Tokyo Revengers || Craving I

༒ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 119༒

"I'm glad you're awake!", Kazuya said as his hand inched towards yours but stopped as soon as you took yours away. Crossing your arms, refusing to look at him. "You're mad.. I understand.. but..", "you killed Nat.. killed my best friend.. I don't know what the fuck you did to Bonten.. but mad is an understatement..", you snapped. 

You heard him sigh, seeing his head fall to the front as he had his hands clasped together, his elbows leaning on his knees, "I did this for you.. for us", "you're a fucking psychopath..", his head snapped up, "don't say that.. I love you-", "psycho", you barked back, locking eyes with him. 

He gulped, his gaze averting downwards as silence fell upon you two. 

"I still don't understand why you care about Bonten..", he mumbled when you snapped back once more, "they for once, didn't kill my friends! Fuck you mean?! As I said, I don't even know what you did to them-", "They're fine and Alive and didn't even come to look for you!", he suddenly snapped. 

"What?!-"

"I was the one that found you on the fucking floor, bleeding out! I brought you here. Bonten was nowhere in fucking sight!" 

You shook your head as you stared at him with wide eyes, "you're lying..", you softly said, your eyes stinging, "you have them somewhere tied up, don't you?!" 

But he only shook his head, disappointment twisting his face as you gulped at the realization.. 

"When I arrived they were already gone.. I guess they thought you were dead, leaving you there to fucking rot", he scoffed, anger visibly showing in his eyes as he looked away. His jaw clenching. 

You looked down at your fingers, fidgeting with them. A sense of disappointment and sadness settling in your system. But could you blame them? As Kazuya had said, they thought you died. Of course they would leave you there to escape alive. At this point you were just excess baggage.

Sighing you threw your head back against the pillow, looking up at the celling. 

"I love you-", "Kazuya stop!", you softly said, making the man beside you shut his mouth. Another moment of silence passing between you two when you sighed once more, your eyes never leaving the white ceilings. 

"You know.. I thought when I would see you again.. I would have my gun pointed at you..", "what do you mean?", "The first time I heard that Nat died by your order.. I was so.. sad.. and hurt by your actions.. cause I thought you cared for me that you would never hurt me like this"

"But I do care for you!", "no you don't.. people who care for you don't do that..", you simply said making Kazuya freeze.. 

"I.. I c-care-", "the second time I heard that you ordered to kill Nat, I heard that you killed my best friend as well.. at this point I felt pure rage.. something I haven't felt in a while.. for the first time in forever I felt the urge to kill...", he looked at you, his breathing getting heavier and heavier as a flash of hurt crossed his eyes. 

"I wanted to kill you for revenge..", you confessed to him without missing a heartbeat. 

"I was.. craving... the need for revenge.. yet.. as you sit next to me.. I figured that this would be.. stupid", turning towards him your eyes found his. 

"Kazuya.. remember how my mom told me to never dislike or hate someone?", he hesitantly nodded his head, "she used to always say.. 'even if you don't like someone, you have to accept them as they are because they're just like you, just human'.. I always took those words by heart, you know... Even if I had a certain dislike for some people I just... accepted them for who they are and left them be... Cause I had the choice to not have anything to do with them..", "w..what are you implying?" 

You licked your dry lips, looking shortly away in thought before you looked back at him. 

"Killing you wouldn't have been satisfying at the end, you know.. There's nothing satisfying about killing a person.. I don't know how you all can do that but I had a mental breakdown. On that note.. I would like to confess something to you Kazuya.. and only you.. a little confession that no one knows about", you sat up, cupping his cheeks as you brought him closer in to your face, softly confessing, "I don't get satisfaction from killing people as a punishment... But I get immense satisfaction from mentally torturing them and breaking them apart."

He looked at you with wide eyes, gulping as he didn't know what to do, his mind racing. 

"You know what that means?", you asked but the only he did was shook his head. "Kazuya...", you softly called out. He was like in a trance, his eyes fixated on yours, getting lost in them. "Kazuya..", you called out once more to which he hummed in response, "I fucking hate you..."

He froze, his eyes widening even more as he shook his head left and right. Not able to comprehend what you just said, the softness of your voice contrasting to the harsh words you were spitting at him.

"I do.. I do hate you so fucking much. I wish you had never returned into my life.. I had forgotten about you.. It should've stayed that way. You're nothing but a fucking monster in my eyes!" 

He pushed the chair away, stumbling back as he shook his head repeatedly. Grabbing his hair, trying to keep himself from loosing it as your words echoed in his mind over and over. 

The words, 'I hate you' and 'you're a fucking monster', spinning in his mind. 

You laid back down, your eyes shifting towards the hospital window before you started talking again, making him look at you his heart ripping apart in his chest from the cruel words you were sprouting at him. 

The last sentence, making him overcome with a sudden numbness. His mind going blank as he stumbled back, his back hitting the wall, sliding it down. Burying his face into his hands...

"There's a saying and it goes like this... You can only truly hate someone when you've loved them before.... Kazuya... I don't ever wanna fucking see you again.. Leave and never come back..", you turned one last time to him as his now numb eyes looked at yours

"do me a favor.. and rot in hell for me.. would ya'?"