When Love Is War.

15

Sarayu

3rd August, 2020.

When I woke up to use the bathroom at about one in the morning I checked my phone before going back bed and to my surprise i  saw a text Timothy sent a few minutes before I saw it that Zainab had just given birth to a baby girl. At that moment I did not know what or how to feel so I put my phone aside and went to sleep.
Waking up at about five this morning, going through my morning routine, I could not help but feel excited. I love children, always have. There was a new member of the Hassan family regardless of the situation and it was girl at that. I always wanted a baby girl but I could not have anymore children due to complications when I was having Ben. For that reason alone I was a little jealous of Zainab but I shook it aside.
I was currently making breakfast, the plan was to take it to the hospital.
Everything was going smoothly, I had cinnamon rolls baking in the oven while everything else was already in a basket.
I had sandwiches, fruit salad, coffee and extra hot water in a thermos along with my favorite tea bags.
Fifteen minutes later the cinnamon rolls where ready and packed. I was ready to go but I scribbled a note for the boys and stuck it to the fridge.
"Congratulations big brothers! Your little sis was born early hours of today, so I'm off to the hospital to give them breakfast. Stop by after you have breakfast", the note read.
                                ❤️
The drive to the hospital took me less than five minutes because it was quite early hence the lack of traffic. As I parked my car, took my basket and made my way to the front desk I hoped my presence was not unwanted and I was not too early.
"Good morning, I'm here to see Zainab Hassan. Could you please direct me to her room", I asked the first nurse I saw  when I walked into the maternity section of the hospital.
"Are you a member of the family" she answered.
"Yes, I am".
"Okay, follow me. I was just about to go check on her".
That being said the nurse and  walked the short way to the room in silence punctuated by the sound of our shoes on the clean floors.
When we reached the door the nurse knocked lightly and stepped into the room without asking for permission to enter.
"Good morning, I brought a visitor", where her first words upon entering the room.
Zainab who sat on the bed tapping away on her phone and Timothy who was pacing the room rubbing slow circles on the tiny bundle he carried close to his chest all paused what they were doing to stare at me in shock.
"Good morning and congratulations. I brought breakfast", I said trying to make the atmosphere in the room less tense.
"Thank you", Zainab says still unable to remove the shock from her voice.
I wonder why they are so surprised to see me i mused.
" Thank you so much Sarayu, you're actually our first visitor", Timothy adds.
"You guys are welcome. Can I carry her?" , I ask putting the basket down and reaching for the baby.
Timothy immediately hands the sleeping baby to me. I settle down on the couch and look down at the cute little bundle in my arms a feeling of contentment settling in my chest. When I look up I see that Timothy is helping himself to breakfast while the nurse is trying to be discreet about staring at me instead of concentrating on taking Zainabs blood pressure. I begin to get the idea that she knows exactly who we all are and has just enjoyed the drama that is my life.
After dragging out her examination as long as possible and seeing that nothing interesting was going to happen in the room the nurse gathered her things to leave and asked that we follow her with the baby to take her weight and BCG immunization.
                            ❤️
About thirty minutes later I walked down the corridor and back to the room trying to comfort a wailing baby. I was the last person on a  queue of mother's waiting to take the immunization. Some mother's came with their husbands while others came with their mother's. I watched as they stripped each baby of layers of clothing till the had on only diapers. They were weighed then stabbed with the needle and as if on cue small eyes and mouths opened letting out screams bigger than themselves. After offering my  baby girl the same process was repeated. While a nurse put her clothes back on another filled her immunization booklet and handed it back to me. She asked me for a name and I quickly answered saying we had not agreed on one, she looked at me funny then handed the card  to me leaving the space for a name blank. The most awkward part came when they handed me back a wailing baby expecting me to nurse her to comfort  like all the other mother's had done. Off course I could not because she was not mine. I ignored the stares , thanked them and headed back to the room.
                       ❤️❤️❤️
Back in the room the party had increased, Zainabs mother sat in a chair by the bed while Timothy, Ben and Jason stood at another end of the room. I hardly answered the boys greetings because the baby had been crying with full intensity all the way here. I handed the baby over to a confused Zainab.
"Please breastfeed her, so the crying will stop", I said trying hard to keep the irritation out of my voice at her lack of action.
" She isn't latching, I haven't been able to feed her", she answers frustration seeping through each syllable.
I was about to tell her to at least try once more when Timothy handed her a bottle of prepared formula milk and she began feeding the baby. The crying finally stopped and it was replaced by a satisfied suckling sound.
" How are you Sarayu", Zainab's mother said breaking the silence.
"Fine and yourself. Congratulations are in order".
"Thank you, as you can see I am well".
We all sat in an uneasy silence punctuated with the babies satisfied sleep sounds.
To my surprise Zainabs mother was the first to leave. She did not even hold her grandchild, she simply admired the sleeping baby in the cot like one would admire someone elses cute pet. Not too much fondness just mild admiration.
The boys and I left shortly after. Benjamin seemed excited about the baby but with Jason I just could not tell. He seemed disinterested and over with the whole situation.Jason wanted to see a friend so Benjamin rode home with me. The whole drive home I got the unwanted pleasure of hearing Benjamin gush about how tiny and cute his little sister was and I could not help but feel a pang of longing.