Things I've never told you

I don't want to think about you

After Donna was laid to rest, Mia's parents invited everyone over for a post-funeral reception. I thought it was going to be weird to be inside Donna's house but I felt like I was at home. Everywhere I looked, I had a memory from my childhood.

I placed the empty tray of sandwiches on the counter, "hey mom, sandwiches can be refilled now."

She replaced the empty one with another one she took out from the fridge. My eyes stayed on the refrigerator door as I looked at the smiling faces of mine, Derek, Dominic, and Mia's high school graduation photos. Every year, my parents would order a couple of sizes extra to give to Donna. She was always so proud whenever she got an updated picture of us. "thanks honey, have you seen Mia's parents anywhere?"

"I think I saw her mom in the living room talking to some people?" 

I've only met Mia's parents a handful of times when they used to drop her and Dom off in the summer when they were kids but I didn't have much of an opinion of them. Mia on the other hand had very strong opinions about her parents that she made clear every time they came to visit once she and Dom started staying with Donna permanently.

"Why do you ask?" I asked mom and started to take the saran wrap off the new batch of sandwiches.

She nodded out of the kitchen window, "Mia's been out there since she came from the funeral and I think she could really use someone right now."

I looked out the window and found Mia on the swing set we used to play on when we were kids with a blank stare on her face.

"Why don't you go out there, honey?"

I looked down at the tray in my hands, "I'll just bring this out –"

"I can take that, babe," Sadie came up beside me, "you go ahead," she whisked the tray away from me and I looked back out the window at Mia.

I took a deep breath and opened the sliding doors to the backyard. Walking down the path to the swing set gave me a feeling of nostalgia, to my right was the fence when I first met Dom and Mia. I pulled my lips into my mouth to try and hide the smile. Who knew the little girl on the other side of the fence would mean so much to me?

"Hey," I sat down in the swing next to her, "where've you been?"

She continued staring ahead, "here," she answered quietly, "where've you been? I feel like I haven't seen you since the day you came home."

I scratched the back of my head, "Yeah, sorry about that. I've been kind of busy." I felt so guilty inside because I had been avoiding Mia ever since she came over not because I wanted to. Seeing Mia so withdrawn and sad made me want to hold my best friend tight and make the hurt and sadness disappear. But I knew if I did that, it would dig up the feelings I had for her that I was trying so hard to keep down.

She started swinging slowly, "the house feels so empty without her." She wiped a stray tear from her face, "Grammy was only 4'11" you know. How is it that someone so tiny could have such a big presence?"

I chuckled, "because it was her personality and the way she loved that made her seem bigger than everyone else."

I turned to look at her, "I'm sorry you lost her, Mia."

She shook her head and wiped more tears that fell from her eyes, "you lost her too, Dani. When we were younger I used to be jealous of you because it felt like Grammy liked you better than me." She looked at me with a smile but her eyes were still sad, "now I can't say I blame her."

"Don't say that, Mia," I frowned, "Do you remember when we thought it was a good idea to do a slip and slide downstairs in your basement when Donna was babysitting us?"