When Love Is War.

19

3rd October, 2020.

Sarayu Hassan

Baby Miriam is two months old and she is such a joy , I became her primary caregiver a month ago when her nanny quit her job after she was paid her first salary. Jumoke said a lot of house hold workers did that, just leave the job with very little notice after they had gotten the money they were looking for. Some stayed on for just a month while others stayed for up to a year. In my opinion it's so unprofessional and cutting ties like that just makes getting referrals or building anything sustainable out of your life hard.
Timothy and Zainab are as busy as ever since they won the party primaries, a few weeks ago so I hardly see either of them which is better for me but that's coming to an end. They are planning a little get together for close associates and friends, thankfully it's happening at Zainab's house so I do not have to organize or plan anything.

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As I gave last minute instructions to Jason who was going to babysit Miriam I felt so nervous. I had barely been away from her since Zainab left her in my care. I was beginning to rethink my decision to go for this party or even leaving her with Jason I should have gotten someone more qualified. I quickly handed her over to Jason and left the house before I talked myself out of the whole thing.
I decided to go to Sade's place to get my hair and makeup done and arriving at this party looking at all these gorgeous women with perfectly done makeup and their hair and scarves perfectly draped on perfect bodies made me glad about my decision. I have always been fairly confident in my looks except maybe during the throes of adolescent but recently it seems my self esteem and worth have come crashing down. The voices in my head tell me Timothy would not have left if she was not better. I feel abandoned really, I thought Timothy loved me, I thought he would fight for us but I was wrong.
My emotions are a mess as I watch Timothy and Zainab bask in the attention of their guest who are a mix of both their friends, party members and Zainab's family as the congratulations roll in from every corner. They all talk about their success and how Ibrahim's grandfather overestimated his influence in the PPP. Laughter flows and the mood is joyfully but i have never felt so sad, I almost expect to see a dark cloud hanging over my head.
I cannot take it anymore so I escape to the bathroom and cry. I put the toilet sit down, ignore my germaphobia , sit on it and weep. When I am done I wipe my tears, clean the mess that is my makeup and then call Layla to come rescue me.
Thankfully i successfully leave the party without anyone noticing , who was I kidding I was almost invisible at that event. All through the drive back I sat beside Layla all cried out as she gave me pitiful glance I asked myself why I even went in the first place.
When I had finally showered and changed into comfy pyjamas I laid down on my bed and cuddled baby Miriam drawing comfort from her softness and her soothing baby smell.
As the voice in my head screamed "you are just the nanny, nobody cares about you and even this baby in your arms will one day know that". All these voices make no  logical sense but can someone tell a broken woman's heart any different.

Zainab Hassan

I sat in front of my dresser with my scarf hanging loosely on my neck, took my jewelry of and began to methodically take of my makeup as I half-heartedly listened to Timothy talk to another of my grandfather's associates on the phone like they did not just leave here. All these political people were so shameless in their sycophancy.
After my shower i rentered the bedroom to see Timothy seated on the bed his face in his hands, shoulders slumped and looking tired. I wordlessly tied my robe, climbed in bed behind him and began massaging his shoulder.
"That feels so good", he mummbled .
"You're welcome ", I playfully said.
"I feel so bad about dumping baby Miriam on Sarayu like that and you know with all my children I've always been actively there. I feel bad for neglecting them, I think we should go see her", Timothy narrates.
At his words my hands stop working on his shoulder and lower back. After a moment of awkward silence "you can go see them if you want" I manage to say as I get off the bed and move to my walk in closet to change into my pyjamas. I hear Timothy follow behind me and I turn to face him, " I would rather not talk about this I say ". I know what he wants to say before he even opens his mouth, he thinks I should see a therapist and I would rather not. Thankfully he says nothing and just hugs me. I melt into his arms feeling grateful for this good man.

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Timothy Hassan

I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans pocket as i sat on the front steps of the house I shared with Sarayu for almost ten years. I actually forgot it was Sunday and Sarayu and the boys would be at church, it had been months since I had been to church and that was yet another thing for me to feel guilty about. Well it was almost noon and I decided I might as well wait. As I waited I thought about the longing I felt when I saw Sarayu. I wondered how i got myself into this mess how I now cared about two women deeply. I have never been one to love half heartedly from the first time I met Sarayu in the University I knew she was the one and as for Zainab she just grew on me and now I did not want to see them hurt but as it stood there was nothing I could do about their pain. I wish Sarayu will just let me love her.
The sound of Sarayu's car in the driveway interrupts my dire thoughts and the sight of my family brings a smile to my face. Benjamin ran ahead of them leaving Sarayu and Jason behind holding the baby's bag and the baby respectively. The boys greeted me warmly as they let me into the house but Sarayu was distant. There was no longer any friendliness or familiarity just coldness, I tried to apologise but she wouldn't even let me. At the end of the day I hated to leave things as they where but what else could I do.