Free Falling

09 | run

Tw: scenes pertaining to sexual assault up ahead.

It took a while before my brain registered what was going on.

Finn was kissing me.

The contact sent a wave of heat coursing through my body, my skin coming alive, very aware of him. I suddenly became numb to everything else but him. The water, the surprised howls of the other people around the pool. And most of all, my ability to think.

His lips were soft and warm, his tongue tracing the seams of my lips, seeking entrance. I gave in and kissed him back, my head screaming a million warnings but I shoved them behind. I was entranced, and my mind went blank when his tongue made contact with mine. His mouth moved with more expertise than mine and my hands snaked their way behind his head, greedily taking the hair at the nape of his neck.

"You drive me so fucking crazy," he muttered, sending me over the edge.

When his hands grabbed my thighs and banded them around his waist and I let out a moan, I broke off. This was going far, too fast.

"Amanda?" Finn called, voice thick with lust. I shook his voice out of my head and in a flash, pushed myself way from him and swam the opposite direction, towards the stairway.

I felt his hands grip my waist as he easily caught up to me. I turned to him so fast my hair whipped against his face.

"I need to go." I bit out, wriggling futilely against his grip.

"What's wrong?"

"Just let me go, dammit!" I yelled, tears welling up in my eyes. His eyebrows came together at my outburst, and in that moment I wished I could explain to him why I was acting this way. That my anxiety and paranoia was insurmountable. But doing that would just make us even more entwined than we already were.

His eyes searched my face, lips red and swollen from the kiss. I could only imagine what I looked like. God, no. I needed to get away from him. His hold on me loosened and I climbed out, skipping up the stairs two at a time until I reached the top. Low voices emanated from below and I guessed his friends were asking him what was going on. I hadn't even talked with anyone, except the blond who had been all over him. They must've thought I was a crazy person. I threw on my clothes haphazardly, ignoring how they stuck to my wet skin and underwear.

Finn was right behind me, putting his own clothes on. I walked ahead and got out of the house, down the driveway and past the line of sport cars until I got to his bike. I swiped furiously on the screen of my phone, nervous fingers ice cold and unfeeling, in an effort to avoid conversing with him.

Finn got on the bike without a word and avoiding eye contact, I sat behind him, wrapping my hands around his body. Now he couldn't see my face, my resolve softened and I held tight, leaning my head against his back. I hated that I loved the feeling that he gave me. In just one night he'd dug into the shell I hid myself in and yanked me out without a warning. I couldn't handle that.

The ride back to his house was silent. Even as we got off, no words were uttered. His expression was cold and uninviting, like it had been the days after I met him and I found myself missing the person he'd been earlier at the pool.

My car was parked in one of the spaces, accident damages fixed. He handed me my keys and his hand made brief contact with mine in the process. I wanted to say something, but what? This was exactly what I wanted, wasn't it?

I slipped the keys into the ignition and brought the car to life, driving out of the parking lot without looking back.

*