Funny Little Love

You're The One At The Door

22

SHAWN

The conversation with Alex wasn't expected at all. When I woke up in the morning that day, all I knew was soccer practice.

My coach has weekly soccer practices scheduled for Mondays and he always insists that I attend and I usually want to except that today Alex has his dance rehearsals.

Its kind of like a co-curriculars day for the school, or maybe just the two of us.

I memorized Alex's schedule when I used to follow him around early on in the year. I started feeling things for him, a long time before he came out. It was not a predominantly physical in nature. I was attracted to his mind, his personality, his vulnerability. He has the unique thing about him, he lets people affect him, he's insanely open, he doesn't object to other people insulting him, he doesn't appear to even defend himself, yet he never let's those insults stop him from living his life, doing what he wants to do, being as human as he can. He is the definition of strength coexisting with vulnerability.

Alex is like his own version of a superhero, but even the strongest need encouragement, need love and need assurance that what others call them while insulting them isn't actually true, need someone to tell them that they are enough, that they are perfect the way they are. So does Alex but he never had many sources to get the encouragement and love. He often broke down. Sometimes in the school toilets, sometimes in his room, sometimes on the dance stage.

There were always only two people who helped him out of the misery of his own mind. Those two people are Lizzie and me. Well, I may as well use the past tense for me. I'm definitely not one of those people that Alex looks to for comfort or love. I'm maybe one of his biggest problems right now.

I hate being the person who did what I did to Alex. I didn't use him. I would never use him. I know I have a reputation of a player but I swear I would never play with him. Not him.

I hate not being able to handle my emotions. I don't exactly know why. I act according to what I feel when I'm not conscious of it, but when I am conscious of it, my reflex is to run away from the situation. I try hard to say what I feel but whenever it's go time, I always silence myself, it's automatic. Some part of me feels that emotions are weakness. I want to be strong but I don't wanna make Alex feel that I played with him.

I wanna tear my brain out. This is so frustrating. I'm addicted to Alex, addicted to how he makes me feel. If it's a good addiction or bad, I don't know.

Today, the conversation I had with Alex before coming home, was a disaster. I know he said that he would like to be friends but I also know that he is extremely hurt because I just apparently confirmed that I played with him by not saying anything.

My brain hurts. I need a bit coffee before I continue decorating.

"Hey Julius, I'm gonna go get a coffee. I'll be back in a minute." I say.

"Yeah sure. Could you hand me over some of the balloon packets before you go?" Julius says. 

"Yeah sure." I hand over a packet before escaping to the kitchen.

I put some coffee beans into the coffee machine.

The sharp sound of the doorbell reaches my ears.

I rush to the door.

I lean on the door to keep my weight on it and look at Julius.

"Is it Lizzie? We haven't even finished decorating." I whisper to him.

"You're the one at the door." Julius says. 

"What if it's her? Is it her?" I ask.

"Man, you have the eyepiece right by you." Julius says with a disappointed look on his face.

Oh right.

I peek through the eyepiece.

Wow, it's not Lizzie. It's the very person whose thought had been splitting my brain into half. What's he doing here?

I open the door. 

Alex is there standing at the door.

His face adapts a sad expression on seeing me.

"Cain texted me to come help. I took a bath and came over." he attempted a smile.

He catches a sight of Julius.

"HEYYY" he enters and goes to him to hug him.

I already miss his hugs so hard.

"Lizzie would be so happy. You're like the ideal boyfriend, wow. Love you guys so much." Alex smiles at Julius.

So he's now a perfect boyfriend?

"Missed all of you guys so much. UCLA was tough entry but I got in. I was so happy." Julius answered smiling.

"You should be." Alex said.

Woah, this is way too much for me. Watching him talk to anyone as comfortably as he once talked to me is torture.

"Let's go back to work? It's almost 7. Lizzie will be here any minute." I say trying to break them up even though it is almost 7 and Lizzie might be ringing the bell any minute now.

"We're almost done. Just get the confetti cannons ready." Julius says.

"Oh no. Not just the confetti cannons. I knew Shawn always forgets the cakes, so I bought it for you." Alex says. 

"What cakes?" Julius says. 

"Your welcoming cake." Alex points at the package on our table.

Wow, when did that appear there?

Alex must have brought it inside with him when he entered.

Was he carrying something when he entered? 

I was too focused on his face. 

He took out a chocolate covered cake out of the package. It had brown colored solid chocolate loops on top for decoration and the words, "Welcome to America, Julius" was written on top in white frosting.

"Oh My God, thanks." Julius hugs Alex.

There was a tiny tap on the backdoor which interrupted Julius and Alex's awful hug.

I opened it.

Almost every person who was there in the beach party was queued at the door.

Cain told me to keep it crowded because both Lizzie and Julius love crowds rather than socializing with fewer people individually, so I invited them.

I let them in.

"Don't shut the door. More people will be coming." the last girl who came in said before I could close the door.

"What's going on? Why are so many people here?" Lizzie's voice said. 

"SURPRISE" everyone yelled.

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Author's Note: I know this chapter is short but don't worry, the next chapter will have lot more stuff. Would have been boring if I packed everything into this one.

This chapter explores a specific aspect of Shawn and Alex's early relationship and also shows Shawn's part of the story. What he feels, why he acts the way he acts and how he sees Alex.

Do you guys like Shawn or do you think he's an idiotic fucker?

Who gets the metaphor in the title? Select this text and comment here>>

If you don't understand the metaphor, no problem, just some extra fun for literature nerds like me...

Another thing. I'm gonna type this in bold...

Vote for the chapters, makes me feel good and also indicates that you liked the chapter.