Recklessly, Impossibly, Yet Beautifully You

3

I woke up peacefully this morning since it's Saturday and there's no alarm to make me question my contentment of not killing someone or something. As I begin to get a shower, I remember how I told myself last night that I would take some time to sit at the train tracks. There were old train tracks in my home town that I used to sit by and cry at when my mom would finish her sobs about my father. I went there after my first heartbreak when my ex told me that I was useless. The train tracks have always been my one little place to just let myself feel everything. I've cried there, I've laughed hysterically there, I've tried lividly ripping up the tracks there. Yet still, they always remain there to welcome me.

Today was cold enough that I actually had to put on a sweater. As I walked, I felt that the sun was warm but the air had a chill to it that certainly wasn't there a week ago. The tracks are only 10 minutes away from me, so I decided to buy some time and grab a coffee at the little corner shop up my street.

As I entered the door I accidentally ran into the man in front of me. "Oh god! Sorry!" I breathed out and then looked up to see one of my closest friends Jack laughing  and grabbing my arm to help me up straight. "I'm suing!" He joked as he brushed his hands off. "Jack!" I gave him a small yet meaningful hug as I haven't seen him in a week which was very rare for us. "Vanna, it's been a whole 7 days, I was starting to question if you were dead. In fact, I was actually here to grab you a coffee and come over to surprise you or more so just make sure that you're still breathing and moving." My heart throbbed because I knew that he was serious. Jack has always been the most amazing friend I've ever had, solely because he just cares so god damn much. "Well I suppose I surprised you first." I laughed out.  He smiled and replied, "do you just want to sit and have some coffee here?"

My plans I had made this morning and last night were completely obliterated because I ended up spending the entire day with Jack. We sat on the beach and talked about jobs and University. We went to the arcade and I ended up crushing him in ski ball which he then proceeded to scream rigged repetitively until I couldn't breathe with laughter. And we finished off the day with dinner at a new restaurant that had recently opened up.

It was now 10 pm. I still really wanted to go sit at the tracks so I headed there. Plus I like going at night better anyways. I get a nicer view of the stars. I approached the tracks and climbed up a bunch of rocks so I sat on a perch overlooking the tracks and the city. Over the last few months that I've been coming here, I slowly molded a little path to get up here easier. The air was sharp by night but I didn't mind. I looked up at the stars for a while.

I've loved stars ever since I was little. My teachers hated me because all day I would beg them to teach the class astronomy so I could learn about the stars. It still to this day fascinates me about how big they are when you're right next to one, but when you're down in this hole we call Earth, each one is just merely a speck. The stars calm me because I know that to them I am not even visible and that all of these struggles I face in my life are nothing to the universe beyond me. The same obsession goes for the moon as well. I stand up to get a closer look at a specific star and I go near the edge of the perch because I think I see a new one tonight. I hear a slight crunch in the leaves, but I know that a lot of animals live around these tracks.

As I squint at the sky I hear someone scream painfully loud, "NO STOP!! NO DON'T!!"