(Carla's POV)
After getting in more comfortable clothes seeing I still had almost an hour till Sebastian had to see Dr.Abels for our booked time and the drive there was maybe 10-15 minutes at the longest having a road that was a straight shot to the bottom of the mountain. Going outside felt weird surreal, to say the least seeing the same path I walked I walked not even 1hrs ago in my dream thinking if. I turned around I'd see that dark brown almost jet-black hair going with the wind her, olive-green eyes piercing me worried and regretful a feeling that didn't make my skin crawl but made me feel an unknown weight on my chest. After sitting outside for 5 min I was about to head in when I heard."Going in already."I turned to see Polina standing a few feet away, I didn't know how I couldn't hear her walking up to me with all the dead plants aligning the forest floor."Hey so about this morning are you, okay I know people usually aren't after having dreams about their dead Mom or Aunt I don't really know what to say as you can see."She said trying her best not fully crossing the line yet but it was just an inch or 2 away but close."It's fine I'm just being a mess this morning."She looked confused like she disagreed but didn't know how to put it into words for me."You aren't a mess just sad and I think she was right you were rushed out of the country what 2-3 months after her passing, study like hell, didn't reconnect with Nathen and his family till college you were in pain suffering you weren't given a choice in the matter don't downplay your emotions or worth got that. And you know I won't let you live it down around me." She said her smirk growing as one of gratitude grew on mine just before she rushed for a hug, stopping her by grabbing her for arms letting go of one as her hands made contact looking her in the eyes throwing her onto the grown holding her arm in a tight hold as she didn't struggle knowing like this it just get worse."Please don't break my arm or back I just wanted to show you my love for you."She whined like a child one in mind already, just as I thought that I heard a cough seeing Maud and Clotilda standing a few feet away surprised and confused."I didn't know you could do that could you show me later, oh can you try that on me too."Clotilda called excited, Maud looking expectedly and almost disappointed, my face flushed and I let go of Polina turning away fake coughing not wanting Clotilda to see me act violently even for a second."I will not, maybe when your older, and no I will not put you in a restaining hold even for a second come on it's almost time we leave."I said changing the subject and going towards the house as Clotilda tried to protest but went quiet knowing she would get ignored.
Getting off the small off-road and onto the main street as we had a few minutes to stop dropping Maud, Clotilda, Polina, and Catey with her baby Marly walking on her own on a child leash to stop her from running specifically to the street."We'll be back in 1hr-20min have fun." I said handing Clotilda my card as they said their 'I love you's and bye' as we made our way to the Larrsons's mental health clinic. After driving for about 5-10min we parked in the parking lot heading inside he opened one of the double doors for me but I entered through the still closed one. Upon entering we were greeted with Dr.Abels waiting in the open area, she smiled expectedly and waved us over with a calm gesture we walked over giving her a polite hello with a calm smile in return. After getting settled have the bare minimum of small talk in her office, she seemed to want one of us to start the session but when it didn't come she seemed to take the latter on this one."Carla how about we start on something you feel about the relationship as a whole what is one of the things that forced you to realize you were in some kind of abusive relationship. You've talked about how you didn't want to just accept that you were hurt and taken advantage of, for your father's. "selfish wants and pride."And even when realizing that there had to be something that pushed you to accept it for you to leave completely what was happening."She was right there was something I picked up on how he pushed for me to go to the college of his choosing showing how "Amazing" his daughter was getting into a college that needed a GPA of 3.0-4.0 no exceptions and she made it she was his golden meddle in the middle of silver medals that were his colleague's children."I think what the last straw was when I met Maud and Cleo, they did whatever they could to make me comfortable, happy, and loved with no strings attached it was only about me not them and I realized that we were never like that." I said turning to Sebastian as all he could do is stare back."The difference was one of them was conditional and the other was unconditional. Everything I wanted from you had to be proven for that I deserved it, but I didn't need to do that with them I didn't have to be special or do anything to prove I was worth anything just be me just to be there was enough for them. With Madylen and Nathen, it was the same he cared for me even if I wasn't his child, she treated me better than you ever have my whole life for no real reason just to be there that's all."I started to feel sick almost the realization I felt years ago that pushed me to leave came back all at once."I had to prove I could be worth your patience, time, love, even just being noticed by you was more than you could give but I still tried and pushed until I unraveled in a mess of anger for myself no one else just to realize it wasn't my fault. And in the process, I became overly independent to fix something I didn't break, learning to care for myself emotionally and physically because I couldn't trust you to do that, I even had to take care of you when you would come home from donation parties drunk and could walk yourself upstairs, I cooked and cleaned for myself and even you, I was my own parent for so long that I didn't think I needed one until I reconnect with Nathen. And became a parent myself having watched Clotilda grow up with me as sort of a parent figure I realized that's what I need that's what I missed growing up because of you. And I can't do that to the others those two deserve better you would literally down talk Maud to me to make me feel that I didn't need her to make me alone, isolated and without anyone to go to so I would need you but I shouldn't need you I should want you to be in my life and I need that big slap of reality to end my toxic relationship with you. And on the off chance you've changed maybe, I can consider for the better of Clotilda's sake but Maud is grown now and can pick that herself as I can so I won't push. You know it's funny when you said you wanted to meet me again I was hoping you want a relationship again, that you wanted to fix everything but seeing that little girl with her big blue eyes standing next to you. I realized you didn't care you only wanted me to pick up another one of your mistakes. so I did and I'm happy to be there for her I love her more than anything and that won't change even with the resent meant for you that can't change that I have some responsibility to be there and love her. I'm like her seconded parent now I can't just leave her and drop that responsibility for someone else to pick up as you did."Being finished saying things I never thought I'd ever get a chance to feel good I was slowly opening my feeling to myself again I was slowly opening up again Pandora's Box.
After going over more "heartfelt" stuff about what caused me to be so self-dependent I felt more tacked almost more honest and less stuffy full of regret of everything I've ever done. I felt so much closer to finding some peace with my life, confronting Sebastian, and having more closure, having the strength to want to move on not enough to accept Sebastian in my life but for Clotilda. Turning in the direction of the Oak Falls Mall where we abandoned my sisters and the others almost 2 hours ago, going by the large back exit that went straight to the food court as Catey texted me a minute ago. Pulling up to the back doors going over the speed bumps I could see Clotilda holding Marly's hand, Maud Catey, and Polina walking behind then holding shopping bags and talking as well. Fully pulling up I got out and went to help them with the bags taking three bags from them and helping them move the rest to the trunk, Clotilda went in for a big hug, and Marly followed suit right behind her. I felt my face get flushed and I turned to glare at the others as they giggled to themselves, but I turned back and hugged them in return. Driving back was nice it was quiet and the look of the multicolored trees as we passed them going up the curved road car lights going past us on the other side of the road, tree line after tree line passed as I admired it all. Only being 6:30 but having it look to be 7-8 pm made me realize how late in the year it was, Christmas, Clotilda's birthday, and other end-of-the-year celebrations were coming up. Pulling up to the house and walking inside everyone did look a little tired, even I can say I was a little ready to sleep early. Getting inside and seeing Nathen, Scarlett, and Alex cooking dinner was different but a lot of things are changing so I guess I just have to adjust to it, this is a nice change though.
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Sacrifices
FanfictionA 27-year-old German woman named Carla Larrson has to come face to face with her father. Which doesn't sound so bad if you knew what she went through, having to balance her emotions and tragedy from the past, will she find herself through the mess o...
