Wiped Clean

18. What are we?

Caia

Things hadn't been the same between them in a couple of days. Despite Annika agreeing to keep things the same between them, she had been distant, and always busy with work. She always had an excuse to not be alone with Caia. They still slept in the same bed, but Annika had been going to bed late, well after Caia had fallen asleep. They didn't cuddle. Didn't touch.

So Caia found distractions. She spent time with Hallie, or helping in any way she could. But that distance left her feeling sad. She wanted Annika back. She wanted her to look at her with intensity and lust. Instead, she received a quick kiss on the cheek every now and then, and nothing more. Annika needed time to heal, and Caia needed to be patient.

Caia lifted her gaze as Annika entered the room after having taken Hallie to bed. She smiled. "That didn't take as long as I'd expected."

"No," Annika said, smiling back. "Despite the argument, she was very tired."

"She just doesn't like missing out," Caia said.

"Well..." Annika said, and Caia knew what was next. "I've got a lot of work to do, so I'll be in my study."

"Or you could take the night off. We could watch a movie together."

All Caia wanted was for things to go back to normal. She could respect Annika's need for them to not be sexual, but she hated this cold distance between them. It made her feel lonely. Lost.

For the first time in days, Annika lifted her gaze and looked into Caia's eyes. She saw her, instead of looking through her. She took a few steps to close the distance between them. "I'm sorry," she said, taking Caia's hand. "I know I've been distant."

"I just want to be with you. You've been avoiding me and..." Caia's eyes watered. "I feel lonely. I live in the same house as you and I feel like you're barely even here."

Annika wrapped her arms around Caia and pulled her close. "I'm sorry I've made you feel that way."

"Can we just... do something together?"

Annika smiled. "Sure. Let's watch that movie."

Despite her excitement, Caia was nervous. They had barely touched in days. With the movie on, and the lights off, all she could think about was how close they were.

"Move over," Annika said, grabbing the blanket from the back of the couch.

"What?" Caia asked, looking at the cushions.

With a smile, Annika patted the couch in front of where Caia was laying. "I want to lay behind you." She slotted herself in between Caia's back and the lounge, before wrapping an arm around her. "Is this okay?"

"It's perfect," Caia said, snuggling back against her.

As the movie played out, Annika held Caia tighter and closer against her. Her hand was beneath Caia's shirt, pressed against her abdomen. "Are you still okay?"

Caia twisted in place so that she was facing Annika. "I'm not afraid of you. I'm not repulsed by you. You've done nothing wrong."

"I know that in theory," Annika whispered. "I still can't shake it. That feeling of having done something awful to you."

"And that's why you've been avoiding me?"

"Yes."

"I wish you wouldn't. I know it makes you feel sick... I make you feel sick."

"No. Not you. Never you."

Caia leant her head against Annika's chest. "I'm so sorry I put you in this position."