Royal Mistake || BxB || Complete.

Chapter Forty-seven

Alexander's POV:

I sat on the porch steps, the breeze cooled my skin and my nerves, I knew he'd be here any second, and he would be making that face, the face I couldn't say no to and the face I forgave no matter what, it pissed me off just how much my heart had gone soft for him, within minutes of my not so peaceful quietness, the dark blue convertible I'd grown familiar to stopped in front of the house and emerged from it was a slumped over figure with a strained expression. 

He walked towards me and I fought back the smile that popped up every time I saw him, he eventually settled beside me, my eyes went to him and his had the same idea, 'you look tired', I raised an eyebrow, 'not a very nice thing to say to your pissed boyfriend', he rolled his eyes playfully, 'did you even sleep, Alex?', I sighed, 'of course not, you?', 'not a wink', 'did you stay out all night?', 'my parents have a place here, doorman recognized me and let me in'. 

I was quiet for a few moments, unsure of how to express what I wanted to say, 'I think I should live there', he relieved me of the task of breaking the silence but he spoke words that made my heart drop to my stomach, 'you want to move out on your own?', 'I just think it's not good for you that I'm around all the time', I scoffed, 'we both know that's bullshit Charles, do you know why I didn't sleep last night?', 'because we weren't together?', 'exactly, the thought of being without you is just scary, it's like if I don't hear your breathing and get strangled by your tree legs then I can't get a minute of sleep', 'I can't sleep without you either'. 

I huffed, 'then what's up with all the moving out talk?', he bit his lip and looked away, seemingly searching for an answer to appear around him, 'I have issues Alex, jealousy issues, anger issues, the list doesn't stop, I need to work on them on my own', I gulped, 'and what's the point of being in a relationship if we're gonna do this kind of stuff alone?', 'I'm worried about you, I worry about you all the time', 'from you?', 'yes and everything else in this world', I sighed, 'am I really that weak and naïve to you?', 'that's not what I meant', 'then what did you mean Charles?'. 

'I'm worried you made the wrong choice, I'm a very average and insecure person, I know I could never compare to someone like Elijah, he's built a whole successful ass life, he's athletic, he's kind and attractive and he wants to date you so I'm just always wondering why you chose me not him, or literally anyone else that was interested in you?', my jaw clenched, sometimes the will and patience I had were tested by this boy but I knew that his words came from a place of fear and insecurity and no matter how much I wish I could just erase those, I also knew it didn't work that way. 

'I chose you because I am insanely in love with you', he sighed, 'so loving me is holding you back from loving someone else?', okay, maybe I was going to punch this boy so his head gets screwed on right, 'no, you asshole, from the very first moment I saw you, there has not been a single person that mattered, I could be looking at anyone else in this world, but to me you're the most attractive person in the world, you're the kindest, you're the funniest, you're the only one that makes my heart beat so loud that I feel like I could explode, I want to spend my whole fucking life with you, every single moment I can at least, and I will remind you of that every time you want me to, I swear to you Calder, you're my soul mate, I wouldn't even let myself lose you'. 

He smiled but scarily, tears began to also stream from his eyes, he looked down and the wood began staining with his tears as well, I leaned in and pulled him against my chest, he instantly wrapped his arms around my stomach, 'it's just crazy t-to think that y-you can be anywhere in this world b-but you're here with me', his words barely came out in between the soft gasps and sobs, I kissed the top of his head, 'it's not a choice, you've had every part of me falling over for you since day one', he looked up, his red eyes and tear stained face made my chest hurt but I smiled anyways. 

'I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much I could die, and I'm insecure and I have issues and I'm probably not the perfect person you deserve but I want to be better, for me first then for you and this relationship because you mean everything to me', I kissed him again, this time on his cheek, 'and I'm here for you, we get through this stuff together, always remember that Calder', he nodded and let a small smile creep to his face, 'you know sometimes I think how the world is awfully cruel to people like you and I and it hurts so much, but when I talk to you, or look at you, the pain and anger and hatred this world projects on us doesn't matter anymore'. 

I sighed, 'this world always loses its mind over difference, over stepping out of their tiny little box of ideas and thoughts about the normal and the abnormal, what they fail to realize is that we are all scared of being different, but at the same time no two people are exactly alike, so we take comfort in those who make us feel loved despite being foreign to our own minds and bodies, for some people that's a lover, for some people that is a friend, for some it's family, some are even lucky for it to be themselves, I will never understand the feeling of being so spiteful that you dislike anyone else finding that comfort and love but I just want you to know that I've managed to make peace with who I am, and I know that all the people that matter to me have too, I'm not saying it's easy but I am ready to face this world with you no matter what bullshit it spews our way'. 

The look on his face was almost unreadable, his now slightly less puffed eyes looked to be full of admiration, and his lips were in a proud kind of smile, he seemed so genuinely happy that I began to question if he had been crying at all, 'Alexander I will go through anything this life puts in our way for you too, I want to learn from you, because you are brave, you're strong, and you are so inspiring and good with words, I wish the whole world could see your beautiful thoughts and believe them', I blushed lightly and turned away. 

'I just wanted you to know that, the rest of the world can eat shit', he chuckled, 'THE REST OF THE WORLD CAN EAT SHIT, ALEXANDER AND I ARE IN LOVE FUCKERS', my face flushed red for a whole different reason as I pulled him against me to shut him up, 'this is a residential neighborhood Calder', he smirked, 'and now the residents know that this dumbass is in love with you... and that they can eat shit', I smiled, 'you're insane sometimes', 'but as always you love me for it?', I rolled my eyes, 'it was never much of a choice or a challenge'. 

He pulled me into a kiss and I melted away, the rain began to patter and thankfully it carried a cooling wind to put me back together just enough, he pulled away just enough and grinned almost mischievously, 'I've always wanted to kiss you under the rain', my eyes widened, 'don't you dare Calder', swiftly and with no effort I was carried by my waist and almost instantly drenched in water, 'we'll get sick', he gave me a look that said "do you really care?", and I didn't, so we kissed again, this time he twirled me around and I fought back a giggle, I wish he knew how unreal and perfect he was to me, I truly would spend every breath I have making sure he would believe that someday.