Tokyo Revengers || Craving I

⚠️🔞༒ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 67༒🔞⚠️

//TW:// MENTAL ISSUES/ self harm 🔞⚠️//

A sigh escaped your lips as you sat at the kitchen table in Sanzus apartment, a cup of tea in your hands as your thoughts drifted to the past weeks and months.

Your dark circles visible as the light, that shone so bright in your eyes before, slowly dimmed down. You don't remember when you had a decent goodnight sleep anymore since being here. Not even when fucked out of your mind you had a decent sleep. 

It was restless. 

Every night was restless. 

You knew you were gonna get disposed off soon, as all they really wanted was your body and the entertainment you brought, not the trouble you seem to cause wherever you go. 

Also the light that used to shine in your eyes before.. The light that was so intriguing to them, with the mischievous childish glim in them.. was slowly disappearing, more and more. You used to have bright eyes, despite whatever situation you used to face. 

But now? 

Now you were slowly reaching the edge of your own downfall. 

The end.

 Your end!

Whenever a day passed, your thoughts always drifted to the possibilities of death and survival. You were always on a 50/50 scale. Not sure if you would survive or not but this time you were certain. 

Certain that you wouldn't make it out alive again. 

Your mind wavering. The stableness that you had achieved over the years, crumbling right before your eyes. Seeping through your fingers as you desperately tried to clutch onto the little hope and stability you had. Not wanting to go back to that place. Not wanting to see yourself in the mirror again with the same blood stained splatters on your shirt, you had once before. Trying to tell yourself over and over that it wasn't your fault. Yet you knew that you were also responsible for the state you got yourself in. Be it physically or mentally. 

If you would manage to make it out alive once more.. you would promise to live a better life. You would try to make everything better and make better decisions.. yes.. 

If you would manage to make it out alive once more..

Your gut twisted. They would get bored of you soon. And you knew that it was wrong. Oh, how fucked up it was. Deep down you knew that one day the day would come where you would be disregarded like a broken doll. But why? Why did it hurt to think about it. Why did it sting so bad when you should hope for survival? When you should hope that you would make it out in one piece. Hopping that they would let you live and move on. 

Though no matter how you thought about it. You got depressed at the thought.

And it made you wonder, when did you got like that? When did they manage to crawl underneath your skin? When did they carve their names across your skin, marking you as theirs? And when did you start to enjoy it?

The answer was cruel yet very simple. You got attached. A little too much for your own good. You got so attached that you didn't even talk to Nami or Nat anymore. Not that you talked with name a lot anyway. You had called her once in this entire time. Nat was probably worried sick. Your absence making him probably loose it as he didn't know if you were still alive or not. 

You wish you could've brought yourself to call them, a bad feeling in your gut yet too ashamed and too depressed to talk to them. 

Your energy completely drained as you kept staring at the empty cup in your hands.