i miss you, i'm sorry → timothée chalamet.

prologue

october 2017 ; haley's pov

"rora!" i whined as she barged into my new york apartment. she was shouting that we'd be going out. "but i don't want to leave," i protest as she rummaged through my suitcase and made a mess of the neatly packed clothes inside. my camera was still on since i was in the middle of filming a quick update video for my channel. 

i had done a couple of modelling gigs already by then, and my parents agreed with me when i told them about how i wanted to try to pursue acting. i just had to sign off youtube first, but don't get me wrong; i was very grateful to all the original subscribers 

"we are going to see a movie!" she announced grandly. i make eye contact with the camera lens and sigh.

"we'll see where this goes later." i tell it, as i begrudgingly stand up and put on the clothes rora picked out. 

"FINN, WE'RE LEAVING! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, 'KAY?" i bellowed, as rora and i headed out.

---

"we're going to the new york film festival?" i ask as we head towards the lincoln center.

"yeah, my team got us both tickets since they knew we'd be in town. they say it's a good opportunity. though i don't exactly see how?" she waved at a fan who was whispering conspicuously to a friend. it was obvious they were talking about her, and i watched in amusement as the two of them shrieked when they looked at her and rora winked at them.

"well, i'm not gonna turn down a free movie." i tell her. "who're we seeing here again?" i ask.

"hmm? oh, it's this movie called 'call me by your name'. based on the book?" she reminded me. i did remember it. we read it together when we were in high school. it was an amazing book, written beautifully by andre aciman. i became even more excited to see the movie, and i told her so.

"wait, this looks so good," i tell her, after the trailer finished playing on her phone.

"right? it already looks amazing." she agreed. "who is this timothée chalamet?" she asked as an afterthought. i shrug. how should i know?

---

"do we have to go to this q&a?" i asked, impatiently. 

"we have to! we'll get to see the director and actors and stuff." rora insisted. "you should be grateful, you know. usually only reporters are allowed, and it was hard to get in here." 

"i am grateful, it's just that i have to check in on finn. mom and dad are in london right now and i'm supposed to be watching over him." i explained. 

"your brother is way too mature for a fourteen year-old, haley." she told me. "if anything, he watches over you. put that away!" she hissed, and pushed my phone into my bag. "the cast is literally right there, your crush is there in his curly haired glory!"

"he is not my crush." i said with an eye roll.

"mm, sure." she said, turning her eyes back to the stage. in that moment, i felt hyper-aware of the reporters on either side of me pressing together to snap photos of the cast.

"does that armie guy look a bit strange to you?" i whispered to rora.

"strange how?" she asked, confused.

"i dunno. his smile is scary and his eyes just seem like they're staring into my soul. not a fan of his vibe." i replied.

"he seems pretty sweet to me." she said, shrugging. 

i watched as timothée emerged from backstage. his smile and enthusiasm was cute to watch, i had to admit. i could tell that he was really passionate about what he did, ad that he was extremely proud of the film. 

half an hour later, i pulled my phone out and began texting finn, when i heard a thud and collective laughs from the audience. rora let out a little giggle from beside me as well, so i looked up to see what all the commotion was about. 

apparently, he fell backwards from his chair. i didn't see it, since i was on my phone, but he did get up pretty quickly as the crowd began to cheer. 

"this is so embarrassing!" he said into the mic. it was adorable, really. "i'm never gonna recover from this." he grimaced, shaking his head, an awkward, self-conscious smile on his face. 

"he's so endearing," rora told me. i nodded only half-listening, and glanced up to stare at his godlike facial features (have you seen his jawline?) but found myself looking away once i realized he was looking at me too. 

author's note!
++ edited january 6, 2022 because this lacked detail and that little
fall incident will be playing an important part later on.