Another path

Suzuka and Sakura - 30k views special

< The chapter titled "Realisation" already explored the way Sakura views Suzuka and I really enjoyed writing it so I wanted to have one that parallels it with Suzuka's thoughts on Sakura.
On another note, thanks for the 30k views, hard to believe we reached that high ! I'll do my best to keep the story as interesting as possible and thanks for reading as always !
That's all, hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy !>
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" Tenten asked me what I thought about Sakura once... The truth is - I didn't know myself. Do I hate her ? Despise her ? Pity her ? The more I thought about it and the more obvious it seemed that I never really hated her... I've actually always been quite fond of her, perhaps because of the first time we met.

To me, she's more someone I'm disappointed for than disappointed in. I believe she's someone with great potential, someone who could achieve so much more if she tried to. What angers is that she doesn't act on this... It shouldn't anger me but it does and I'm not sure why. It feels so... Unsatisfactory ? Not quite the idea but let's go with this. I'd like for her to change because I'm sure she'd feel better and... Well because maybe she wouldn't hate me as much as she does. Maybe that's why I'm so angry when she behaves like this - because since her attitude has changed toward Sasuke and the others, she's started rejecting me...

It hurts to have someone you felt so connected with reject you like this and I guess I've been egotistical about wanting her to change. I still believe it's the best for her...
I'm so frustrated when she's so devoted to only Sasuke and not committed to her training. I think a reason for this is that it's what has once been expected of me and still somewhat is by people in Konoha. I never accepted to become a doll that the clan - that Sasuke could brag about. I've only ever been a symbol for people and no matter how they want to use me, it's my first instinct to rebel against it. So when I see Sakura being exactly what I was supposed to become and be accepted by the village with that attitude, well I just can't stand it.

It sometimes feels like Sakura and I are two sides of the same coin - inherently linked but never able to see eye to eye. She's everything I could have been but refused to be, and I believe the opposite is true. We don't hate each other but we loathe whatever the other represents.

This makes me realise that in my mind, Sakura is the very representation of the village. Superficial, only interested in fame and bloodline, common, vulgar, judgmental... Therefore, through her, it's the entirety of Konoha that I've come to curse. The way they rejected me, shunned me, insulted and abandoned me. The way they dishonoured the sacrifices of the people I love...
Yet I can't let go of the fondness that remains in my heart. Even though they neglected me and hurt me, I still love my village and my former teammate. Even when I know it's pointless, I can't give up hope that they'll acknowledge me one day.

How ironic... I always reprobated how Sakura and Sasuke always needed their peers' acknowledgement but I turn up to be the same. I wonder what it is that makes us craving for others' support that much... Probably the fact we didn't get enough...

It was such a bad idea to put all of us on the same team. Sakura in love with Sasuke and hating me and Sasuke and I hating both the others, what could go wrong... We were all ill matched since the beginning, too many tensions and rivalries to be ignored stood in our way.
Though maybe if the circumstances had been different, we could have worked it... It feels far, almost surreal by now.

If I'm being honest, I think a part of me was jealous of how Sakura always revered Sasuke. I mean, I did more for her than he did and I just gave her cookies ! It felt unfair how she would care more for a boy who cared nothing for her than for me who actually wished to be her friend. I used to- Scratch that, I still resent them for this. For excluding me when they should be the ones out of all people, who should have welcomed me in.

I still feel guilty about that one time I told Sakura she didn't love Sasuke. Don't get me wrong, I meant every word of it (even the insults) but the hurt in her eyes went way beyond just being called out on her egotistical attitude. I still don't even know why she looked so rocked...
I've always hoped she would change and go back to the lovely, nice girl she used to be, not the screaming banshee she's become. Whenever she does this, it always feels like she's trying to get everyone to notice her and hear her rather than really making a point.

Now that I think about it, she never really stood her ground, being easily swayed and quick to give up. As if she didn't have much to say... She obviously could think on her own but it seemed like she forbade herself from saying so. In the end, I guess she's still just as insecure as she used to be.

She can pretend all she wants but Sakura is - and has always been a scared, insecure little girl."

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Betrayal. That's what it was, wasn't it ?

Wrong. Because betrayal means you trusted. She never trusted her. She believed in her.
It was never an equal relationship, she knew so and accepted it.

No, what it was was something even worse than betrayal : abandon.

She had abandoned her.

And it was deserved.