May we meet again // Amelia Shepherd X reader

I believe you

TW: drinking, mention of addiction, self-harm
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"It's all my fault," Amelia said when I opened the door to my hotel room from inside. She was so wasted and about to broke out into tears.

"Hey, hey, hey," I took a quick step towards her and wrapped my arms around her tightly like a mother bear protecting her cub from danger. She sighed heavily, letting her head drop on my chest. I felt her shoulders going up and down and I closed my eyes, "It's okay," I whispered. And once again something squeezed in my chest. Only now it wasn't helplessness, I felt power. A good kind of power. The one that gives you strength to move heaven and earth, the one when everything in the world seems so simple. The one when you realize you are something more than just a human. You are a person. You are needed.

"I'm sorry," she muttered in between sobs.

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know

I ran my hand through her hair, "Let's get you inside, baby," I whispered and led her to bed closing the door. She was still crying.

8 hours earlier

"Don't you see? Drinking," she mumbled and took a sip turning her back on me.

I was staying there for what felt like hours until I plucked up the courage to open my mouth.

"Can I do something?" I asked curling my hands into fists and giving my inner palm enough pressure with my nails to let my voice stay calm. It always helped me. The physical pain displaced the emotional one.

"No," she chuckled and finished the drink putting the glass on the table with a loud knock. I lightly jumped from that sound. It meant she would order again.

"Can I just sit with you then?" I said making a step forward.

"No," she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said, "go away, Y/N, leave me alone, please."

I put my hand on her shoulder. I wanted to comfort her somehow but she pulled it off.

"I said leave me alone, I don't want you here," she snapped at me. She sounded angry and indifferent at the same time. I took two steps backward before turning around and running out of the building.

'I don't want you' was repeating in my head over and over again. I stopped in a parking lot trying to steady my breathing and pull myself together. 'I don't want you here.' I wiped tears from my face. 'I don't want you here.' I put on concealer to cover up my swollen eyes. 'I don't want you here.' I tilted my head and entered the hospital going straight to my patients.

I got myself busy with kids and their parents and surgeries and paperwork. Anything to just not think about this morning. Maggie kept me updated on Meredith and I was glad that almost everyone was working with her and no one asked me about my swollen eyes. I knew what happened with Meredith and why Amelia was a trainwreck. But still couldn't understand why I was her problem. I just wanted to help. I felt how emotions started to fill my body so I ran to the bathroom and closed in the cubicle sitting down on the floor. Tears were streaming down my face, I wanted to scream but instead, I just curled my hands into fists and bit my forearm drowning out my sobs. I wanted so bad to be angry at her but I couldn't.

There was a moment when I felt the whole spectrum of emotions - pain, anger, sadness, fear. I tightened the grip on my forearm and suddenly I wasn't feeling anything anymore. Tears stopped, the pain became less annoying and I wasn't afraid anymore. I was free from everything. But was it the sun after the storm or the calm before it? I let go of my forearm and saw the red mark that would definitely become a big bruise tomorrow if not today.