Anonymous therapy |Jakehoon

16 [ overthinking ]

how disappointed will he be again?

how many will be the people that wll hurt him?

why does it always end like this?

is he too good for this world or is he the problem? he is the problem, or at least that's what he thought. there wasn't another explaination for all this pain, a part from him deserving it. he deserved all of it.

he wasn't going out with nobody, he wasn't even going out of his room. he did just for school.

he headed out and faked a smile for the whole day, faked a smile with everybody, faked to be okay. but how long could he still keep it? how long could he act? how long could he pretend?

when he got in his room, he could stop. stop smiling and being numb or sad again. his brother tried to make him smile and feel better, trying to make him open up, but the boy just felt nothing. he was happy that his brother cared and still tried for him, but he couldn't feel that happiness. and he felt sorry for that.

it had passed four days from the last time sunghoon tried to talk to him. maybe he didn't really care, he didn't really love him. but sometimes, he could swear to feel the boy's eyes on his skin. burning it. leaving immaginary marks that would make the other happy. but when he looked, the boy was just studying, looking at somewhere else or talking with his new seatmate.

he probably didn't even want to feel or see jake behind him. did he feel disgusted by him?

jake would accept it. he sometimes felt disgusted with himself too. how could he keep going when the one who he talked about all of this wasn't an option?

"jake are you there?" his brother asked him. they were talking about random stuff and then he just zoned out. "y- yeah sorry." he apologized with a small smile.

"i asked heeseung about what's happening to you..." the oldest of the two brothers started talking.

jake eyes opened wide from this phrase. he just hoped his best friend didn't tell him nothing. he didn't want to be a problem for his brother too. and he didn't even want to talk about sunghoon, he needed to stop those feelings towards the boy and talking about him wouldn't help for sure.

"and.. did he tell you something?!" he asked whispering-yelling.

"yes, he did. don't be angry with him, he just wants your best. heeseung thought i could help you." he said justifying his brother's friend. jake didn't do anything. he just kept his head low and waited for other words to leave his brother's mouth.

"jake i don't want to tell you what to do. i am not in the right place to do it, i don't know how you're feeling and i don't even know this boy heeseung told me about. i just want to talk about it and i want you to think about it for a long time and then take a choose. people can't even imagine of being perfect. you are not perfect, i am not perfect and this sunghoon is not perfect..." he took a long breath before continuing.

"we all can make errors and hurting others is not always the intention. sometimes it just happen. and when we are young, we can make a lot of errors that make us grow up and be more mature. maybe his intention wasn't hurting you, maybe he just didn't know what to do or didn't want to make you upest. maybe he was scared. before cutting him from you life, think about it." his brother said patting his shoulder.

what should he do for real? should he talk to the boy and forget him?

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there might be some errors because i didn't check and correct. this part where they don't talk and etc... will not last long. this book is going to be most fluffy?? or something like that. i want to finish it soon too. and if it going to become/is cringe sorry. tomorrow i will do the vaccine so i will not upload for sure, but i will try to write some chapters and maybe end it al least in the drafts.

short chapter.