Ana taught me (N.H.au )

Lesson 20) Back at the bottom

Liam's POV
1 week passed and today I am gonna get help. I wasn't able to eat anything , we went to a doctor they say I have Bullimia. I never imagined myself dealing with this problem.

Niall and I stand in the front of the same building he has got his therapy.
'They're nice here Li you're in good hands' He said tears in his eyes. I swallow thickly 'I'm gonna come earlier back than you' I said smirking , he laughed 'We'll see good luck man' he said.

Niall's POV
I'm scared he will lose the battle , he's strong don't get me wrong but after what happend in the last therapy i'm scared he has a trauma.

I walk past an dark alley 'Look what you done to my son' He said. 'What have I done?' I asked beyond confused 'It's your fault he got Bullimia you started with your pathetic eating disorder and you made my son believe he is' He said.

"You hear it it's your fault , you better run 20 km you deserve that" ana said.

I feel tears coming up in my eyes 'It isn't my fault' I yelled at him 'You don't even believe yourself , you made it happen yourself and you watched it happen' He said , the tears stream down my face.

~*~

2 hours passed , I worked out heavily.
My muscles burn and I feel like throwing up. 'Are you coming downstairs to eat honey?' My mom yelled 'I'm not feeling well mom I skip' I lied , she comes upstairs and feels my forehead 'You are bloody hot you better take a shower and lay in bed' My mom said.

I checked my phone on messages.

Nialler! I just got a room , my roommate isn't really that talkish sadly. I'm gonna miss you i'll be back soon xoxo Liam

I smile at the text.

Liamo , goodluck you are stronger than you think and you are a pusher.
Ignore your roommate you have me :)
See you soon mate x Leprachaun

I layed my phone away and went to bed.

** 'Fat ass!' 'Run piggy run' 'What size that shirt? 3 times XL?' 'Liam hates you' the whole school screams things like this to me.
I run and run but the hall doesn't seem to end there are no doors to escape from them. Josh walks to me and pinches my stomach 'So fat don't you feel ashamed?' He laughed. I close my eyes and sit down trying to block away all the voices.**

I snap awake breathing heavily , my heart beats hard in my chest and sweat is covering my whole body. I look at the clock on my nightstand.
4:00 a.m. 'Fuck' I curse.

Liam's POV

** I leave the building , Louis stands outside I run up to him and hug him.
'It's good to feel muscles again Li' He said smiling big. 'I'm happy to see you again Lou' I said. But when we pull away I see his eyes are bloodshot.
'Louis have you cried?' He nods 'Why?' I asked he looks at me confused. 'Didn't you hear?' He asked 'No...' I said.
'Niall died yesterday' I swear my heart stopped beating 'No!' I yelled 'I'm sorry Li but you had to heal fully' He said sobbing 'How?' My lip trembled heavily 'He died because of his Anorexia' He cried 'Again we missed his weird behavior' He said.
I collapsed with my knees on the ground 'No no no' I sobbed and hiccuped.
**

'NOO!' I yelled my eyes open I scan the room 'Are you alright?' A male voice asked. I breath heavily and my body is covered in sweat. 'It was all a dream' I said 'Thank fucking god' I said. 'Nightmare?' He asked 'Yes' I sighed heavily.

Niall's POV
I get woken by my mom yelling that I'm late and i'm probably gonna miss the first clas. I fast get out of bed and run to the scale. Weighing myself , crying and put on a sweater.

I walk to school today I need the exercise. I got met by Zayn 'Morning Niall' he said with a tired voice. 'Morning' I said emotionless 'why are you wearing a sweater it's gonna be 19 degrees today' Zayn asked 'Couldn't find something else' I lied.

The first 3 periods passed , break time the time I can get caught. I sit down on the table with Louis , Harry , Zayn , Perrie and the girls.
'But this bloody asshole from a teacher laughed in my face' Perrie was complaining. Everyone was talking to each other and here am I sitting getting ignored. I never felt so lost in a crowd of people. 'Niall have you heard something from Liam?' Harry asked 'Yes a text I'll show you' I gave my phone. 'Aww sweet' He said giving me a wink.

Louis stands up and sits down next to me , he pokes my tummy making me feel really uncomfortable. 'Stop that' I sneered 'Sorry, can I borrow your summery for English?' He asked.
'Sure...' I said taking the summary out of my backpack. 'Thanks' he said poking my tummy again.

"He knows you gained weight and now he's teasing you" ana said.

Shut your fucking mouth "Don't be so ungrateful you need me and besides that, you ruined that boy what was his name? Oh yeah Liam" Ana said "So now we know why we are doing this, throw away those peanut butter sandwiches of 188 calories I can almost feel you gaining weight" Ana said.

I stand up and throw those away. 'I haven't seen you moving this much in awhile piggy' Josh said smirking. Words , they seem so innocent but hurt so much. I dare to say that words hurt more than Physical pain. I rather get stabbed physical than get stabbed in the heart by words.

One thing they both have in common:
They leave scars. The buzzer goes , I take my backpack and walk to my art class.

I sit down in the back 'So class I have an important assignment for you , I want to dare you to draw or paint your deepest feelings or deepest fear something that is bothering you. This mark will be your last mark for this year so you better don't ruin it. You can start now' Mrs Falls said. Mrs falls has an dark past , I've seen old cuts on her wrists and she once told us in class about it.
I raise my hand , she walks to me 'Yes Niall?' She asked sweetly 'If I draw my deepest secret/fear/thing that is bothering me can you please lay mine somewhere else so no one sees it' I asked turning a bit red 'Of course Niall! I'm proud you dared to ask now go on make something beautiful' She said.

I've decided to make something easy but that it looks hard. I make a alley in perspective and a person against the wall , you can only see the legs the rest is covered in shadows. There's a little pool of water next to the legs.
I erase a part where probably would have been the head and start writing.
I start writing what Ana would say and sign it off with her name. Things that has to do with depression and suicide really dark. We have 2 hours for this.

The next hour has started. On the back of my drawing I start writing a piece of text about Ana and everything people said.

And after all, your words will still be with me. carved on my skin , running in my veins resonating through my bones. Your words will stay.

I decide it's not enough , I didn't give Ana enough credits.

I believe in monsters.
Monsters are the calories in food.
Monsters are the size of your jeans.
Monsters are the self hatred in me.
Monsters are society , the judgmental society.

A single tear lands on the paper, I wrote down what was dying to come out and I'm proud if myself. I done it.
The buzzer goes and I wait until everyone has left the classroom. I give my drawing to Mrs Falls.
'Can I have a quick sneak peak already?' She asked curious I nod. She looks at the drawing and read the text. She turns the paper and read one of the texts. 'Wow Niall this is really deep , if you ever ever want to talk to me you can always come. You know where I went through' she grabbed my shoulder. I nod unable to get any words out.

'Okay , hurry up before you miss your next class say that your late because of me' I nod.

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I'm proud of this chapter tbh
It really got me thinking like the whole words and physical thing.
I've decided that i'm making the fanfic maybe a bit longer so :)
X