Sacrifices

All on the TABLE

                           (Carla POV)

                                                     It wasn't until mourning when I came to realized that I didn't have those terrible nightmares like I usually do maybe talking to Sebastian helped them but I know better than anyone that they'd be back soon but this was nice not talking to him but the dreams. I had it was if I was seeing what my life could have been like if I was normal but just my memories like they were changing. It felt strange and I remember a woman I didn't know sitting with me she was talking to me as I looked at my memories morphing and changing for me. Maud, Clotilda, and Miss Charlotte, I felt as if the woman standing next to me was almost burning with rage she turned towards me with a smile one almost like a copy of the one I once gave Maud as I lied to her face about my situation regarding Sebastion and how I felt about him seeing Clotilda for lunch, Birthday dinners or just going out shopping. I didn't trust putting my guard down around him even now I can't trust a word he says fake praise and false promises to get his way I've seen how he can be and I know more than anyone that he can't be trusted with her. It will always be my job to protect her even if I have to fight him to be there for her I will make sure she's happy loved and safe with me.

                       As the day went on Sebastian left to go to a meeting across town he thought since he was here he might as well make himself useful and take some work off my plate and go I could spend the day with Clotilda he said she seemed to be acting "OFF". So I decided to wait till after breakfast to see if she actually had something going on I didn't want to seem paranoid just because he's here I can't let him see I'm bothered or worried about what he said I know when somethings wrong and I'm not going to let him make me look incompetent to the people I care about. I am ready for anything the worse thing it could be is THAT talk I practically shivered as past thoughts and memories from class ED came back as I thought of the different ways I'd have to get out of this. Maud left with dad so we could talk and have the day together we've hung out a lot but as she got older not as much so maybe they(Maud, Scarlett, Alex talked about giving them time to talk) think I need this. As I waited at the kitchen table that once held 5 others now almost looking deserted like no one had touched it all mourning for that matter.

                               Soon Clotilda came down the stairs knowing I was expecting her, she looked as I thought she would something perfect for a nice mellow but hot spring day. she was wearing a beautiful in her sundress that had flowers of all kinds spread in the design from her hip going to the part that met with her knees a mix of color that faded beautifully. The dress could only be described in my own words as perfect I still don't know how some people are able to find or make clothes that reflect them as she does."So I wanted to talk but we go for a hike or something to help the tension please." I gave her a soft smile and walked to start packing things to take with us, she gave me a confused look then understood what I was doing and came to help to get drinks, snacks, and a hand umbrella. My skin is naturally pale but Clotilda is on another level she burns up and turns to a crisp in seconds from just being in the garden and most of it has a nice shade over it so I don't know how she could get a sunburn. I've learned to not listen to the 'I'll get used to it. Just give it time. I don't need an umbrella.' Which I knew was coming when she gave me that look but I handed it to her with no room for if or buts for the young girl who now held a pout as she turned to the living room going to the backdoor so she could enter the small path connected to the garden. A mini picnic basket in hand we left out the backdoor the sun greeting us as we walked in a warm welcoming silence when I turned to ask about what she wanted from the basket, but it looked as if she was holding something back like she was seconds from spilling.

                        Before I could stop myself I grabbed her shoulder in a panic my entire body felt like it was running on adrenalin I was seeing red I need to make sure she was okay I have to be here to keep her safe. She looked at me as if she was about to cry like she wanted to tell me something that she shouldn't know like she couldn't take it anymore."What happened did Sebastian do something to you. You know you can tell me anything right."I said almost to reassure myself as the look on her once bright face was full of guilt, regret she looked shocked up and almost sick."I did something bad really bad I know I wasn't supposed to I should of mind my business but please forgive me."What was she talking about I'd never seen her so serious before, and she had never apologized for snooping only when she has gotten caught then the guilt sinks in so if she feels so bad that she is giving herself away this is bad. Maybe she went through my room and Maud found her looking at things hidden in my room and she knows that Maud will tell me.                                     "Everything's going to be okay look at me, you've done nothing wrong tell me please."I said pulling her into a tight hug rubbing her shoulders with a soft touch of comfort and care she held on tightly and cried she finally said what had been bothering her."I listened to you and dad last night talking I'm sorry I should've gone back to sleep. Bitte vergib mir, bitti ich wollte, es nicht." She cried in german 'Please forgive me please I didn't mean to.'As she talked it was like my mind was past being blank I was ready to die on the rock I built for myself but right now it was falling apart all at once. How was I going to tell her everything. I can't let her go wandering after learning what she knows, she deserves an answer to the whole truth keeping her in the dark would make me just as bad as him if not worse he doesn't know she knows. The fear I still felt for Sebastian hung over my head what was he going to do after he found out I told her would he take her back to Germany with him seeing that she could still be salvageable and not a lost cause full of hate for him like me. After going back and forth with myself I said screw it, I need to tell her everything I don't care if I come off as resentful even after the promise I made to myself to wait till she was older if he tried anything Scarlett and the others would handle it they'd help me keep her with US. "Clotilda I'm not mad you did nothing wrong, you got curious it's not your fault let's go back to the house and talk the others will be away until dark I'll tell you everything you want to know okay I'm right here. Come on wipe your face I hate to see you cry you know you're an ugly crier."I scooped her off the ground in my arms she grabbed onto me and almost laughed at the sudden movement like a young child playing with their parent."Okay put me down and I'll get you clothes dirty if I get too close."She said pulling away with a messy smile as I put her down, we started walking side by side and I could see her look anxious so I grabbed her hand with a smile that could be described as motherly.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              (First-person to read here RANDY)And will be posting more through the school semester maybe an update or 2 every 2-3 weeks .(Words 1,440)