Apathy

16| Father-Daughter

V I N C E N Z O

Yesterday Astraea returned home drunk. She didn't even spare us a glance, she immediately went up to her room. I know that I haven't interacted with the triplets or tried to bond with them since they returned home. But it is just that I am afraid. I haven't been the best father to my sons. Losing my youngest sons and only daughter broke me and to make the matter worse, after a few years, I lost my father— the man who taught me everything that I know and my twin brother– Valentino, also died. I lost the man that raised me, the man I looked up to, and I lost my other half.

My mother fell into depression, losing the love of her life and one of her sons killed her. And my younger brothers had no one to guide them anymore. I was dead from the inside, I couldn't be a son to my mother, a big brother to my siblings, I couldn't be a good husband to my wife and I couldn't be a great father to my children.

It was too much pain for me to handle. Too many losses. Too much death.

I resorted to alcohol, drugs, and killing. I wasted a year of my life. Helena and I start fighting a lot, to a point where the word divorce was bought into the conversation. But when I saw the state my wife and children were in. The state I put my family in. I snapped out of it. I went to rehab and therapy. Once I got better I returned home to my family.

I tried my best to be the father that my children deserved, but I failed. They deserved better. The guilt was eating me alive, it blinded me so much that I couldn't do my job as a father right. I distance myself from everyone. Antonio and I had the best relationship because I had trained him to take my place as the Boss of the Regio's Mafia. I spent years blaming myself for the broken state in my family, But when my wife understood what I was thinking, she sat and talked to me, she made me understand, and from that day I had done my best to be a good husband for her, a good father for my sons, a good brother for my siblings and a good son for my mother. And I would like to say that I am succeeding.

I couldn't have done it without Helena

She stayed strong for me, for her children. Even though she was breaking on the inside. She was there for us. She pulled us back from the darkness when she needed someone to do the same for her. I don't deserve her. She is too good for me. But now I try my best to be the perfect husband she deserves.

I am the luckiest guy on earth. Having her by my side was a privilege I didn't deserve.

I am scared. What if I can't be the Dad the triplets needs. I haven't been here for their first day of school or to see them grow up. What if they hate me? what if they think that I am a shitty dad?

I am terrified of what they will think about me, because their opinion matters. So I hid, I don't give them anything to criticize or judge, if they don't know me they can't hate me, right?

"Baby, they won't hate you" I heard her angelic voice, I hadn't realized that I had my head buried in my palms. I looked at her worried eyes, my own softening at the sight of my wife. She came and sat next to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder reassuringly and kissed my forehead softly " we all made mistakes, you were in a dark place when you did yours. But unlike some people you tried to fix your mistakes. Look at you now, the best husband I can ask for. And our kids love you and look up to you. They know how strong you were, if others went through what you have been through they may have not survived. Stop letting your past mistakes define you, Stop letting them cloud your judgment"

"thank you, my love"

She smiled at me warmly, her face filled with love and adoration. She didn't look at me differently because of what I did years ago. She wasn't disgusted with me. She truly is an angel send from heaven to save me.