Letters To And From

September Anth:

So we arrive back at Grandpa's house and I can't stop looking over my shoulder at Kade.
They notice and smile sheepishly.

"What Anth?" They blush. In that moment I see the Kade that I spent the summer with. The blush easy, impossibly shy but happy version.
And they're here with me.. not just in writing.. but in person.

"I'm just so happy you're here." I say and feel a smile spread across my face that has almost felt foreign lately.
Kade smiles and gives me a quick peck on the cheek before I call out to Grandpa.

He's been able to move around a bit more due to the meds the doctors have put him on. They are supposed to relieve the pressure on his joints or something? I don't know I'm not a doctor. But he seems better. He still hobbles around and looks like he's in pain a lot of the time but it's an improvements you have seen what I have over the past six months.

"I'm in my room Anth!" He calls. "Bring Kade in too I want to meet him."

Oh no that's awkward. A feel my breath quicken as well as my heart. I look to Kade who has tensed up beside me. I'm about to correct him but then he does that himself. I can relax now.

"Oh shit." He says sounding particularly embarrassed. "Them, bring them in. Just get in here the two of you." He says.

I take Kade's hand and lead him down the hall way. They look at me and smile. I think they are flattered by the correction. Phew.

Grandpa is sitting in his rocking chair. I still never can quite get used to seeing his frail state. His skin looking like it's so prone to skin tears. His face drawn and pale. He looks up when he hears us come in the room.

He smiles warmly at both of us.
"How was the train ride? I miss doing that." He asks.
"It was fine." I say. "This one slept." A little laugh escapes my lips and Kade nudges me playfully.
Grandpa smiles warmly at our antics.
"I'm so sorry I miss gendered you back there Kade. I feel awful." He says as his smile slowly fades.

Kade shakes their head. "You corrected yourself that means more than anything else to me." And they smile warmly, bringing the smile back to Grandpa's face.

Grandpa turns to me with a look that says. Oh aren't they adorable. And I nod.

"Kade, come over here." Grandpa waves them over. "Can I give you a hug? Is that okay?" Damn my grandpa is so cool and woke! I'm a proud grandson.

Kade smiles and nods. They give my grandpa a hug and it's the most wholesome things I've ever seen. And I know it means a lot to the both of them. My heart warms against my chest.
Grandpa whispers something in Kade's ear and they laugh. Something off handed about me I'm sure but I don't care they are bonding so nicely.

"Anth, be a dear and grab Harry's letters for me. We can look through them together." Grandpa says pointing over to his desk where I left the letters the other day.

I grab the letters and hand them to him. He smiles at me and looks me over with his drawn eyes full of concern. He's been doing that everyday since I "fell off the wagon"
He told me he wouldn't keep alcohol in the house anymore. That he doesn't know why he had it in the first place. Says he can't look at it knowing what my father became.

"You're better than him though, Anth. He never had a sponsor or even tried to kick the addiction." And though it gives me some comfort I still feel horrible deep down. I can't forgive myself for putting him through all of that again.

Grandpa smiles and hands the letters to Kade.
"Anth tells me you are a writer?" He asks.
Kade nods as they read through the letters. Their face softens as they read Harry's word. The only way I can describe Kade's face is overcome with emotion, I'm worried they'll start crying but instead they smile.
"These are beautiful." They say, their voice soft and emotional.

I wrap my arm around their waist and they relax back into me. I kiss the back of their head. They smile up at me but then I notice they are tracing a cut on their arm with their finger. All I can think to do is lace my fingers through theirs to stop them.
Grandpa must pick up on it all because he says.

"I'm going to get some sleep, you two go take some some time to yourselves." His voice is warm and kind. Kade softens beside me.
"Do you need some help?" I ask instinctively.
"No Anth, I've got this. You go take care of Kade. Show him to your room, get him settled." He says with a smile at Kade.
Kade thanks him and says how wonderful it is to have met him.

"The pleasure is all mine Kade." Grandpa says settling himself into his bed. I take Kade's hand and lead him down the hallway to my room.

"Hey." I say.
"Hey." They respond. Their is something bothering them I can feel it. I open the door to my room. Kade's bag is where I left it in the hallway. I scoop it up and put it at the end of my bed for now.

"We can unpack later, first I want you to talk to me, tell me what's bothering you." I say sitting down on my bed and pulling them into my lap so they are facing me.
"You are good." That's definitely a Kade guilty face.

"Out with it then." I say running my fingers through their soft blonde hair. They hesitate for a moment but then they open up to me.

"I don't want you to have to look after me when you're already looking after your grandpa. But if I'm being honest I'm still not in the greatest place mentally and the last thing I want to do is make all of this harder on you." Kade laces their fingers through mine but won't meet my eyes.

My heart aches.
"Hey." I say tilting their chin up and then they meet my eyes. "Do you think I'm doing much better? If anything we'll be looking after each other. And You being here is already making me breathe easier and even relax a bit. I needed you here all a long. So I'm so glad you finally are." I say. And I just take all of Kade in while they are sitting in front of me. They're beautiful. A freaking angel on earth and they are here with me.. right now.