𝙑𝙞𝙗𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙉'𝙃𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙣

Chapter 𝙀𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣

Enez Lyons
Nina's Townhouse
6:43 p.m.

I'm a murderer. I see that everywhere. Like it's written into Nina's hallway mirror. Like it's written into the TV. Like it's written across my friends faces.

Especially Die's.

And God how can I even say Dynera's nickname without thinking of what I've done? And how can I even say God's name without feeling evil?

I'm so silent that my words must be frozen. Never to be thawed out again as Nina comforts my sister- what I should be doing and Dynera tries to pretend like she isn't watching me.

My actions are the elephant in the room.

Will I turn myself in? Will they do it for me? Is everyone waiting for me to admit that I killed Killa. That sneaky nigga Todd? Londynn's new boo, apparently. She was clutching him as he died. I thought about killing her too but I was frozen.

Frozen in fear even though I possessed a weapon that could take lives with one fire.

What's wrong with me?

"Enez," Dynera repeats.

"No," I shake my head, cold tears dribbling down my face.

"Enez, they'll understand," her words trail away.

No, they won't. Nina gave me an illegal gun. I left Missouri City with the gun at the Riley's home to come to the party. I'm going to jail. No worse- I'll go to prison! No more Dynera. No more Nina.

No more Eda.

I start sobbing and Dynera wraps her arms around me, her comforting scent like a warm hug. After all my time trying to protect my sister and those that I loved- I'll be the one ripped away from them because of Killa. That gang will find another leader. Londynn can find a new boyfriend. Nina can get a new friend. Dynera can get a new girlfriend.

But Eda will never get another sister.

"I'm sorry Eda," I repeat over and over, my sobs too loud as I hiccup and cough, and cry.

"Enez, it isn't your fault," my sister comes over to embrace me. And then they're all hugging me.

Trying to excuse the crime that I committed.

I killed Killa.

I killed Killa.

I. Killed. Killa.

"I know a way you won't have to go to prison, Enez."

My head snaps up to look at Nina and they all pull back from me. I know they moved back so they could listen to what Nina had to say, but that small action alone only makes me feel even more lonely.

Even more guilty.

"Let me handle things. Just tell me some shit about the gang. Some info. And I'll have shit handled," Nina tells me, a determined and solid expression on her face. "Nina I don't want you to get involved-

"There you go, protecting everybody, Enez," she says quietly. "Let us protect you."

I look around at all of them.

I mean, really look at them.

They're willing to protect me because I protected them. Because I cared for them. Memories of the way I interacted with them fly through my mind. I had never been a certain way to get a certain outcome with them. I had always been kind and fun and honest because that's who I am.

Now all of that unintentional "me-ness" is being paid back to me. "Thank you," I say sincerely, especially to Nina. It hurts to look at Eda and Dynera. I don't want to see the disappointment that probably lingers in their eyes.

"Enez, look up," Eda says calmly.

I slowly raise my eyes to view my younger sister.

She's a woman now. I see that a part of her has become wise. That's she's crossed from a child's mind- an older child's mind to an adult's. "Nobody here is judging you. Nobody here is blaming you. You care for all of us, let us care for you."

Eda and I hug tightly, just Eda and I.

It doesn't always have to be like that.

I see that now.

(Another Month Later)

The party is still all over the news but nothing about Killa has came up. Apparently a big prostitution ring and weed business had been discovered. Nina told me she would handle things and she seemed to be true to her word. She won't reveal to me exactly what she had done, but I know that with the name of the Baltimore gang, their rivals, and all I knew about their territory- she had somehow wiped Killa off the map and his death.

I eat my cereal with shaky hands. Nina's parents had been uneasy about Eda and I staying here initially, and honestly a bit suspicious but because of how we put in our weight, we were fine. Chores, favors, running errands for them.

Dynera had to return home to her angry, questioning parents but they allow her to visit here from time to time.

Despite everyone's words, I still wonder if they see me as someone unstable...someone dangerous.

Any day now me and Eda's letter should come in. I say me and Eda's letter because it shapes both of our futures. I'd be the legal guardian of her. Under special circumstances the court would permit it as long as we were checked on every three weeks by someone they appointed. The Riley's allow me and Eda to stay over here for now, and I'm grateful.

"Enez!" Eda shouts out.

The entire house stops for a moment.

"Is it the letter?" Nina's mother gives us a small smile. I know that three teenagers in the same household when it only used to be one could be a pain, but I also know that some part of her didn't want us to go quite yet.

"Yes," Eda exclaims. She hands it to me and let's me rip it up. It is. It's been approved!

I had already put down some money for an apartment, the last trickle of my savings from selling weed, and Mr. Riley had agreed to put his name down so that I could even get the apartment.

A bunch of legal stuff later, and we'd be moving in by a few weeks. Nina comes out of the bathroom with toothpaste all over her lips. "What happened?" she holds her toothbrush limply. I rush over and embrace her, grateful for everything that she's down for my sister and I.

"The letter!" I exclaim.

I don't think I've ever been this happen before. I feel like a child during Christmas. "The letter?" Nina repeats, confused, then her face breaks out into a smile. A feeling of utter happiness spreads from my center throughout me. Everything that I've ever wanted can come true now.

I can protect my little sister.

"You better take care of me when I get old," I tell Eda as I put the letter back into the envelope for safe keeping. "Mhm, I certainly will," she smiles up at me. How I ever had hated her or was annoyed by her, I don't know. I realize Eda for the gift she is- something my parent's created but surely did not cultivate.

Eda is her own person, my joy, and my sister.

"I love you," she mumbled, tears springing to her eyes. I repeat the phrase back although words can not explain...this. She's like a daughter to me almost.

"You gotta tell Dynera," she wipes her face off.

Dynera seemed to be keeping her distance from me nowadays. I had assumed she didn't want to deal with me anymore. For the safety of her and her mother- I dealt with the horrible pain.

Guilty by association you know? What if someone came after the ones I cared for?

"I'll try to. Maybe we all can go to the park and talk," I suggest. Eda agrees and goes to get ready. I sit back down and finish my cereal, waiting for Dynera to text me back.