Living with Handsome Satan (book 2)

Chapter 34

I can't sleep. I couldn't sleep all night. I tried desperately to sleep. Matt even tried to help me fall asleep with some physical activity but it didn't work. I have been lying awake for hours letting my mind wreak havoc.

Matt's doctors appointment is at 9am which is less than two hours now. We landed in Michigan around 11pm last night and came to the hotel. Matt was able to fall asleep as soon as he laid in bed but I tossed and turned for hours. Eventually my tossing got bad enough I woke Matt up and he attempted to use sex to exhausted me to the point where I would have to fall asleep. A countless number of mind altering orgsams later, still nothing. I am not really sure what I am nervous about. I know it is either Matt can do the trial or not and even if he can doesn't mean he will want to, but I guess I just want everything to go right today so Matt has the best chance.

Matt next to me is still sound asleep, his arm across my stomach holding me to him. Nick when we first started hanging out told me Matt can sleep anytime anywhere and boy was he right. Matt has fallen asleep at wrestling matches when he still needs to wrestle, not even because he's tired but like a little kid he can just always sleep. I am jealous of him now as I continue to stare at the ceiling.

Eventually the ceiling starts to piss me off and I wiggle from Matt's death grip and sneak off to the bathroom. I turn on the shower hoping to relax my tense body with the warm spray.

I put on some music on my phone hoping my brain will focus on the lyrics instead of what is going on today. As I step into the nearly boiling shower Wonderland by Taylor Swift comes on. I begin mindlessly singing as I stand under the water.

"Didn't they tell us don't rush into things? Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?"

I am so caught up in the lyrics as I sing them memories begin flashing through my mind on their own. I grab the shampoo bottle and begin shampooing my hair as the song continues. I am vaguely aware of the tears fighting to fall as I continue to sing. The air become so thick I am gasping for air as I continue to sing.

"I felt your arms twisting around me. It's all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind"

I grab the wall as I keep singing, needing something to support me. God why does everything have to remind me of him? How am I supposed to survive one day when I can't even listen to music without my head filling with thousands of imagines of his smile and devious eyes that had me trapped from the first time I was them.

I begin to slip down the wall, my legs no longer able to support me as I cry harder still singing the damn song. "I reached for you, but you were gone," I sob over the music and the water beating down against me as I lay on the floor of the shower.

"Baby," Matt's concerned voice rips me from the hell my own head created.

Without hesitation he is on the floor soaking his sweatpants as he scoops me up into his arms while I hold onto him as tightly as I can.

"Sh, I am right here baby. I am right here," he whispers against the side of my head over and over but I can't stop. I am still sobbing and gasping for air. Matt reaches up and turns the shower off then pauses the music on my phone. "Shhh it's ok baby."

"It's not ok, none of this is ok Matt," I sob some more.

"I know," his voice cracks. "But I need you to be strong my girl."

"I can't," I protest, shaking my head as he pulls me away from his chest so he can look at me.

"That is a lie. You are stronger than anyone I have ever met Sydney. It is one of the millions of reasons why I love you."