Letters To And From

May Anth

Dearest Kade,

Wow, you don't know what it took for me not to listen to my grandpa and hope on the train to come and get you.. so I could hold you in my arms and tell you everything is going to be okay. But i knew I couldn't leave grandpa here alone. I wish there was someone else who would get over them self and at least give me a chance to do that.. even just once.

So hopefully my words will be enough Kade, everything is going to be okay. I know how cliche that line is but I hope you believe me anyway. And everything Drew said to you is absolutely spot on. And I have a feeling I'm going to get along well with her. I wish I could thank her for being your rock when I can't be. But that would defeat the purpose I guess.
I'm glad her family have taken you in and I hope you feel safe there.

We are such messes Kade aren't we but you're right we are but halves of one puzzle that need the other to feel like a whole. And knowing you are out there keeps me going too. I love you Kade.

Grandpa is doing better, mentally at least. The man is turning to skin and bone before my eyes and there's nothing I can do but watch. Sorry that was morbid. The doctor came in yesterday and considering everything they actually think he is coping well and might respond well to some medication.. which is something. But is it better to artificially prolong someone's life or let them go peacefully. Sorry again I'm in a morbid mood.

But trust me I am okay. No more tempting fate, staring down a substance I know I cannot handle. And I hope your doing as well as I am.. or better I hope. I know something about the demons that try to push you over the edge. I won't let mine if you don't let yours.

Here's a sweet story that my grandpa told me about before he met my grandma and it made me think of you.

When my grandpa was nineteen he met a another boy at work. They worked in a factory line side by side. He tells me the boy's name was Harry. What started as two nineteen year olds at a boring job who had nothing better to do than to make conversation blossomed into a friendship then into a sweet, all be it secret romance between the two. Back then Harry and Grandpa had to keep their relationship a secret so they would be safe from society. He wouldn't elaborate but I know a thing or two about queer history and I know you do too.

Grandpa said that they even talked about how they wished they could get married but they both knew that could never happen. How crazy is that? We should very much cherish how lucky we are these days is the lesson I take out of all of this.

Anyway, the part that made me think about you the most was when grandpa said that Harry's family moved interstate they wrote each other letters. Much like we do. I will have to show you one day the ones Grandpa has from Harry, they sound like us. Sharing there struggles just like we do. So sweet it's really too bad that they lost contact over the years when they met their wives. But that won't happen to us, I promise you Kade.

Missing you more and more each day.
Love Always, Anth
Xx