two in a million,, tommyinnit.

xxiv

As usual, my insomnia leaves me wide awake in the middle of the night.

Well, actually, I don't know if I can blame it on my inability to sleep this time.

The hours I spent on call with Tommy yesterday have been haunting my mind. I can't let that single moment of realisation go. Everything just suddenly makes sense. It's like I was seeing everything through a dirty window, and then suddenly someone grabbed a wet sponge and wiped it clean and everything is clear now.

Do I hate him? No.

Do I... like him?

Well.

Possibly.

Fuck, what am I going to do? Why did the universe pick me, of all the people in the world, to fall in love with the most loud-mouthed teenage moron I know?

(A/N — I'm😭just😔a🥀teenage🤢dirtbag💔baby🎶)

I'm never going to be able to tell him about it. God. If he ever finds out what a mess my feelings about him are... I'd never recover. He'd never let me get over the fact that I might actually like him.

Plus, there's the whole other side of things.

The fact that he doesn't like me back.

I guess the best thing to do is wait it out. Wait until it's all gone. Until this tangle of feelings has left my brain once and for all.

But I already know I'm screwed.

My heart thumps beneath my covers, beating out the syllables of his name, beating out the seconds that pass as I fall deeper and deeper into the cesspool of my confusion. With a sigh, I roll over and stuff my face into a pillow, his laughter still rebounding round my brain.

***

Over the next week, despite that college work is starting to build up, I start to stream even more than usual. To talk to my viewers more, of course, especially seeing as they multiply every time I interact with my new friends. But also for that safe, calming feeling when the Discord call connects and I hear Tommy's loud greeting in my ears. For the sense of relief that comes whenever I'm able to talk to him. For the raucous laughter that follows our stupid conversations that spiral off topic as soon as they start.

Our friendship is that breath of fresh air that I need to bring my happiness to the surface. It's exactly what I need after a long day of squinting at a screen full of size 14 font while Liza chatters my ears off with her endless babble about boys and makeup and designer fashion brands.

It's stronger than any friendship I've had before. Like, Niki and I used to call every few days. But that was different. She's more of an "I'll tell you all my secrets" friend. Tommy's... Tommy's a "let's talk for hours until my PC battery dies and then I'll call you back from my phone until I have nothing left to say to you" friend.

And I dunno, but I definitely need one of those people in my life right now.

***

Redical is live: HISTORY IS ABOUT TO BE MADE!!!! FT. FAMOUS PEOPLE xoxo

I spin around in my desk chair, hands clasped in front of my stomach. My bright eyes flicker through my chat as it begins to flood with questions and excited spam, all in caps lock.

Chat:
Person208: HIIIII
Person182: OMG WHATS HAPPENING
Person779: PLEASEE THE SUSPENSE

I laugh, and twist my headphones round slightly. "Right, okay, guys. Are you ready?" My head shakes slightly, and my coppery hair, braided back into a thick rope, brushes against my shoulder. "I really don't think you're ready for this. Like. At all. You're just... not."