other, so excuse me if I want to be happy," my voice rose at the end.

"Teyanne, you will not-

"I will. My house, my rules," I told her angrily. "If you don't like it, take your stupid baskets with you and go somewhere else if you can't respect me."

My mother stood astonished, then snatched up her things and supplies. "If you feel that way, don't ask me for nothing and don't even dream about coming back to Christiano, daughter," she spat.

"I'd only have nightmares about coming back to this judgmental place. I'm your daughter," my mother was walking towards the door, "you're supposed to love me no matter what!" My heart ached as I saw her slam the door behind herself. Tears rolled down my face as I went and locked the door back up. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to remind myself that I was strong.

What had happened to her saying she accepted me and that she would love me any way that I was?

Growing up so close minded and having religion forced on me since birth, I had still managed to find what made me happy and actually achieve that. Even if Lilliana was my stepping stone towards a better life, that didn't mean she shouldn't be apart of my future.

I stopped, my tears halting too as I wondered where that thought had came from. I dismissed it as me being emotional and wanting emotional support, and started walking back up to my bedroom. I laid down, not bothering to indulge in my secret this time around. I simply decided to masturbate my feelings away, letting my waist tilt up as I moaned in my empty, lonely house.