Ana taught me (N.H.au )

Lesson 18) perfection is accepting yourself

Liam's POV
I felt like time stopped and I'm the only one who's moving. It can't be , I never wanted to lose weight you can't get an eating disorder out of the nowhere. No it just can't be.
'Liam!' Niall shouted in my ear 'No not possible' I said not wanting to a believe a word. 'Li I know this scares you and you won't say i'm right but stress can give you a eating disorder as well' Niall said.

I stand up I don't want to hear anymore cos deep down inside I know he's right. But I don't want him to be right. I just walk slow against the hard wind , it's heavier than I thought walking against the wind.
God I lost all my strength I once had, I walk past a shop window but walk back to look at myself.

My cheeks are sunken , my legs look like chinese chopsticks and where ones my biceps sat is only a thin layer of skin. I simply look awful.
I feel the tears rise up in my eyes and decide to continue my walk. I thought I just lost a little bit of weight but turns out to be a lot more.

A hand grabs my boney shoulders and turns me in one shift move around 'Liam i'm sorry I should have known you weren't ready to hear it and i'm such an idio-' I cut his endless rambling of with pressing my lips on his. He stiffens I keep moving my lips. It's actually very awkward cus' we stand in the middle the path and I'm the only one who kisses. Fail.

He pulls away and I fall off cloud 9.
He stares at me like i'm mental 'i'm not gonna say sorry if you are gonna wait on that' I said sassy turning away from him I see Louis' range rover drive and stop beside us.

'Step in losers , we're going home' He said I step in and Niall follows.
We don't talk 'But Lou how am I going home if my parents don't accept me?' I asked. 'Uhm you can stay at Niall's place?' He asked 'Sure you're always welcome' Niall said not bothered to look me in the eyes.
'I don't want to be a burden' I said 'You won't be and besides my mom loves you' He said.
'Okay than I would love to stay' I said.

We entered Niall's house 'Niall is that you sweetheart?' His mom called from the kitchen 'No i'm a Poltergeist' He answered I chuckle.
His mom walks in she gasps 'Liam you are skin and bones!' She said loudly. I feel the warn tears coming up in my eyes 'He knows , the stress in the gay rehab clinic ruined him' Niall said a hint of angry in his voice.
'Gay rehab?' She said surprised.
Niall explained everything , his mom hugs 'My poor boy I can't believe you parents did that to you! You can always stay here don't worry honey' she said. I thank her kindly.

'We are gonna go upstairs and sleep so goodnight' He said 'Do you want to take a shower?' He asked I nod.
He gives me a towel and I enter the bathroom. I strip off my clothes , step in the shower and put it on. I missed having warm showers , the rehab I only could take cold showers.
After 10 minutes I dry myself and put on a sweater Niall left and a pair of boxers and a sweatpants. The sweatpants is a little bit to short. The sweater fits perfectly because of my weight loss.

I see Niall laying on his bed laughing at a video 'You look good in my clothes' He said I turn red and mumble a thank you. He leaves to shower and I'm sitting on his bed. I see a brown booklet laying on his nightstand and I know I shouldn't do this but I pick it up and start reading.
It is all about the treatment and one specific page caught my eye.

Today Liam texted me out of the nowhere all these days I was worried sick since the last time I saw him I kind of freaked out for days. His utterly adorable brown puppy eyes lost that sparkle and that's not right.
Besides that i'm home and still writing! I still enjoy it , I'm happy with me to be honest. The biggest lesson I learned in the treatment is that Perfection is accepting yourself the way you are and not caring what others thing about you. I never was fat and I'll never gonna be ( well maybe when i'm old) I fell in love with someone , in the treatment center it came to my attention but-

'What are you doing Liam!' Niall yelled I get scared to shit and the booklet falls on the ground. I feel like shit now , I shouldn't have read it.
'What have you read?' Niall asked furrowed eyebrows. 'Just looked a bit and I might have read about your love for someone....' I said looking at him guilty 'Shit you didn't read who right?' He said placing a hand over his eyes 'No I promise I didn't' I said confused by his reaction.

'Let's sleep' He said obviously trying to move to a different subject.
'Yeah uhm where can I sleep?' I asked , Niall scratches his neck 'Well you can like sleep with me in mine bed if you don't mind' He rambled I smile warmly 'I don't mind' I said.

I get in bed 'Do you uhm want to cuddle?' Niall asked blushing I answer with pulling him closer. I hope he can't feel my heart beat.
'Goodnight Liam' He said wrapping his arms around me 'Goodnight Niall' I said.

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Isn't it adorable ?!
Sorry for the shortness of this chapter :/
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