Ana taught me (N.H.au )

Lesson 4) life just sucks

*EDITED*
~Time jump~

Nialls POV
It's been a week and i'm proud that i'm still keeping it up.
I didn't go to school because I was still "ill". But today I have to cus' my mom thinks i'm gonna miss a lot of tests and stuff.
I had no contact with Harry or other people except of my family.

I take a step on the scale , i'm biting my nails rapidly. 127 I smile bright I lost so much in a week.
Vomiting works really good and in combo with heavy workouts.

"Your doing amazing but you are still fat af so if you want to be perfect" Ana said.

I lost 33 lbs in 2 weeks time wow I think that's great. I look at myself in the mirror , fat tummy , double chin , chubby cheeks. Tears stream down my face i'm still awful.
'Niall you are gonna be late! Get your arse downstairs!' My mom yelled irritated.
I run downstairs and grab a apple , my mom smiles at me I fake smile back when I'm outside I throw the apple in the first bin I see.
60 calories , 60 useless calories.
I'm jogging to school , my breath isn't proper but I don't give a fuck I gotta move this fat body.

On school I feel people stare at me , I want to crawl in dark hole and never come out when they stare like that. They are judging me with their eyes , I quick my pace to my locker and with trembling hands I put my books in it.

My French teacher is talking but my head isn't in the lesson. I'm sitting on a table on my own so I have all the space. A paper get thrown at my table. I look around to see from who it is , Josh is laughing with his friends ( and Ashton).
I decide to just read it.

You are ugly and fat I thought let's just give you a friendly reminder :)
-J

I put the paper fast in my bag and I put my hand in the air. 'Yes Mister 'oran? ' she said with her stupid French accent { sorry to french readers } 'I'm feeling ill can I see the nurse' I lied 'That's okay get better soon' she said.
I stand up and glance one last time to Josh he laughs at me 'Weak pig' He said.
I bite my lip and leave the classroom.

'I want to die' I whispered silently , I do walk to the nurse so everyone thinks i'm ill forreal.
I knock 'Come in' she said.
'What's the problem blondie' A really attractive young lady said.
'Uhm' I can't think of anything anymore , her brown eyes are killing me I swear she looks so adorable.
I thinks she isn't much older than me I think maybe a year or 2.
'You catch flies blondie' She said , I flush a bright red 'Sorry' I said.
'What's your name?' She asked 'Niall Horan' I said a bit shy.
'Oh I see , you've been ill for a week are you feeling ill again?' She asked I nod. I read her name card "Ariana"
'Should I put it in the computer and you go home?' She asked 'No uhm I have only a bit of a headache so can I get a painkiller Ari- I mean sorry' Again I blush , she chuckles 'You can call me Ariana that isn't a problem' She said.
She gives me the painkiller and I leave 'Thank you Ariana' I said.

I throw the painkiller in the bin I don't need it it was just an excuse.
It's breaktime so I search for a table to sit alone , I did this last weak 3 times to "study". I just don't want them to ask questions about my eating habits.
Since my mom told Harry about the fact I skipped dinner a few times I don't take any risks.
I drink my water slowly to get a rid of the empty feeling in my stomach.

Random stranger's POV
Niall sat on his own on a table drinking water. He lost a lot of weight you could see it his hands are bones.
Most people start noticing that he isn't with Harry as much as they use to be. There's something wrong but no one is gonna ask , neither am I gonna do.
The new guy Ashton he joined the dicks- popular guys. Josh changed him into something he wasn't before.
Harry and Louis are acting weird when they are together.
Liam is making his way to Niall who is now listening to music.
They are talking about something Niall smiles. Liam looks worried but Niall smiles big.
Maybe there's nothing wrong with him.
Liam said something what makes Niall smile fall , it looks like they are arguing. Niall stands up and leaves his table.

