Yours, Eternally

Twenty-Eight

"What do mean you betrayed me? I don't understand, Alice."

The crease formed between my brows deepened as I stared at her. Despite the reveal of my past life, I felt a strange calm settle over me, with the chirping of the crickets accentuating the tranquil atmosphere.

"That I knew about Nicholas' marriage." Alice continued, sounding a little flustered and panicked. More than ever, a thousand questions surged through my head, probably because I was more familiar with this life than those lifetimes that occurred way before.

"Wait, how did this work? How could you be my sister if you're already looking in your twenties?" I blurted.

"I'm not Agnes." She responded, causing more questions to pop in my head. "The real Agnes is dead. In fact, she has been sick and away from others for a long time; neglected by your grandfather. So, as she was about to pass, I simply altered the memories of everyone she had been in contact with."

I was currently thrust into a more dumbfounded state than before, knowing that the expression I held would take a whole lot more explanation before it could be cleared. 

"It wasn't that hard; it was just you, your grandfather, and a helper. You were just fourteen back then. But what I didn't expect was your grandfather to sell me off to some old geezer. But I relented, not because I wanted to keep the house afloat, but because I wanted you to live in comfort...whatever the cost I had to pay, it was worth it."

She said, biting her lip while she rubbed her hands against her arms. My eyes dipped low while I recalled the bruises that were prominently imprinted on her arms.

"I'm so sorry..." My voice broke as I stretched out my hand to place it over her shoulders. I felt horrible at the thought of her abuse; night and day, just because of me. I felt useless at not being sharp enough to notice the changes in the way she acted.

"I should have stepped in the moment I saw those bruises."

"No. You couldn't." She replied, a little too strongly and adamantly. "The past cannot the altered no matter what you do."

"But I thought I did go back to the past? What about all the stuff I did?" I corrected, getting increasingly baffled and confused from it all.

"In a way, you did, but on the other hand, you didn't as well. It's complicated." She cocked her head from side to side while facing her palms upwards.

"Try me."

"Okay. Your consciousness did go back in time. So, you were able to say and do things that are out of your own character. But, there are other instances where you couldn't. Like most of your actions, those are already fixed."

"Huh?" I stared dumbfounded at her, still confused about the whole thing.

"Think of it as a movie, where you are watching the activities of when you were a kid. The things that you did as a child remain, like the conversations that you would have with a specific individual, your activities; all these are unchanged. Except that you, that went back in time, also possess a free will to act or speak in any way you please."

"So, you're saying that I'm both reliving my past while acting out of my own volition?"

"Yes."

"But what about the times when I had a slip up about anything from this time?" I asked, remembering that I did reveal something about a pinky promise to Nicholas.

"That doesn't exist. It'll only exist in your version of that time, not in Nicholas' memories."

"I see," I answered, the difficulty in wrapping my head around this issue remains.