Allured

120

Jisoo's heels are making a clunking sound as she makes her way to the almost empty parking lot. It was dim and there were no people around. They have already gone home since the event was over for more than an hour already. It was really quiet that she could hear her heartbeat. A little farther away from walking, she stopped on her tracks and looked at the corner.

There she saw him... Taehyung.

He was leaning on his black sports car, head bowed down as he was looking on his phone, scrolling silently. Just as if he felt her stares, he lifted his gaze and turned his head to her direction.

Then, their eyes met.

Taehyung stood properly and Jisoo silently went near him. She stopped when they were already facing each other.

"Hi," Jisoo whispered awkwardly.

"Hi," he answered, staring at her.

She didn't say anything but she moved and stood beside him, leaning on his car too. Over a minute passed before she decided to break the ice.

"Taehyung..." she started, looking in front of her.

"Yeah?" he retorted, just looking in front, too.

"About us..." she said softly and sighed.

"I'm sorry," they suddenly said in unison, making them finally look at each other and let out a soft smile.

Then, it was Taehyung who continued first.

"I let my emotions control me and said awful things. I disregarded your feelings, I forgot how much trauma you've been through. I was just... Tired. It's wrong to lash it out on you and to blame you for it."

"I knew what I was entering when we started our relationship. You did tell me your past and worries, after all. I knew you were not really ready so I'm sorry if I hurt you and for all the other actions I did that I never realized was taking its toll on you. I'm sorry for what I said,'' he confessed while looking at her but he averted his gaze after he finished talking.

Jisoo shook her head lightly with a smile before speaking, "I'm sorry too," she said, not wanting to look at him.

"I'm sorry if I didn't trust you enough and if I just keep on taking and not giving in return. I'm sorry for being so tiring and for always doubting you, for making you feel that you are not doing enough for us... For not giving it my all when you have given yours. It was unfair," she sighed.

"I was still holding back that you were forced to adjust alone. It was all my self-issues that I brought into our relationship. The conflicts started with me because I was not whole, I ended up dragging you into my pit, too. Which is wrong, no matter how hurt I was. It has nothing to do with you," Jisoo paused.

She looked up to control the tears from falling and sighed, "I think... My trauma is not gonna change anytime soon," she closed her eyes and smiled sadly.

"And I think as long as I can't fix it, we shouldn't be together," she finished and finally looked at him with teary eyes.

"So..." Taehyung averted his gaze and bowed down to his hand.

"It's really over for us?" he met her eyes again with a sad smile.

"I... I need to fix myself. Alone," she answered.

"I understand," he said while staring at her intently.

"Taehyung..." she looked in front again and pursed her lips before saying,

"My healing will take time. I don't know when I'll fully heal my wounds, my scars, my pain... Or when I can let go of my past to truly move forward. It will be a long process," she admitted.

"I need to do this for myself," she whispered and took his hand.

She intertwined their fingers and played with it, "Honestly, I want you to stay. To be with me, while I fix myself... But that will be too selfish. As long as I'm broken, I'll hurt you. We might hurt each other again... It just won't work, but—"

"Can you..." she trailed off before lifting her gaze to him.

"Can you wait for me?" she asked with glistening, hoping eyes, a tear quickly escaping. He just stared at her for seconds before answering.

"I don't know," he said.

Jisoo smiled bitterly and loosened her grip on his hands, she was about to pull it but he held it firmly and lifted it to his lips, planting a soft kiss.

"I don't know— why..." they stared at each other's eyes as he paused,

"Why I can't let you go," he added and smiled at her.

She was stunned and just locked her orbs with him. Seconds passed as his face slowly went near hers and held her cheeks lightly. Then, he kissed her.

Unlike their other kisses, this was painfully slow and soft. They poured all their suppressed emotions to each other. All the regrets, the sorrys, the what ifs, the maybes and their wishful hopes to one another...

Everything they have said, everything they failed to say, and everything they cannot say— they conveyed it all to one passionate kiss.

Taehyung tilted his head and kissed her from a different angle. Jisoo held on to his arm and responded to him. Then, he slowly pulled away and stared at her. His thumb rubbing her cheeks.

"After all this, I learned one thing..." he placed his forehead on hers,

"And that is I still want you," he smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear,

"And I think I will always want you no matter what," he added.

Jisoo cried silently and Taehyung, too. His hands were shaking lightly as he held her face. Then, he pulled her closer for a hug. He placed his chin on her head and closed his eyes while tears kept on falling from his eyes.

"Baby... Fix yourself, and then please..." he paused and caressed her hair lightly.

"Please come back to me," he whispered before placing a soft long kiss on her forehead. 

They both wept in each other's embrace.

It was an act of letting go.

It was an act of taking a breather, of being separated and accepting that sometimes people need to grow apart— so they can grow themselves.

Because the right love will always find its way back.

No matter how lost it may feel.