Recklessly, Impossibly, Yet Beautifully You

9

"So what, do you want the nitty gritty stuff or just the cute I go to university stuff?" I ask.

"Mmmm" he scratches his chin, "nitty gritty, I can tell that you've been through some shit. I'm all ears."

"Well what a lovely introduction. Uhhh, my mom and dad divorced when I was 8 and I kinda became my moms therapist after it happened. She would dump all of her money, and housing, and relationship issues onto me and I just kinda learned how to deal with it."

I can see his eyes grow sadder and it has me questioning why he seems so upset for me.

He shouldn't be worried or sad about me, why is he?

"And ever since all of that I knew therapy and psychology was the right job for me. Brighton University has the most amazing psychology department and I've always wanted to live in Europe so that's how I'm here."

I look up and can't really read his face, he looks understanding but also confused and sad.

"It always confuses me how the loveliest people who have genuine intentions written all over them hurt the most and face those issues.

Like why did the beautiful girl who smiles and lights up the room have to be the same girl who cried and hid most of her life?"

Beautiful girl?

Who lights up the room?

I can't even hide the shock on my face or the blush that is spreading through my head to my neck. (Red hair will make that blush show on every inch of your skin believe me).

Wil laughs at my absolute excited shock and says, "yes Vanna I called you beautiful. I'm flattered that it has such and effect on you."

I smile like an absolute idiot.

"Wil I think you're beautiful too".

His blush is most certainly as bad as mine and it is adorable.

"Can you meet me at the tracks tonight? I want to show you something". I blurt it out before I can even shut my lips.

"Of course."

"Ok". I smile. "Now you tell me some nitty gritty stuff."

He looks defeated, "now who said I have to do that to?" He quirks an eyebrow playfully.

"Hey don't dish out what you can't take back in yourself" I joke with a shrug.

"We'll let's see, I was in a really long relationship. Like reallllly long and realllllyyyy serious. I mean I was ready to start looking for a ring because I was sick of saying girlfriend.

Her name was Panna. And for the most part she was like my dream girl. Our only thing was that she was super judgmental sometimes.

I have a tendency to ramble about really weird uncommon interests."

This makes me smile because that is way too much like me.

"And I'm obsessed with geography and traveling. Don't get me wrong she loved the traveling part. She was the girl who loved the touristy areas and getting pictures of her on the deck with the sunset in the background.

I was the guy who loved taking the tours where the guides would tell you all about the history of the area.

She was the girl who could talk for hours about a vegan hair shampoo but couldn't bare to listen to anything about how the immune system fights off sicknesses.

I was the guy who could tell you every living fact about a hammerhead shark but would rather rip my teeth out than listen to a conversation about yoga center that has a smoothie bar in the center of it.

But other than that issue we were perfect. We had cute instagram pictures of us pecking a quick kiss and we had cute little dinner dates.

And she was pretty, and she thought I was attractive.

But she was with another guy the whole time."

I felt my heart sink past my feet and into the earth.

I don't even know why but I was enraged by this Panna girl.

How could you ever cheat on someone so beautifully amazing?

How could you fake such a special relationship he thought he was in?

"And then I ended it, and every so often these terrible disgusting thoughts leak into my head. Like, what if I was too boring and she had a good reason to cheat? And maybe she deserved another guy to secretly be in her life.

I obviously don't believe those things but sometimes it's really hard to remember that"

He looks up and sees my face.

I couldn't see how I looked but I felt so many things.

I felt anger, hatred, so much sorrow, and confusion.

"God Wil, that's - I don't even know how to break that down. I will never understand how a human could cheat on someone they claim to love.

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I hope you know you deserve so much better."

Right then our food came. It was too fucking good.

We didn't talk about what he told me and I could tell it took a lot out of him to say anything in the first place.

So we moved on and talked about other things.

It was the best breakfast I'd ever had.