Forget-Me-Not (A Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

(31) All Or Nothing

For the rest of the visit, nothing much was said apart from goodbyes. Nina felt as if it were so wrong, it was right. Tom felt exactly the same way. What had come over him? He knew full well she had a boyfriend. He knew full well that he had to put away his feelings and stay professional. He knew full well that his feelings probably weren't even mutual.

He paced up and down his room silently after Nina had left, his hands behind his back, his eyes trained pretty much on his feet. Their friendship had probably just been ruined by that one stupid action. Tom had let himself get carried away and he knew it.

He kicked the nearest object in frustration, which just so happened to be a metal bin on the floor. It didn't budge and Tom's toes cracked as they collided with it, leaving him to swear loudly like a sailor, letting his sheer annoyance get the better of him as he hopped across the room to the sofa where he and Nina had originally been sat before. Curse that bin. Curse his emotions. Curse everything.

Maybe he should apologise on set tomorrow? No, she probably wouldn't want to talk to him. Text her? He still didn't have her number. Mental note; ask for it very soon. Knock on her door in the morning? Sounded like a plan. But somehow, he felt as nothing would be the same again.

It was an all or nothing situation- if she didn't forgive him, then there went one of his friends that he'd worked so hard on making. Yes, Tom knew he was a bit touchy-feely sometimes but that...the kiss...

Tom sighed softly, remembering the feel of her lips on his, the faint taste of wine staining their kiss. He knew he couldn't let himself have any more thoughts like this. He needed to get less attached to his fantasies and less attached to someone who would probably never love him back.

He needed to immerse himself in his job. Plunge himself in at the deep end, and drown out his thoughts of a relationship that would never happen. Then, and only then, would he be able to try and reconcile with Nina. If she was even interested.

A sharp knock on the door brought him sharply out of his thoughts. He looked at the clock; it was just past nine. Probably Ben going out for a late drink. Frankly, he needed one himself. Tom answered the door, a friendly smile plastered across his face. Benedict saw his weary posture and the frustration in his eyes, but smartly elected to ignore it.

"You need a drink." Ben said, looking at the slightly younger man who looked defeated, in a sense. They both knew it wasn't a question. "What's the matter, Tom?"

"Nothing." Tom shook his head, sighing. "Give me a second to freshen up and I'll be right there."

*****

Drowning his thoughts in alcohol wasn't originally how Tom planned to focus but it seemed to be a logical, yet temporary solution. The hangover was a painful price to pay but hell, Ben knew how to cheer him up.

After a few pints each they staggered somewhat gracefully back up to their rooms. Tom couldn't help but steal a longing glance at Nina's door. Thankfully, he was currently more of a sleepy drunk than a stupid drunk, and so after seeing Benedict in, he let himself into his own accommodation, remembered to lock the door and he simply passed out across his bed, only managing to strip his jacket, shoes and trousers before he did so.

The next morning, he went for the early morning sunglasses look. Tom subconsciously was avoiding Nina, only making awkward eye contact with Annie, who was sitting with Nina on the other side of the room. When Nina wasn't looking, Annie beckoned for Tom to come over but Tom shook his head, concentrating on his full English breakfast. Today Tom didn't feel like Tom. He felt like a deflated balloon.

A deflated, rejected balloon.

He wanted Nina to come and sit with him. He wanted to hear her say Tommy boy in that sweet little voice of hers. Tom miserably stirred his tea over and over again, watching the brown liquid as it splashed around. Was he in love with her? Tom had no idea. Right now, sleep sounded pretty good to his frazzled brain.

*****

On set, you could have cut the awkwardness with a knife. Actually, Tom thought, reading over his script, make that a blunt spoon. Nina didn't say one word to him, not even when she was doing his makeup. Instead she stuck mostly with Annie, and Tom wondered how much of the story that Annie knew, if she knew any of it, that was.

Every time they looked his way, he pretended to be fully immersed in his script whereas in reality, he couldn't take his mind off of Nina. For a twenty-nine year old man, he was acting like a bit of a lovestruck teenage boy who couldn't pluck up the courage to talk to the girl he liked, instead just watching her from afar.

He watched as she picked up her phone, excusing herself from her and Annie's conversation. Tom tensed up as her facial expression changed, and she looked up and across at him. He didn't flinch this time, just held her gaze, his teeth gritted together slightly. Before he knew it she was running over to him and thrusting her phone at his chest.

"It's Molly." She said breathlessly, her eyes wide.

Tom hesitated for a moment but he saw panic in Nina's eyes, and accepted the phone. "Hello?"

"Tom...oh my goodness." Molly took a deep breath to compose herself and then she spoke again. "I was looking at pictures of you on the internet...you know, like us fans do...and I saw one...it was one of...you won't believe it, it was..."

"Please do get to the point." Tom asked as politely as he could currently muster.

"There's pictures online of you. With Nina, jogging. And of you...carrying her. The small-time paps are going crazy. If these pictures get any further, we might have a small media explosion on our hands..." Molly said in a rush.

Tom was taken aback for a moment before seemingly regaining his ability to form words. "Thank you, Molly. I'll get my publicist to check them out."

"Ok! Bye, got a train to catch!" And with that she was gone as suddenly as she had appeared. Nina stared at Tom, still wide eyed and looking panicked.

"What on earth are we going to do?" Nina said quietly, and Tom knew she wasn't just talking about the photos.

[A/N] i wanted a chapter focusing more on tom's feelings, even if it is more of a filler, so here you go! drop a vote if you enjoyed and i might do some more chapters like this?
yours truly :) x