Ninjago Greenflame Oneshots Cuz Why Not

Don't Blame Yourself

This is kind of a vent?  So, yeah expect LOTS of angst.
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Lloyd never meant to do it.

He wasn't in control, there was no way he could've stopped it, stopped himself.

He wanted to throw up, he wanted to scream in anguish and pain, yet he wasn't even the one in agony, at least not physically.  His guts twisted inside of him and his blood froze, his head buzzed lightheadedly yet he felt as if there are a million cinder blocks piled on top of him.  His feet were rooted into the ground, yet he felt as if he'd fall over any moment.  He was in shock, he was panicked, he felt sick.

Ever since he'd been possessed he felt as if his life energy were being drained from him, slowly causing him to become weaker and weaker until when he was released from Morro's possession he didn't even have the energy to open his eyes, twitch his fingers—hell, stay awake!  Not only that, but the constant mind games and mental torture that Morro inflicted on him left him mentally wounded and unable to grasp himself when he'd be possessed once more, and put through vigorous, back-breaking, muscle tearing, exhausting activities that would leave him famished, dehydrated, and ill.

Morro was ruthless.  He only sought one thing, and that was revenge.  He scrounged for vengeance against his former Sensei and was determined to prove him wrong, prove destiny wrong.  He would stop at no means to show that he was the rightful Green Ninja, and what better way to show that than possess the actual Green Ninja and showcase to the work how broken he was, how weak and useless and wrong he was?  Lloyd fought for a long time, he fought so long and hard that sometimes he would manage to break through Morro's possession, just for a few seconds, and talk to his friends.  He can distinctly remember nothing but darkness—cold, empty darkness that swallowed him whole and bound him in place, whispering to him that he was worthless and how his existence was a joke meant to be laughed at by destiny—and then the next thing he knew he was being embraced by Kai.

Oh, how Lloyd craved the warmth that radiated off of the fire ninja.  His soft, tan skin that warmed him like a heating pad, his beautiful amber-colored eyes that eased him into comfort when he locked eyes with him, Lloyd yearned for it.  He was broken, cold, desperate to be freed from the shackles of his imprisonment.  He wanted his body back, he wanted to see his friends again, hell, he'd even be happy to see his mom again despite abandoning him in his time of most need all those years ago.

Lloyd almost cried at the sight of Kai.  He looked worried sick and a little panicked, but Lloyd was so happy to see him nonetheless, the real him.  Not the fake versions Morro had made to mess with him, to torture him.  He felt so relieved that for a moment he managed to wrangle enough energy to hold Morro back just long enough to pass the Sword of Sanctuary over to Kai.  This effort, of course, caused Lloyd to collapse in Kai's arms due to exhaustion because when was anything ever easy for him?

That was one of the last times Lloyd managed to break Morro's hold on him, the last time he truly got to see Kai through his eyes, not Morro's.

And now he stood over the fire ninja's body, shaking, throat closed, pupils so small they're the size of seeds.  Lloyd didn't know how long he'd stood watching the fire ninja, but the next thing he knew the Sword of Sanctuary was on the ground, and so was he.  He felt like he'd been staring at Kai's motionless figure for ages, years even.  Blood was everywhere, it was on his hands, it was seeping into his clothes and it was staining the cave floors.  Everything around him became a high-pitched ringing.  He could just barely feel Morro come up behind him and grab him by the throat with his hand.  He could feel the ghost's presence next to his ear, smiling wickedly.

"How does it feel to have killed your little boyfriend?"

Lloyd screamed on the inside and tears slipped from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks yet he said nothing.  His whole body trembled.  He didn't have enough energy to scream out, say he was sorry, he couldn't even grab onto Kai's body and try to stop the bleeding.  He was like a stone figure.  Everything around him became heavy, the atmosphere deprived him of oxygen and his fingers tingled.  He could feel that something was going on around him, especially when Morro backed off suddenly.