𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘤. [𝘢 𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘪 𝘢𝘶]

Twenty Three

cw: alright yall. the time has come. there will be lime in this chapter. notice how i said lime. it will not be detailed so dont get pissed off when you get robbed. kapeesh? great. enjoy the chapter horndogs

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"That was a long day," I sigh as we enter back in the house after a full evening of investigation.

"I know, but we found out so much useful stuff!" Ricky replies, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack.

"Yeah. And I found out everything my sister was keeping from me."

"Don't say it like that. I bet there's stuff you never told your mom or any of your friends. Just because she didn't tell you this stuff doesn't mean she loved you any less."

"It still doesn't feel good!"

He smirks, "You know what could make you feel good.."

I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to suppress my laugh. "You're disgusting."

"It made you smile."

"Lies!"

"Nope."

"That is preposterous!"

"Really?"

"Mhm!"

"Then what're you doing right now?"

I didn't even realize I was smiling until he pointed it out.

"I am," I pause, trying to think of something to say.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Oh, shut up."

He smirks once again, "Make me, baby."

I roll my eyes, "You have the maturity level of a six year old."

"Maybe, but I don't have the size of a si-"

"Richard!"

He smiles, looking into my eyes. I don't think I'll ever get enough of the safe presence of his eyes.

Standing here, looking into his eyes, I think I just realized something.

The safe feeling. The butterflies I get whenever I'm with him. The way he makes me smile. The way he makes me laugh like no other. The way he never hesitates to protect me. The way he makes me feel wanted.

The way I love being around him.

The way I love.. him.

I can't run from this any longer. There's no denying what's right in front of me.

Feelings.

I had feelings for Ricky Bowen.

"Neen, are you okay?" He asks as I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

I didn't even realize my eyes were watering. All I realized in that moment is how badly I want to be with him.

"I'm okay, Ricky." I tell him through the sound of my voice breaking, "They're happy tears."

"Well-" He begins, but I interrupt him. I need to get this off my chest, I don't give a shit if he feels the same way or not. He's been so good to me these past few months. He deserves to know how I feel about him.

"Ricky, nobody's ever looked at me the way you look at me. I've never wanted anybody more then I want you. I want to be with you all the time. I want to be able to brag to everybody about you. I want to show my friends pictures of you and say that you are the most important human being in my life. I don't know why it took me so long to realize this. I should've known ever since you let me live with you when I was at my lowest point that there was nobody else for me. You make me light up with pure joy and happiness. When I look at you, all I see is an angel. An angel that was sent to me. You're my angel. My life was complete shit without you. I know I'm not at all worthy of your time or comfort. I pushed you away. I was terrible to you when you were nothing but loving and caring towards me. I'm only eighteen, I don't know much, but I do know that I want to spend my life with you. I want this safe feeling whenever I'm with you to continue. I want to be with you, laugh with you, cuddle with you and cry with you. I know I don't have the greatest reputation. I get it. I sleep around, I cheated on my ex multiple times. But that was because I didn't know what it felt like to be truly cared about back then. I needed to find someone who could give me the kindness and comfort I deserve, and that just wasn't Ej. And here you are. God, I don't even know if this makes sense. None of this makes sense. It doesn't even make sense to me but I can't run away from my feelings any longer. Standing here, right now, in the middle of your house, I'm telling you that I love you. I know that's a big word, but I do, Ricky. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I'm sorry it took me so long to actually figure it out."