Happy Merry Everything (Charlie Barber)

Just a Little Something

Jules. She was a force of nature, someone you didn't want to fuck with. So when she was begging you for some quality girls time, you knew "no" wasn't an answer. In all the time you had spent getting to know and falling in love with Charlie, you worried your friendship had suffered. That in your finding companionship your ability to hold more than one meaningful relationship had fallen by the wayside. It was while she ordered multiple appetizers to split at Maison Pickle that you knew this couldn't have been farther from the truth. It was one of the things you loved about her, something you were grateful for. Your friendship had never been fair weather. Instead, no matter how much time passed or how busy the other got with life outside of work, you always picked things up right where they left off.

Once the server left your space after having dropped off your crab, artichoke, and spinach dip, she picked up her cocktail, raising a glass. You did the same.

"So," you said, reaching for a chip with your other hand. "You said today was special. What are we celebrating?

Jules smirked. "That my dumbass isn't pregnant."

"What?"
"Cheers, bitch."

She clinked her glass with yours and took a long (and apparently much needed) sip.

"Hang on. Wait a fucking minute. You thought you were pregnant?"

"Not anymore."

You were flabbergasted. "Wait--I don't understand. How did this happen?"

She looked a little too amused by your question as she scooped up some hot dip onto a tortilla chip. "I might have encouraged it."

"Getting pregnant?"
"Childcare deductions over some selective suction. We just had sushi and I was not about to swallow."

"Jules."
"I'm not saying the phrase, 'Breed me, Daddy.' was stamped anywhere near my mouth or punani, but it might have slipped out. We had a lot to drink. And his dick? Chef's kiss.
"Jules."
"I mean Smithsonian quality dick. Please rise for some thick thighs, I'm gagging on what you're swagging kinda meat.

"Are you really going to shut me out so you can test out your standup?"

Jules sat there silently, only rolling her eyes and shoving a Charlie sized bite's worth of garlic parmesan roll into her mouth.

"Were you going to tell me?"

Her mouth was half full. "You weren't around."

You could feel your heart sinking in your chest. Had you really allowed yourself to become a bad friend?

She didn't hesitate before shoving more in. "I'm not mad. I'm just being honest. You've been busy. You're living with someone now. You have a kid. Sort of. Maybe. You guys are in love."

Finally, she swallowed the partially masticated bit of food and inhaled the rest of her drink.

"I'm not faulting you, okay? I get it. We used to be able to talk about more because we were different people. I don't have my wingwoman anymore because we're not cruising for free booze. We don't hang out during our hiatuses because you have--I don't know, a family now, sort of. Things changed in a big way. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm just saying things are different...and I'm so happy for you because, honestly, I don't think I've ever seen you this happy and that's saying something."

She let out a breathy laugh. "You look a little overwhelmed, or perplexed, I don't know. Some shit. Take a minute...and eat the last garlic roll or I swear I will."

"You aren't mad?" It's all you could muster.

Jules picked up another chip and scooped up a copious amount of crab dip. "Mad? About what? Mad at who? Whom? Whom."

"I don't know. Me? Charlie?"

"Dude, why the fuck would I be mad at you? I'm not mad at you. I literally just said I understood. I'm not mad at Charlie. The only thing that man has been giving you is joy and good dick."

You laughed without meaning to. Regardless, it was a welcomed sound to Jules' ears. "I've seen you walk some days when you come in. The man is laying pipe. He is all up in your plumbing and then some." She picked up her glass and leaned in. "I'm still pissed you won't tell me how big it is. Something that good deserves to be shared."

"I have no plans of sharing it," you teased, grinning.