Passion is the Divide Between Hunger and Need: A Tears of Shame Novel

Chapter 19: The Second Letter

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Recap chap 18:

The tear-stained stationary was entitled ‘My Beloved Child’. I took a deep breath, swallowed the fear that suddenly ceased me and examined the heart wrenching last words scribed by my mother on the day of her death.

I lifted my eyes from the ivory page and immediately felt numb. Every emotion I had ever felt twisted and crashed in my heart like a violent tornado that ripped trees from the earth and left chaos in its wake, with nothing left but unadulterated devastation.

Because that is what I was… completely and utterly devastated.

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Chapter 19: The Second Letter

My Beloved Child,

I hope that you have read my first letter and understand why I have done what I’ve done. My choices were difficult to make, but it was my life and they were my choices. I only ask for your compassion and understanding. Know that I will love you always.

I asked your father to give you this second letter when you were old enough to understand. Hopefully, that time is now. I have made many mistakes in my life and have faced many hardships. All of the events that occurred before my death are what shaped me into the person I am, or was, because if you are reading this than I am no longer with you.

I don’t regret any of the things that happened to me because if I did, I wouldn’t have had you. I want a chance to explain what I have faced so you can better comprehend the reasons for my choices.

When I was 12 years old, my mother committed suicide. She offered me no explanation for taking her own life. The only thing she left me was a letter and a pendant necklace. I never wore it because I was angry and agonized over her death. I held on to that anger and pain for the rest of my life, only realizing too late, that I had wasted my time hating someone I should have been honoring and loving the entire time. So, please accept this necklace as my gift and wear it proudly as a symbol of your heritage.

In the event that you haven’t learned about my past, I must explain why I died. I was abducted and tortured daily by your father’s cousin Gabriel. He, along with his accomplice Selene, your uncle’s wife, held me against my will for two long months. My body was irreparably damaged by their cruel torture, which is why I wasn’t strong enough to survive your birth.

You may be wondering why I didn’t choose to be turned into a vampire. The answer to that question is complicated, but in simple terms, I was afraid that if I was changed, that I would lose control over my mind and body and harm or kill someone, as some vampires often do. Gabriel was a blatant example of this.

What made my decision complicated was the fact that I was in love with two men at once. When I first met your father, I was betrothed to him but neither of us was interested in the other. He was disinterested in me because he was involved with another woman. I was lonely and afraid, so I became close with another, your Uncle Ronan. I fell in love with him, and it was wrong of me to get involved with him, but I am not ashamed of the love that I felt for him. The heart wants what it wants. Love is not rational and does not follow the rules.

But soon after this, your father saw the error of his ways. We reconciled and grew closer. I fell in love with him as well. I was left with two men that I loved and an awful decision to make. After the months of torment that I endured, I was rescued by both your father and uncle and that was when I made my choice. I choose your father because in my heart and deep in my soul, I felt that he was the one I truly wanted and needed. I believe to this day, that I made the right choice.

Of course your Uncle Ronan was saddened by my decision and he dealt with it the wrong way. He had just lost his wife Selene and was tormented by his own demons. I still loved him, but I knew that I loved your father more than anything in this world. In a desperate act of anger, depression, hunger and pain,  your uncle lost control of himself and raped me, the day after my wedding.

I understood the reason why it happened, he had lost control. After much soul searching I forgave him, as did your father. Ronan tortured himself relentlessly over his actions and he probably still does to this very day. The purpose of me confessing this to you, is that I don’t know who your father is and for that I am truly regretful.

Perhaps by the time you read this letter, you will know and understand all that has happened in my past. Please know, that every decision I made was not taken lightly, but I would not have chosen another course of action.

The only thing I ask of you is that you love both your father and your Uncle Ronan. Please forgive them both for their transgressions, as I did. Please try to understand all of our choices, whether you agree with them or not and whether they were wrong or right. In the end you have to be true to yourself. That was what I did and I have never regretted it.

Follow your heart and be true to your own desires. Don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of your happiness. We will meet again one day, and I know I will be proud of all that you have accomplished. I wish you all the love and happiness in life.

I love you always and will see you once again.

Your mother,

Arianna

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Sorry for the wait... this was only the letter, her reaction will come next, but probably will not be ready for 2 weeks. I hope it explains Aria's state of mind and has all of the important stuff in it.

Thanks to all of my readers, voters and commenters =D