(Carla POV)
After finding the right time to have these interventions, between work and checking up on Katharina with her condition I've only heard about it once or twice, and from my understanding she has PID. Which the long name for it being Primary immunodeficiency diseases so it was hard for her to go outside or go on family outings, traveling is not just off the table but on the floor at this point. She seemed somewhat happy just being alive being with him with us, so how come with my life being so much easier am I so unhappy am I that selfish that I could feel this way even though I'm not strapped to a hospital bed like her. But everyone's situation is different so I can't be mad at myself for being better of but also not at once, I can't be mad or feel alone when I have no reason to but I do but that isn't selfish is it. I feel like my mind is going a million miles per hour everything just feels off like after realizing what I signed up for was suddenly too much, but nothing going to change for the better or worse if I avoided it all I can do is move and change like the tide with the weather and time of day.
After everything was sorted out papers signed our first session paid for and waiting for us, feeling anxious and wanting to back down knowing who I had hired, It was a short beautiful dark hair Filipino woman who was named Amihan, my full-time therapist and my always call on duty GP for anything that has to do with my mental health. I've known her for 17 years she worked with Madelyn for a few years and was on call when Madelyn couldn't, she also gave me my medications when going in and out of the hospital. And she was one of a few that knew about what was going at the time, knowing that she despised Sebastian with a burning passion almost as much as I did. I knew one of the reasons was she tried to have kids with her husband for almost 4 years to find out she couldn't, she said it became too much false happiness, 3 miscarriages when things seemed hopeful until the end, and her husband leaving her last-minute no reason just that she and everything were too much. She is the sweetest thing but doesn't know how to stop herself when helping someone no matter how much work it is. Lately, I've been hearing that she and Mr.Johnson have been going out once or twice a month I find it sweet that she's happy again, Mr.Johnson is a kind man who loves kids and worked with her a few years before her and Madelyn.
We got everything ready for Sebastian to come over and we decided that he should stay in a hotel instead of coming to the house, having that separation before the session could help my nerves. I finally got the courage to see Sebastian before going with Maud and Clotilda to our counseling session with Ms.Abel, the day went on Sebastian arrived and we were off to lunch before we all had to meet up. Sitting down to talk and have lunch was awkward on another level but at least I wasn't staring him down this time."Hey, I wanted to tell Clotilda and Maud about you know your condition to help her understand everything, it doesn't justify what you did but it does help them understand that you weren't really in the mental state to be responsible for some of the things you did." He looked surprised that I knew and all I could do was stare at him and say."I found out a while back when I was packing up to move, and to some degree, I couldn't bring myself to blame you for everything you were kind of a victim to yourself in some way." I said sympathy in my voice I didn't know if he had to go through similar things to me like having thoughts to want to hurt himself or others. So how can I say anything about his mental state at the time now that I think more and more about this he's like the complete opposite of who he was years ago.
He looked taken aback by what I was saying but I was even more surprised by him."No don't justify what I did yeah I was off my meds during some of those incidents but I still hurt you and I'm the one making things compacted not you. You just want to make sure Clotilda and Maud are happy and have a somewhat normal childhood, all you wanted was happiness, and me being in your guy's life prevents that more than I wanna except I'm getting in the way of you being happy." He said a look that was a mix of guilt, regret, shame, and almost pain hiding in his fading voice. The front door opened and their faces peeked in the room confusing and knowing at the same written on their faces as they came to see if we were up to going."You know if nows is not a good time we can go wait in the car, I'm sure whoever you hired won't mind waiting right."I got up smiling at them and walked over to the door."It's fine let's go." I said heading out the door to see Scarlett waiting, Alex is nowhere to be seen confused since he's always with her which it's rare to see them apart from one another."Hey." I said almost convincing myself I was ready to do this, but it was hard to even when knowing Mr.Abel for so long. I conversed myself you fine move on from this don't crack keep going, failing and falling apart in front of anyone is what he wanted your pride and self-worth can only grow so much so show everyone you are better than the either it's Cleo, Catey, even Nathen show then you're fine you don't need them you have me US. The voice would ring day in and day out so that's what I did I put myself over almost everyone in my life looking down on Cleo for thinking I cared about her we were friends sure all of these things built over time and a wall with it. But after I hurt Cleo for the last time I realized I was stopping myself from recovering so I went back to therapy and got to know Maud as my sister, someone I could talk to trust, and that helped me pick up on her mood swing then it led to more extreme things that made me realize she had Bi-polar disorder."Hey do this for you, not just everyone around you ok, I know you can't function being alone but you can't be around others. So don't force it to go with the flow be truthful to yourself not just them. I know he screwed with your head and that might be one of the reasons you are so welcoming and almost remorseful you want to help others even if it's him. And thanks for not telling me I would've gone off and probably killed him without a second thought of pity so thank you."
I smiled knowing it wasn't just me who wanted a shot or two at him the thought it was almost everyone that felt like made me almost feel justified he kind of did make it seem it was for my benefit. I needed this, this was to make me ready one day, to make me stronger for when it was too much. That failure wasn't an option even if it was all I could do I had to force myself to keep going through Pain, Suffering, and Sacrifice. It was who I was for so long, I was stuck like that for years that it was who I was at a point putting my relationships, health, and self-worth on the line to show him, to prove him wrong for myself pride. I need to realize that on my own for so long that having them say I'm here don't run stay we can help let us fix this together. That feeling of acceptance and love, the hope of fixing this was so much more than I could have hoped. That advice was so much more than I could have hoped for but it's right here, I needed this it helped clear up so much for me mentally and emotionally. I attached myself to him to a point it was hard to let go, thought afterthoughts that haunted me, broke me down and made me want to go back, years of Miss Treatment and Mind Games, Manipulation to get me to stay overlook everything I knew was wrong cause we're family I need him, it's all for me, in the end, why would he go through so much trouble to hurt me, why would he put everything on the line to do these things. Why didn't I see the perfect light and helo everyone else saw when they looked at him.
I hope family therapy goes well.
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Sacrifices
FanfictionA 27-year-old German woman named Carla Larrson has to come face to face with her father. Which doesn't sound so bad if you knew what she went through, having to balance her emotions and tragedy from the past, will she find herself through the mess o...