Niall's POV
After I finish drinking half the bottle I see Liam who's coming my way.
'Your back' he said , I fake smile 'Yes' I said. Go away. Go away. I get my earplugs out of my ears because I know he's gonna ask many questions from now on.
'How your feeling?' He asked , Disgusting , fat , ugly , awful , a tiny bit of suicidal , depressed , useless , worthless, lonely , unloved 'M fine' I said.
'Did you lose weight Ni?' Liam asked worried why the hell worried.
'Just 4 pounds' I lied 'Oh it looks like a lot more Ni are you fully honest?' He asked , my heart beats in my throat 'Yes I am, the numbers on the scale don't lie' I said harsh.
'Excuse me I have to take a piss' I said leaving Liam alone.
People stare at me , I keep my eyes on the ground , one single tear rolls down my cheek.
I lock myself in the toilet and sit on it.
'Fuck my life everything is start to fall in a black hole' I whispered.

The door get opened , the footsteps go to the toilets next to the one i'm in.
'No one is here let's do this Hazza' this sounds like Louis.
The sound of them making out is echooing through the whole room.
Harry moans , jesus I can't stand this.
'I need you to touch me Boobear' Harry said with a thick voice , a voice full lust. Okay I can't listen to them having sex.
I open the door and see them looking at me shocked 'N-Niall how long are y-you here?' Louis asked.
'From the moment you two came in' I said honest.
'Look-' I cut him off 'I leave , you don't have to explain anything just know I support your relationship with Louis' I said and left.
I can hear Harry yell 'thank you'.
When I come out of the toilets I got shoved against a locker by Josh.
'Look our ill fat piggy is still on school' His words are like knives in my heart. I want to cry really bad now , like real bad but I have to stay strong I can't let him win so easily.

"Why would you fight his words? You know he's telling the truth" Ana's voice echooed through my brain.
'Shut up' I said , it was supposed to be Ana but Josh thought I was talking to him 'So now you can talk? Let's give him a applause right everyone?' Lot's of people have gathered themselves around us and starts to clap. Okay I never been this embarresed in my whole entire life.
We are talking about 18 years.
I can't help but feel so shamed , this is all your fault.

"I try to make you perfect! and this is what I get? Pathetic" Ana said.

I close my eyes and just hope that everything disappears. I get punched in my stomach 'This will learn you different fatass' Josh scolded he also punched my eye.
I want to disappear and never come back , no one will notice anyway.
The depressed feelings making it even harder not to cry if that's even possible. Starve to kill the sadness.
That's the way I get a rid of it , starving.

Josh stops and laughs and everyone goes away except me. I'm still on the ground. Life sucks.
I stand up and my body aches 'Fuck it all' I said stumbling out the school tears stream down my face.

Open the door and see my mom 'Niall your eye!' She said , I start sobbing and my mom opens her arms.
I cry in her arms , it takes a very long time until I'm calm.
'What happend baby?why is your eye bruised?' She asked 'I-I got in an argument and he got v-violent' I hiccuped.
'Did you hit him back?' My asked with a frown 'N-no' I said.
She takes me in her arms , the fact that she still does that and I love it is pretty sad cus' i'm freaking 18.
'Niall? Do you get bullied?' My mom asked 'No' I said honest.
'You tell me when something like this happens or when you don't feel right right?' My mom asked , I nod I can't even get a word out it would be a lie anyway.
I'm so fucked up , so damn fucked up.
'Niall baby i'm gonna cook dinner and you are gonna eat it' she said stern.
'What are you cooking?' I asked , trying to hide the fact that i'm scared.
'Mashed patotoes and chicken' my mom said , I feel my stomach already complaining or that's the lack of food.
'Okay nice' I said as happy as possible. I go upstairs and sit down on my bed. 'Life sucks' I said again.

After finishing dinner with her alone I go upstairs again. I go to the bathroom , put the shower on and stick my finger in my throat. After everything is out of my stomach I turn the shower off.
I stand up to quickly cus' i'm dizzy.
A smile creeps on my lips how do I always manage to do it without anyone noticing.

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This was looooooong wow
Do you still like it? Cus' i'm gonna do more action in the next chapter.
Love , me