Pandas Bamboo •A Rant Book•

the fuck

WARNING!!!

MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND A LOT OF CUSSING INVOLVED.

You know what I don't understand? Why is it okay for people to tell us what we can and can't wear?! If I feel confident enough in my body to let myself wear a crop top, then let me!

My own fucking mother keeps saying that it doesn't fit my body type and I'm to young but I know damn well the was wearing worse at my age! And she is basically body shaming me.

Its not okay! If this really is a FREE COUNTRY then why cant I wear whatever I want to wear? And why is it okay for schools to dress code girls for wearing a tank top?

Is society that THAT messed up that they can't control themselves over a fucking shoulder or a fucking thigh? Like honestly, its not even the boy students that it bothers, its the fucking staff that can't control themselves.

And that goes to show how messed up this fucking world is! These days, schools don't really care what the skinny, fit girls wear but as soon as a bigger type girl, like myself, wears something a TINY BIT shorter than the rules, that you don't even notice that much, she is immediately sent to the office and told to change.

People need to stop hating each other and show respect. Like what the actual fuck happened to the world. What made it so fucking messed up?!

Its like, if you aren't wearing name brand or you don't listen to the type of music everyone else does, you're poor. Like no bitch, I just don't want to be petty like you.

Maybe I don't have money for shit like that. Maybe I don't want to 'fit in' cause at this point everyone has to change themselves to fit in with people that struggle to be who everyone thinks they are!

And whenever someone has mental health issues everyone ignores the signs and says that they just want attention but as soon as someone dies from a suicide, they want to act like they care.

Bitch if you didn't care about me when I was alive, don't you dare even TRY to care about me when I'm dead. And yes, I have mental health issues so I know from personal experience what it feels like!

People act like they're my friend, but out of everyone that I still talk to after quarantine, nobody was excited for me to return to school. You wanna know who did? The most popular girl in school did.

And I'm not even friends with her anymore! We have barely spoken to each other since forth fucking grade. She saw me, and her face lit up. I didn't even tell her about my surgery and she asked how it was and if I was okay.

You could see pure happiness in her eyes! And it made me feel like someone actually cared. But it fucking sucks how the only one that cared was the girl that I haven't spoke to since fourth grade.

And back to the clothing thing, all the girls my age wear whatever they want! But yet if I walk out of my room with the slightest part of my stomach showing I have to change because 'my body isn't made for it'.

Hearing those words come out of your own mothers mouth, hits you like a truck. I've starved myself trying to lose weight because I have always thought that my body is ugly and I'm not good enough, just because of what my own fucking family says to me.

What the fuck happened to 'family is family no matter what'?! Aren't we all supposed to stick together and love one another cause my family all hates each other! Not to mention is VERY homophobic so I have to hide my own fucking sexuality.

That shouldn't have to be the way it is. I shouldn't have to hide from my own family. This world is fucking sickening these days.