Free Falling

59 | torn

The news didn't get out until five days later. I'd expected it a whole lot earlier, but the effect was still the same. The story made news headlines and covered every article post. It became the topic of morning shows with analysts droning on and on about the growing rate of shootings and question of safety in lower Manhattan.

Blog posts popped up everywhere with conspiracy theories that included talks alluding to Finn having affiliations with radical political groups and using his vast wealth to fund their operations.

It all had me sick to my stomach.

The police were running out of leads on the assailant and I grew wearier by the day. I spent most of my days at the hospital and watched as his room slowly filled with flowers and get well soon cards. I didn't have a clue whom they were from or how they'd gotten there, but every time I left the hospital and returned, I met a set that had not been there when I left.

Ingrid called first. She was still vacationing in Hawaii with her family and brother-in-law's and sounded borderline worried as she shot me a hundred questions at a go.

"How did it happen?"

"Are you alright?"

"Did you see his face?"

"How is Finn doing?"

"Where did it happen?"

"You got a tattoo?!"

"Everything's going to be okay, baby. I promise."

My family was the next to call, and I had to put my mom off from flying into the state.

"I can take a break from work to stay with you for a few days, at least until I'm sure you're okay."

"It's fine, mom. I appreciate it but you don't have to. I've got a lot of things to sort out and I won't be home a lot anyway."

"Are you sure? Be honest with me, Amanda. We've all been worried sick since we heard the news. You should have let us know earlier. You're keeping things again."

I rubbed my nose and held my phone closer as I sat huddled under a blanket on my couch, a box of take out left untouched on the table. "I've just had a hard time processing everything. I've got to go mom— I'll call you later."

She sighed. "Fine. I love you, we all do. If you need anything, please call."

"I will."

I waited for the line to go off and tossed my phone to the other side of the couch. It bounced and fell off, landing on the floor. Instead of picking it back up, I laid on my side and stared at the blank TV.

This had been my routine for the past couple of days now. Nate and Sienna paid me a visit yesterday and coddled me all through their stay. It seemed that they didn't know the right things to say to bring me out of my deep sadness and opted to help me clean and get groceries. When my bell rang earlier this morning, I ignored it and listened to footsteps leave.

I was in a rut and had no idea how to fix it. My thoughts revolved around Finn and him alone, and nothing came close to bringing me the usual satisfaction I felt from living.

My phone began to ring. I grit my teeth in irritation. I needed quiet. I needed to be alone. I didn't want to talk to anybody. The incessant ringing stopped and when I thought I'd finally gotten some peace, it began again.

I remained where I was, but when it rang again for a third time, I scrambled out of my position and grabbed it off the floor. One look at the screen elicited a loud, exhausted groan from me. She was the last person I wanted to speak to. I held the phone tight and hoped she wouldn't call again because I would find it hard to ignore the call.