hiii! its been awhile but i have a lot to rant ab.
so for starters, my break did help a lot. i worked on myself and got me into a good mindset. but here recently something happened and now im back at square one again.
on march 6, 2022 my mom passed away. she hit her head really hard and if she would have made it, she would have been brain dead and not able to do anything. so it would've been our decision to have her put to rest or not. but, God decided that he wasn't gonna put us through that and carried her home that day.
she hasn't left my mind since. i normally don't have a problem with keeping my feelings to myself, like I have a journal and id write out how im feeling and stuff like that, but here recently i've been an emotional wreck.
last thursday, i broke down in the arms of my favourite teacher, on the way to 6th period. i cried in her arms for about 5 mins before the principle came to get me. he took me to class then i went to the bathroom to calm down and collect myself. luckily one of my best friends was in there and so i told her about it. she pulled me into a hug and she let me cry on her shoulder.
after that i calmed down for the most part, but i started crying again in class. then the teacher asked the girl at my table what was wrong and so i forced myself to stop crying. i then started crying again in 7th period and so yeah.
i only cried for a few mins in 7th though, so that wasnt as bad. but yeah.
my mom was my hero bro. and i never got a chance to say goodbye or anything. she passed in the ambulance otw to the hospital. it fucking kills me how i never got a chance to make her proud, and live out our plans. she was gonna plan my wedding! my fucking wedding! and now she isn't.
we had plans to get matching tattoos when i turn 18, but now all that shit is down the fucking drain. and idk what im supposed to do bc everyone keeps giving me pity and sympathy about it but its fucking annoying.
and i keep getting asked how im doing like they expect me to be like "im perfectly fine. im so happy its like nothing ever happened" like wtf do they expect me to say cause im not ab to sit there and tell them that i blame myself every fucking day for her passing.
if i never would've left that damn bathroom she would still be here! if i wasn't so damn worried about getting ready for church this would've never happened. she would still be here, and i wouldn't be crying everyday watching my brother and dad being torn apart.
but yeah. i needed to get that out. so if u read this thanks but uhm yeah.
YOU ARE READING
Pandas Bamboo •A Rant Book•
Randomthis is for my random mind to add things into it. don't feel like you have to reed if you see this.
