(Carla's POV)
As Sebastian and I got settled on the couch right after I got the bottle I had been hiding under the table with two glasses in had he looked confused and almost startled by the sudden offer."This isn't just for you I need this if I'm going to talk about anything with you."I said pouring us full glasses as he grabbed him I had already drunk close to half in one go. I looked at him almost waiting to taunt him to make the first move, in a sick way I loved the idea that I was the one to make him walk on eggshells it made it just a bit more worth it in a way. As he awkwardly took a sip of his drink pushing more into the mini sofa that sat right in front of the family-sized one I sat comfortably in, me waiting for to speak he finally cleared his throat there being nothing in it obviously the words finally came out of him."Carla, I failed to raise you, I failed to protect you. I was supposed to be there for you and I couldn't I couldn't even protect you from myself, I'm so sorry could you ever forgive me."I sat there wondering what to say nothing sounded just right or well-fitting enough to help him understand the pain I'm in."Sebastian, you're right you did fail me, you did more than just not protect me but you're the one who hurt me more than anything. You put me through hell in the collective time of what 8 to almost 10 years! I hated myself for so long I felt like I was worthless I was defenseless against you. You treated me like trash like I was nothing I hated everything I was even after I was away from you when I ran away when we were in North Germany I still was haunted by you I hated it whenever people would tell me how much I'm like you, I started wearing contacts to hide the fact that I'm more like you then I could admit. You screwed me up in the head to where I pushed my problems onto others to an unhealthy amount I felt afraid of myself I hurt and lashed out at others to make myself feel better I hurt Scarlett, Cleo, Maud your one of the reasons I almost hurt my sisters some of the only people who have ever cared about me."
I could feel years of bottled-up emotions coming out at once like a damn bursting under pressure."You wanna know the real reason I agreed to take custody of Clotilda because I didn't trust you could care for her, love her as I do, take care of her she is a bright young lady with so many chances and I knew if I walked away from that child I'd regret it. Unlike you, I stepped up and took responsibility for a life I didn't know existed until she was 5, you couldn't even care enough to acknowledge me no matter how many awards I got from track to perfectional fighting classes and I went through hell to get all of those accomplishments and you didn't care you were all I had no mother and apparently no father either. I won't fail that girl as you did me I could just drop all of this and let you take her but I won't let you ever get the chance to lay a finger on her. Do you even know what she wants to do after high school has she told you? " Sebastian looked confused and I knew his only answer to my question could be no."Well, I already know your answer she was scared of telling you. She didn't want to disappoint you. She wants to be an engineer of all kinds. Software, chemical, mechanical..etc..etc. But it makes her happy, her middle school science fair project is the reason she's going to get into Johnson HS-FSAT because I pushed her to do her best at a healthy amount you didn't care about what was best for me just what was most convenient for you but I care about what she wants because you don't. And I know what your thinking but I'm not spiteful enough to tell her what you've done because I'm not going to ruin your relationship with her because we have dirty laundry, she deserves to be happy and I'm not going to get in the way of her happiness because of you. I won't let you get in the way of me keeping her safe and happy she deserves to know the truth so that she can choose if she wants to keep seeing you and even going to Germany with me or Maud going to chaperone as well, of course, but she won't need to know until she's older then I'll be ready to talk about it, this was just so I could get somethings clear. You had me put my life, my dreams, and my freedom on hold for so long from when I even had the responsibility of having choices for myself I can't keep doing that I have already given up my dream career for you and I will make sure Clotilda doesn't do the same I will make sure she lives a normal life away from all of this." I said my words feeling heavy but it did feel a little lighter in my chest so maybe this was somewhat of a good way to get closer to the problem, Nathen was right with his pep talk, he's been reminding me of Madelyn every time we meet it's almost alarming in a good way. To be able to confront him and for him to acknowledge me and what he did make my chest feel lighter almost lifted of some heavyweight. As we talked more I made sure to keep him wondering what I was gonna do next just because he showed you "cared" about Clotilda didn't mean I'd suddenly trust him and give him forgiveness I only felt bad about what I almost did to my mom she did nothing wrong I was just reflecting my anger onto those he cared about."I'm going to bed you, should to its past midnight now."I said getting off the soft sofa that was somehow still somewhat warm from where Clotilda sat not even a full hour from now. Sleeping sounding like the best way to end this night full of unexpected occurrences one after another I don't think I'd be able to handle any more surprises for the next week even.
Soon I'll be READY but I don't mind staying like this for now even if it's just for NOW. Even if it means I have to be in pain a little longer.
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Sacrifices
FanfictionA 27-year-old German woman named Carla Larrson has to come face to face with her father. Which doesn't sound so bad if you knew what she went through, having to balance her emotions and tragedy from the past, will she find herself through the mess o...
