Leaving my love behind

chapter 29

Meredith's POV: 

*Meredith's dream*

"Please! Please stop!"

The pain seeps through each limb as if I was getting attacked again it feels so real and I can't seem to escape the brutal attack once again I'm stuck here reliving each kick, each punch each time they yelled and all I can do is let the nightmare continue.

"Please, please I have kids."

Derek's POV:

I'm not even allowed to go into Meredith's room without one of her friends accompanying me in case she has another panic attack and it's killing me not being able to see her whenever I want and can, and that I have to have permission she is my girlfriend and the mother of my children I should be allowed to see her.

I'm sitting outside Meredith's room waiting for Izzie to come so we can check on her, I start to hear sniffling and it takes me a moment to register that it's Meredith crying and monitors blaring and without any thought, I begin to rush into her room to be by her side.

"Meredith, shhh it's me, calm down." 

I start stroking her hair back and then her eyes bolt open and her heart rate starts to go extremally high and I'm frozen still I don't know what to do except stay sitting.

"Derek! What are you doing here! You know she will freak out she still thinks that you are him, she can't handle the stress you needed to have waited for Izzie. Go outside while I sedate Meredith."

"But Bailey, she is my girlfriend I need to be with you please understand I can't just leave her by herself not able to speak or hear, please."

"Derek, no. She needs to process what has happened and it's clear she has PTSD so once she can hear again we will bring a psych consult and then maybe, maybe she will be up to seeing you by yourself until then please do as you are told."

//

*A couple of days later still Derek's POV*

Meredith still hasn't been letting me or any male in that matter come visit or check her vitals and it's killing me not being able to see her knowing that she is in her room scared and hurt and can't see her kids.

"Derek!"

I turn around and I see mum standing at the nurse's station waving at me to come over and I'm confused I never called her explaining the situation.....I never called her.

"Derek, explain to me why Mark had to be the one that called me to let me know that my future daughter in law in hospital badly injured?"

"I swear I was going to tell you but I'm not even allowed to see her and with work and the girls it's been very busy sorry."

"Derek, it sounds like she has some trauma from the attack now let's go to lunch with the girls and you can explain to me what happened.

Meredith's POV:

I've been here for days now and I'm bored out of my mind I can't hear or speak and I'm dying to Eliza and Amelia they must be so confused on why I haven't been around, and I want to see Derek I miss him, I need to feel his embrace, I need to smell his scent I miss everything about him but I'm scared.

I'm scared that he will be like him, I know that Derek isn't like that but I can't shake the feeling, I can't be around anyone without feeling on edge, I jump at the slightest sign but although I have all these doubts I still ache for Derek and to see him.

I sit here and contemplate what I should do but it seems the universe has already made my decision for me as I see Carolyn walk in and Derek standing by the door clearly unsure if he is welcomed and knowing that I can't help but feel guilty. I can see their lips moving but I can't hear anything and that is so irritating. So I wrote on the whiteboard,

"What are you saying?"

C- "Hi, Meredith I wanted to see how you were and if you wanted me to look after the girls while you and Derek are here?"

"Derek?"

Once again more mouths moving but no sound.

"I want to see Derek."

C-"I'll let him know that you want to see him and I'll see the girls."

"Thank you."

Derek walked and we locked eyes and gave each other a small smile the first interaction we have had in days but we knew that there was tension in the air and without the ability to hear or talk it would take a while to work on the elephant in the room.

Derek's POV:

"Derek. That's just terrible I wish I would have known sooner I would have flown down to help out you must be struggling to keep it all together."

"Ma, it's fine everyone is helping out."

"Well, I think we should go visit Meredith she must be bored out of her mind and in need of some company right about now."

"I don't know, there are rules in place that no male doctors or male enter without permission from her doctors or Meredith herself, and well I haven't been asked to see her yet she is still coming to terms with it all."

"Well I'm going you can come with me or you don't come it won't be stopping me."

//

"Derek, she's asked to see you, I'll go see Eliza and Amelia"

She- she really wants to see me? She has asked for me? Pull yourself together Derek!

I walk into her room and we lock eyes we try to give each other smile to convince the other we are fine but we both know we are both far from it but for now, the half-hearted smile is enough, being in her room is enough.

*Whiteboard*

"Meredith, I'm so so sorry this happened to you.

I should have looked for you sooner.

I'm sorry."

...

"Derek, I'm sorry for not letting you see me.

It's just I'm scared and I don't know what else to do,

than push everyone away."

...

"Meredith you look very tired,

get some sleep I'll stay with you if you like?"

...

"Lay with me?":

...

"Of course."

Meredith's POV:

I'm in the alley again. It's happening again, the repeated kicking and punching, the pain returns and won't stop as much as I begged.

"Stop please, please stop."

I open my eyes and I see a male figure by my bedside and I start to panic.

Hi everyone so I personally don't think I this chapter is the best tbh but I still hope you liked it and if so don't forget to vote and comment it means the world :)

Thank you for showing the story so much love, I'm debating if I should write another story at some point I just need ideas so if you have any let me know and I'll tag you or something. If you have any idea for this story or advice also let me know :) 

Have a great day and sorry if there are any mistakes.

-Cerys