Funny Little Love

I'm not talking to that Idiot Anymore

16

ALEX

I slam the door shut as I enter my house. Thank God, my parents aren't home yet. I don't have the energy to explain why my eyes are all puffy and red. I can barely even speak. My throat hurts due to all the sobbing on my way home.

My phone won't stop ringing in my pocket due to a sudden burst of notifications. I'm not that active on social media. Neither does anyone except Lizzie keep continuously texting me. The last time my phone went this crazy was when I came out.

I somehow drag myself upstairs to my room and fall down on my bed.

Shawn Hoffmann, the school heartthrob, the neighborhood's known heartbreaker, famous for having one-night stands with girls and then breaking their hearts the next day. The only excuse with which he always used to get away was honesty. He used to tell the girls on their face that all he wanted was casual sex, if they decided to still go on with it, it's on them. Why did I use the past tense when I said 'used to get away with honesty'? What changed? Two things changed. This time he played with a boy, though he might be too proud to admit it in the public, and this time, he wasn't honest in any way, because what he did with me was not a one-night stand. This was a fucking two months thing during which he used my body like a sex toy, enticing me with words like "I love you" and then revealing that all of it meant nothing when the time came to confess in front of his own sister.

All those words about how he would confess how much he loved me to anyone in the world were just words. It didn't seem like sarcasm when he said it. It didn't seem like he was trying to talk all dramatic. It seemed so genuine. Or was it just me? Was I too blinded by how much I liked him to see if it really was sarcasm?

Whenever I would get sad and lonely, he always used to hug me tight and tell me, "I'll always love you, no matter what, you're safe". Guess they were all just words.

I feel horrible. My heart feels too heavy and my head is throbbing. I can't deal with all the notifications right now. But I have to shush my phone so that I can atleast try to sleep all these shitty emotions out.

I turn on my phone screen just to lower the notification sound, and that's when I notice what almost made my phone explode.

163 messages from Lizzie (1 min ago)

4 messages from Cain (4 mins ago)

2 messages from Shawn (8 mins ago)

Lizzie's last four messages read:

Alex please answer me...

Are you okay?

I'm not talking to that idiot anymore...

I'm not angry on you, I don't care if you're dating my brother, I don't care if you guys had sex, I was shocked for sure but I was never against it, it's your personal life, I'm not supposed to interfere in it, I'm supposed to help you in it, please reply, I hate when you do this...

Wow, writing huge paragraphs is so not like Lizzie. She must be really worried.

I decide to reply. It's not her fault that her brother is an asshole. Also, Lizzie doesn't talk shit, whatever she says or writes, she always means it and also, she's not a man, which makes her more trustable.

"I'm okay. Just a bit sad. That's it." I hit send and quickly get out of Lizzie's chat before she can text me again and I have to continue the conversation. I just don't have any more energy left to extend any conversation mentioning Shawn.

I open Cain's chats.

They read:

Lizzie told me about what happened and asked me to make sure you're okay. She got real angry when I said I knew you guys were dating and screamed at me for making her an outsider but she agreed what you're facing is more important.

You're okay right?

It's okay if you don't wanna respond.

Let's meet tomorrow at the Cafe in front of the school, you need to talk to people now and I'm not letting you lock yourself in. I'll invite Lizzie too.

Cain is so sweet.

"Okay. Text me the time. I'll be there." I text back.

"Alex, do you want some dinner? Shall I bring it up to you?" I hear mom's voice from downstairs.

"No, thanks, I'm not hungry." I answer.

"You sure about that? You don't want anything?" Mom asks again.

"I'm sure." I reply.

Wow, it's already dinner time? How long have I been doing this for?

I was about to put down the phone when I realize one chat is still left to open. Shawn's chat.

I think multiple times, whether I should see whatever he has texted.

I finally decide that I should see it, I cannot resist it, I don't care anymore if it's good or if it's bad, if all of that didn't matter to him, it didn't matter to me too, though I'd be lying about that if I said it didn't matter.

I tap on Shawn's name and read the two messages.

I'm sorry.

Please reply.

Seriously? Is this a joke?

I write what I truly wanna tell him.

"Don't ever talk to me again."

I hit send.

His reply comes almost instantly.

"But why?"

You still ask why? What about the time you promised your sister that whatever happened between us meant nothing? What about the time you kept silent when I asked you myself if all of it really did mean nothing to you?

All the hugs, all the kisses, all those times we slept together, all those times we felt each other's heart beating meant nothing. I guess I expected to much from him.

I don't answer him. I just go up to his contact and hit "block".

My head hits the pillow.

You can't mess with me anymore Shawn. You can't play with me like you did with all those girls. You can't get away with this one.

I feel my senses dimming. I feel my eyes close but I'm far from relaxed. How can I be relaxed after the only person I've ever felt this way about has stabbed me right in my heart with him promising, not to the public, but his sister and me myself, that whatever had happened between us, meant nothing. All this promise took was a leaked kissing pic.

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Author's Note: I wanted to dedicate an entire chapter to the emotional aspect of what effect Shawn's words had on Alex.

This fight makes me feel so uncomfortable.

These two seemed so good together.

I hope they fix it between themselves.

I want them to make each other happy.

Of course, Shawn's POV would be there too.