Anonymous therapy |Jakehoon

17 [ dream ]

sunghoon sited at his usual place in the classroom. his seatmate wasn't still there too occupy his mind, so he was free to let the boy who hunted him even in his sleep, occupy his mind again.

a whole week had passed but they hadn't talked yet. he saw the boy from times to times look at him, but he would immediately look away. what was even happening?

when he found out that the two were the same person he was so happy, but now? how could he be happy when he was not talking with not even one of them. he missed jake.

even skating was not giving him an happy feeling knowing the boy would not be there to look at him. the others also noticed him.

"sunghoon what is happening? you don't have the same energy." or bullshits like that.

he was so tired of everything. the only time he could talk to the boy was in his dreams, and sometimes it turned out as a nightmare. and sometimes he could not even sleep at night, he fall asleep in class and get detention that made him go home late, eat late, make his homework in a rush and go to pratice. it was all in a rush and was so tiring.

by the other hand, jake wasn't going better. his mind continued repeating his brother's words. his eyes always landed on the boy. his heart kept beating like crazy everytime they interviewed looks or he just looked at him for a bit more than usual, but it also kept aching. he still feared the boy could lie again if he let him in his life and maybe heart.

even if he pratically owned his heart. but jake would not let him in until he was sure about him.

a sigh escaped his mouth when he sited in his math class. the only class he had with sunghoon and the one he loved and hated the most.

loved cause DAMN HE WAS WITH SUNGHOON.

but hated because DAMN HE WAS WITH SUNGHOON.

he put his head in between his hands in a desperate manner. opened his book and started repeating the last lesson they had. just to take his mind occupied.

the math formulas and theory was pretty boring, but it kept him occupied and helped him to make his grades go up. but a feeling made him stop.

it wasn't the first time he felt this, but it was strange everytime. someone looking at him. he had catched him a time so he knew who it was, a part from it being obvious.

it made him happy because the raven boy was still thinking about it, but was that what he really wanted? he didn't know it. he wanted the boy to kept his eyes on him, think to him and maybe talk to him. selfish, he knew that.

but it made him uncomfortable and because the younger boy was looking at him like that. he felt it like if someone was making cuts on his back. his eyes were too focused and could not let him focus on other things. and by another point of view, this point of view, he did not want the boy to still look at him. he didn't want to hear his heart beat increase, the heat on his face and the things in his stomach that people referred as 'butterfly'.

what the fuck should he do about it? it was the most difficult choose he ever had to make.

they always said 'teenage dream', when you make your first experience. you grow, have your first serious loves, first heartbroke, you get to know who your real friends are and how to know what's bad and what is the best... yeah and all that shits they say.

but wasn't that hurt too much? wasn't that teenage too cruent?

he really felt like yell. sometimes he would just do it.

he sometimes just layed down on his bed. jake sometimes laughed even if there was nothing to laugh about, maybe he was going crazy? but who cares, we all are a little crazy, right?

or sometimes he cried. let his heart out. let those tears consume him. maybe crying was a liberation, but after that things didn't changed. that's why jake really hated cry. they were useless. being honest, jake hated emotions. they just made people suffer or be too happy to know other people's hurt.

and finally, sometimes he didn't make noises at all. we could say he was praticing being dead. no emotion were out and in the inside he was numb. but his mind was never. it was never clean, never empty. it was alway full of thoughts he wanted to stop.

but we can't just stop them, can we?

---

it's getting more and more shitty i think.

opinions?