Wrought King of Iron

Chapter 1: Past

It was the final day of Spring Term. The end of the second year of high school. Tohsaka and I were watching the sunset through the class windows. As she looked down, she asked me a peculiar question.

'Say, Emiya, where you ever in the track club?' She stared at me with a curious look.

'Track club?' I replied, 'No, I was always in the Archery.'

'Oh. Well, I guess these things happen... Some memories came back when I looked at the sunset.'

I somewhat knew what she was referring to.

A mat, and some poles. The memory of practicing high jumps till sunset flashed through my thoughts. I kept jumping, over and over and over. To no avail, I would try to leap over the pole. I never gave up until I was forced to go home. What I tried to overcome wasn't this physical barrier before me, but the weak self who wasn't able to save anyone.

The image of a city in flames is etched into my eyes. Literally, burned into my very being. A sight I will never forget, for it erased my very being and everything I held dear. My end and my beginning can be traced back to this focal point of my existence. As everything burned around me, I cried and marched onward, ignoring pleas for help because I thought there was nothing I could do. I allowed those around me to die before my very eyes so that I could live. All that mattered to me in that first hell of mine was my own survival. The city of Fuyuki burned as I trudged through ashes and the remains of buildings, or even people.

Finally, as I collapsed, I thought my end had come. In the end I ignored everyone all for my own survival and yet I would die anyway. As my life faded from my body, his hand grabbed onto mine, and as he looked down at my barely conscious self, he cried. Not tears of sadness, but tears of sheer happiness. He was happy to be able to save someone. At that moment, he did not save me but rather, he saved himself. He saved himself from the crushing guilt he would have felt if his actions only lead to despair and suffering.

I was overjoyed. I was truly grateful. I was envious... Envious of the sheer amount of happiness exuding from his smile. I thought at that moment, if saving people were to bring such great joy, maybe I could attain happiness of my own. Of course, at the time of resolving to be a hero of justice, I had deluded myself into believing I was only doing it to make up for my sins of ignorance towards others suffering in that flame. But now I understand that the origin of this ideal I borrowed was not rooted solely in atonement, but in a selfish desire to achieve happiness just like Kiritsugu did in that moment. And so, I will save those in despair. I will prevent everyone and anyone from suffering. I want others to be happy. I am willing to give myself up to this selfish desire of mine, and I will continue to strive for this, because if others can be happy, then I too can.

After remembering that, Tohsaka asked me if I wanted to come with her to the Clocktower. She did it quite slyly, I have to say, but nonetheless I would have agreed to go anyway.