Living with Handsome Satan (book 2)

Chapter 20- Matts POV

Sydney is going to be home soon and I still don't know what I am going to say. I want to make it quick for both of us and not drag it out. I even thought about just leaving a note and disappearing, thankfully Tom talked me out of that one.

Originally I wasn't going to tell anyone about this plan to break up with Sydney but that idea didn't really work. Sometime in late May we were all home for Sydney's bridal shower hosted by my mom and Lily, Tom and I decided to spend the day together just the two of us. He cornered me, drilled me about New Years and I broke. Finding out I was sick was hard for him. I think he cried just as much as I did that day. Since then he has been trying to help me with this break up though he doesn't fully support my idea. In all honestly I barely support my own idea.

"Fuck," I scream pacing around our bedroom. Should I do it up here? Should I go downstairs and say it and then walk out the house and not look back? Should I at least bring the last of my bags downstairs?

I want to make this as painless as possible for her even as my heart feels like it is being dug out of my chest with a rusty spoon. I told Tom that today when he came over to help me pack up all my stuff. I expected my best friend to be mildly sympathetic to my pain but instead he replied with no fucking shit you're making a mistake Matt.

But I am not. This is what is best for her. I see the pain Tom is in now that he knows and I can't do that to her too.

I sit on the bed and look around. It's hard to see from here but my dresser drawers are empty, my side of the closet bare, and my stuff in the bathroom gone. I also removed all the pictures of us in the house. That part hurt a lot so Tom did most of it while I shoved my shit into bags and tried not to change my mind.

Tom offered to be here now but I wanted Malcolm out of the house so it was easier and quicker to leave after I said what I needed to say. I was going to leave Malcolm with Sydney originally knowing she loves him just as much as I do but then I thought maybe the reminder and burden of caring for him would be too much on top of everything else.

I wonder when she will call off the wedding? Tonight maybe? Or will she take some time to process? Will she ask Julia, her maid of honor, to do it like I have saddled my best man with all life problems?

I hear the front door open and I grab my own knees for support. I love this girl more than I will ever love myself which is why I need to do this.

The bedroom door opens and I try to stop the tears running down my face. Her mere presence chips away at the little confidence I managed to build up about breaking up with her. Because that is what I am about to do. Break up with her. I rarely say the words even to myself because they don't feel right. We were supposed to be together forever, that was the plan from the very start. Who will hold her when she can't sleep. Who will laugh at her bad jokes? Rub her back when her cramps are basically crippling? Who is going to take care of her now?

I am on a downward spiral as I think about the reality of leaving her but her voice pulls me from my own self destructive thoughts. "Where is Malcolm?"

I don't dare look up. I can't meet her eyes. Tom is right I am a coward.

"Sydney," I sigh, not sure where to even start. I don't have a chance to continue as she begins to panic.

"Where is he? Where is my boy! Is he ok?" Frantically she races downstairs to look for him. I wonder if maybe I should have left him with her. Maybe Tom can talk to her tomorrow once everything has sunk in and ask her if she wants him. I just want to do right by her even now but I need to accept that I can't.

I grab her shoulder as she tries to look outside for him. God how badly I want to pull her into my arms and assure her he is ok. I opt to rip the bandaid off instead. "He is with Tom. He picked him up earlier today to get him settled."