Sacrifices

Not Ready

(Carla's POV)

                            As the night went on we started getting ready to call it a night after taking Cleo home in Scarlett's car we began to take Sebastian to the airport when his phone started to blow up with messages from the airport putting out an alert."My flight was canceled a terrible wind and hail storm is going on in Arsuk going all the way to Greenland."He said with a slight frown."That sucks did they tell you when they think it'll end so you can get a new ticket."I said upset that there might be a chance that he'll have to come to the manor with the four of us."Yeah, it says it'll most likely be off and on for at least 2-3 days their not fully sure and drivings worse."Suddenly a panic feeling hit me I'd be stuck with HIM for at least 2-3 days."That's 3 days too long, I think it would be best if you just stay at a hotel or stay with Scarlett and Alex I don't think I'd be able to last that long with you of all people."I said bitterly while walking around the corner connected to the wall by the door leading to the living room, heading to the couch.

                  As the night went on Sebastian tried to find different hotels to stay at but most were booked or the "stars were too LOW" for him which irritated me more than anything. And in the end, he had to stay with us here, but then again it was his house once before he signed off his rights off just like he did with Clotilda poor thing. "Fine you can stay here until the fights back on, you'll be happy to know that no one touched your room it has only been cleaned once since you left." He gave me an appreciated smile as Clotilda looked almost confused, she didn't understand me and Sebastian's relationship because there was nothing. The only reason I even saw him today is because of Clotilda I almost felt bad like I was failing her for not being able to get over this, but when I think about it I'm trying to make her happy not fix whatever messed up relationship I and Sebastian has or had.

             Finally, 1:00 a.m rolled around Maud and Clotilda were passed out in the living room with Sebastian sitting next to them. I got up from the table feeling mentally and physically tired I looked to where my liquor was held "It has been a while."I thought maybe I could get some things off my mind it's been some time since I've had alone time and now is as good as any. As I sat at the table a large bottle of straight Vodka was held in my hand with a large wine glass in the other."If I'm going to get drunk might as well do it in style."I said softly, as I took my first big gulp out of the wine glass.  

                                           I heard the sound of footsteps making their way to the kitchen. As I looked up Sebastian looked at me with a silent look that only held guilt in it, I looked at him but in seconds I turned away with a scowl on my face."So you and Cleo are still close I see, she even works with you now hmm I thought you were going to keep your distance from her after your little mistake."I turned to him with disgust and anger that he would bring that up in my house."Well, I'm surprised that you want anything to do with Clotilda with how Maud and I went."I said in a voice that was no less than taunting with a mix of irritation as I stared at him. He suddenly looked as if realized what he had just said looking away awkwardly."I'm sorry I know it doesn't mean much to you but I was a horrible father to you I failed to protect you, I hurt you more than I know I can't take back what I did I wish I could even if it was just a few seconds. So please I just want to talk about some of the things that went unsaid so that you can find some closure with what happened and maybe so I can understand how much I've hurt you please."I turned my back to him ANGER could not describe what I felt, all I saw was red when I stared at him."You don't get to just choose when you want to hear what I have to say you didn't care to try to about how I feel after You put me through hell for 10 years you showed no sympathy for years you didn't care then so stop caring now. And let me guess you only care now because you want to make amends for Clotilda's sake.                                                                                                                                                          But I already have and you should be lucky that the second you sighed over those papers I didn't cut full contact with you as I should've but you're trying to change for her so I'll let it go for her. Not you Not for me or anyone else got that."I said as I glared at him, he looked at me then turned quickly away he looked as if he wanted to ask me something."So you started wearing contacts I see?"He said almost as if he was asking and not just confirming a fact he already knew."Yes, I couldn't stand to keep looking in the mirror to see you looking back, but it's useless since I've had to look at a mini you for the last 8 years basically, I don't know how long I've lasted this long I can't even look in the mirror in the morning without feeling disgusted sometimes. But it's not her fault for having you and Katharina look, she is a sweetheart you're lucky she got through to me I was hesitant of you even seeing her after you gave up custody to me Katharina is the only one who should be allowed to see her."I said as I glared at him with the glass still in my hand taking a large chug out of it, as I look back at him I could see he looked as if he was waiting to ask me something but before I could ask why he was staring at me I heard the sound of light footsteps. Knowing full well who it was I quickly poured the rest of my glass back into the bottle putting the cork back on and hiding it under the table cloth next to my leg to hide it."Don't need her seeing this."                                                                                                                                                                              I looked back up acting casually as Clotilda walked in lightly rubbing her eyes, she looked so adorable no different from when she was 5 years old. 'How cute.' I thought as she looked at me and Sebastian almost surprise that we seemed to be talking to one and another, but she soon relaxed and turned to me."Maud just went to bed are you both going to because I wanted to know if you'd finish that anime we were watching last night before Annabelle?"She gave a soft yawn and stretched silently turning to Sebastian who was making his way quietly out of the kitchen almost as if she didn't stare right at him for like 15 seconds."Dad, where are you going, don't you want to join us on the couch, there's space on the couch now Maud went to her room already, so you can join us please."She said sounding like a begging child asking for a toy or snack even though they already have both, but she didn't seem to care.'Maybe Maud was right I did spoil her a bit too much when she was younger.' Sebastian looked at me as if he was asking me for permission to join us on the couch."It won't make much sense at first but I'll help you catch up, you're probably too old to understand on your own."I said with a smirk as Sebastian look almost amused himself by my "insult" as we headed to the living room Chotilda looked almost happy to see us looking like we had somewhat of a normal relationship.If only she knew we were faking it I was practically stopping myself from telling him to piss off, I didn't know how she'd take that though things probably seemed to be going swimmingly to her in reality this was worse than roadkill falling on your car at this pace I still couldn't get comfortable even after Chotilda sat between us leaning on me.

                                            By the end of the movie, she was using me as a pillow holding on tightly and wining when I'd try to move her but I didn't mind she just looked so cute, so loving and so annoyingly obliviously to everything around her. Maybe if I had a normal childhood I could've been like her, so I guess that's just another reason to protect her so she can stay oblivious like now forever safe. As I got up from the couch picking her up like if she were a child Sebastian looked surprised maybe because I was giving her special treatment how could I not when she looked that so soft and fragile. "You can go to bed now she's asleep there's no reason for you to stay up."After my words left my mouth almost as cold as when I had first talked to him, but they were lighter this time not by a lot but different, which I could tell he knew."I wanted to talk to you if you don't mind I'd like to help you find closure if that's what you need for us to have a stable relationship for Chotilda's sake. I know you hate me even despise maybe but you and I  both know as Chotildas gets older we are going to have to see each other more so please I'm not asking to try and prove myself or to redeem myself in your eyes I know that's impossible but please." Fine but only this once after that I won't care about any of you half-ass reasons."I said as I turned to leave the small girl still holding tightly to me like a baby holding its parent close to them almost fearing they'd let go or drop them.                                                                    I tucked her in resisting the urge to give her a little kiss on the head like I used to yeah having her here was a good idea she made me soft. I thought before heading to face Sebastian again.