BALI SUN ☀ [✔]

[37] I miss you [Lisa POV]

I had to figure myself out first.

Where would I be?

Who would I work for?

Where would I live?

Those thoughts were in my head constantly.

It broke my heart to end things with Jennie the way I did but I simply couldn't promise her anything that I possibly couldn't keep. And I certainly couldn't bare the thought of us being in a long distance relationship where neither of us had each other's physical comfort. I was a very physical person and I knew that Jennie was too. The possibility of her getting too lonely without me there and looking for it in another person, consequently cheating on me, was too high. My heart wouldn't take that risk. 

Letting her go was the smart decision. So I thought.

But I was horribly wrong.

I really thought I could do it but when she stopped texting back and I haven't heard from her for an entire week, I started to break for an entirely different reason. I knew Jennie was ok though, at least physically, because Rosie talked to Jisoo on the phone a lot. She would never tell me any details about Jennie's life but she told me about Jisoo's and she always nodded or gave me a little thumbs up sign when she was on the phone, signalling me Jennie was ok.

However my little kitten never texted back anymore. No matter what I wrote. On some days it was just a little 'good night' text. Until I gave up. I couldn't even blame her. I didn't even know what I wanted myself! 

Had I wanted to stay her friend? Had I really expected her to text me happily and tell me about her daily life? Her life without me? Her life with a new partner possibly?

Without really saying it, she had indeed asked me for a commitment but she hadn't pushed me for it. Even though I saw the immense sadness in her eyes when I told her that we should just make those last two days count. 

I missed her terribly but I couldn't seem to figure out what to do. 

After two weeks of radio silence from my kitten, I stumbled upon a photo of us on my phone in the early hours of the morning and the dam suddenly broke. I cried and sobbed, feeling the hole in my heart stronger than ever. 

On an impuls I pressed call. I didn't even know what I was doing! It was ringing. It was ringing forever. I had no idea what time it was in Korea. The tears were still streaming down my cheeks and I almost wanted to hang up when I realized how stupid this was. 

But then the call suddenly connected.

"Yeah?" I heard her sleepy voice. 

She sounded so cute. Sleepy and cuddly and I wanted nothing more than nuzzle my nose into her fluffy cheeks and never let her go. I inhaled sharply at hearing my kitten's voice again and I had to surpress a choked up sob.

"Kitten?" I whispered out softly, my own voice betraying me.

I heard her gasp and the call disconnected. 

My heart ached and I couldn't hold in the fresh wave of tears. Without really being able to see my screen, I texted her.

Lisa: I miss you

I didn't expect an answer. 

My door suddenly opened and Rosé's tired face came into view. "Lisa... are you ok?"

She must have heard me crying. Stupid thin walls!

My best friend's eyes scanned my face, then the phone in my hands. She came over immediately and climbed into bed with me, wrapping me up in her arms. 

"Did something happen?" she asked carefully while I cried into her shoulder silently now.

"I....I... called her." I whispered faintly. I still hated when people saw me this vulnerable but after Somi, I had gotten used to Rosie's comfort. She had been with me through everything. Besides Jennie, who I had fought hard not to push away, Rosie was the only one who was allowed to see me breaking.

"She didn't answer this time either?"

"She did... but I think she didn't realize it was me when she picked up... she ended the call when she heard my voice..." Fresh sobs shook my body in her arms.

"Lis, what are you doing?" the blonde girl asked me caringly. There was no judgment in her voice but I knew she disliked the way I had left things with Jennie.

"Rosie, it hurts..." I sobbed, squeezing my eyes shut and clinging to my friend's gentle arms. 

"It hurts like it did with Somi..."

I felt her nod. "I know it does... you were in love with Somi too..."

"What?" My heart leaped painfully and a sudden realization hit me like lightning. I pushed myself off Rosé a little to be able to look into her face.

She looked at me with patient eyes and nodded once more. I just stared at her as I started to wrap my head around it. 

I was in love with Jennie. 

That's why my heart felt like a piece was missing. 

I had been so scared of getting seriously hurt again, consequently ending things with Jennie that I hadn't even let myself realize my true feelings for her. I knew I had rather strong feelings for her, sure. But love hadn't been an option in my mind.

"I fucked up big time...." I whispered gravely to Rosé, who was silently stroking my arm.

She nodded gently once more. "Yes, you did. And you finally realized."

*

Author: What do you guys think will happen next? I'm curious if you have any ideas ;)