𝙑𝙞𝙗𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙉'𝙃𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙣

Chapter 𝙉𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣

(Continuation of Enez's POV)

"And so we all commence here today," Nina joked as Eda, her, and I approach Dynera waiting on a wooden table, feet resting on the bench.

"You're fucking silly, Nina," Dynera laughs.

Is it just me or does Dynera sound different? Is everybody getting grown now? Do I seem more wise? Or can everyone see the pain in my eyes? The guilt about what I've done.

Dynera finds my eyes. Can she see it too?

"Can we talk?" I ask softly.

Dynera and I stand off to the side. We sit below a tree as I intertwine my hands with hers. I'm sure from afar we look like two stud friends, having a chat. In reality, we're something more than all of that. More than labels and more than boundaries. "I need to say this, so things can be real." I sigh. "Well, things are real but...this- look, this just has to be said."

Dynera waits for me to speak patiently.

"I killed Todd. And I'm also in love with you."

"I know this." Did she really just laugh? "Why else would Nina cover up things? She got the rival gang to take over Killa's former gang and to also cover up his death." I pale. I hadn't known all of that. "But," I search Dynera's face. "Why would you still...speak to me if you knew I was a murderer?"

"Because," Dynera stares down at her lap.

"I don't know," she says at last. "I really don't know, Enez. Something in me just knows that's not who you are. You didn't do it for fun, for pleasure, because you were forced to. You did it to protect your sister and those you care about. I can't really judge you. I have an uncle who served in the military and he killed people just the same. I loved him despite that and he killed people- not just one person. I firmly believe that no matter what someone does, they never should be harmed physically nor killed. But I have to think about your situation in a unique way, Enez."

Her brown eyes stare into mine.

"You were protecting."

"His family is probably grieving," I whisper.

"Then let them grieve because they fucked up an innocent child. Somewhere along the way he became corrupted and I'm sure no one did anything to stop it, did they?" she argues strongly.

She was right. Countless times growing up I had seen his behavior excused because he was a male or because that was just the environment we were apart of.

"Let them grieve. I'd be glad someone as bad as him was gone if I were his family. But they only see the good of him. We had to experience the bad," Dynera grimaces. "I don't blame you, Enez. Nobody does. But what you did wasn't right. I don't know if we can be together."

Dynera starts to stand up and I stand too.

"Wait? You're just leaving like that?"

"Enez. Y- I can't," she just shakes her head.

"So," I'm quiet for a long time, "I meant it when I said I wanted to die." My last sentence is so quiet that I didn't think Dynera heard me. I stare across the park and imagine me hanging from a big, sturdy tree.

"What, Enez?" Dynera demands sharply.

"Nothing," I whisper and walk towards Eda and Nina. Eda 's smiling too much and I don't like the way Nina has her player smile on.

"Enez," Dynera grabs my arm and makes me focus on her. She suddenly kisses me but I can't enjoy it. If she doesn't want me, why let her have me?

"Enez. Stupid fool, this means I'm taking you back. I wanted to see your reaction and we gotta work on your 'being rejected' skills. Suicide, really? Now kiss me like you mean it," Dynera growls.

We kiss, our tongues searching for each other's and becoming happily reunited.

"Ahem."

Dynera and I break apart and I'm shocked to see an older version of her. And a man besides her.

"This is um," Dynera blushed, "my mom and her boyfriend. I sort of consider him my dad a bit," she shrugs. I blush and give them a tiny wave like they didn't just see me sucking all over their daughter's face. "I'm Enez."

"Perhaps you all would like to come back to the house for a barbecue?" Dynera's mother asked.

She barely looks at me. Is that bad?

We all nod and pile into our respective vehicles. Dynera is furiously texting me in embarrassment, claiming that her mother's boyfriend (aka her third parent, as she calls him) is going on about protection.

"Damn, in front of the parents, Enez," Nina smirks at me. I glance between Eda and Nina. "Talking about me but y'all acting like I ain't see y'all."

"Whatever do you mean?" Eda attempts to blink innocently, but her days of innocence were over.

"Mhm." All I know is that Nina bet not break my sister's heart or another person might end up dead.

A pant of guilt vibrates through my heart.

I mourn Todd like he was a person I knew and loved. Not a person I hated and who had ripped my life up by the roots. And tossed the discarded wig on the floor, might I add. I wonder if this feeling of guilt mixed with grief will ever leave me? I wonder if I'll ever be able to enjoy my new life?

Hopefully so, because I see so many great things that could happen. With Eda, with Dynera, with Nina, with coming to peace about my parents.

Things just might be okay.

A rap itches my thoughts. It's wasn't anything great, just more so a rough draft at heart or maybe something that flowed from me. I was more so a songwriter not someone who could spontaneously bend words to their abrupt needs. Nah, that wasn't me. This rap was me though.

Me and everything I care for.

So I whisper it to myself. "I want Dynera, like the money...and I want the cars, drop top when it's sunny. And I think I see the stars when my girl comes run-ning. She caught me like she Cupid, in some love. Cause she sumin...sent from above. Ain't pure like a dove, ain't what I'm searching for. I wanna tough shorty who can handle what's in store. And when I get this bread up, ima spoil us wit Dior. While shorty let me drink dat milk up...she gon spoil me some mo. Eda, my sister, my rider. Nina my new friend...so loyal- she tied down. Tied down by the bounds of friendships and hopefully not my sis, make Londynn wanna hide now. Imagine being so corrupted that you risk two people life's now. I'm tired now. Not too tired to visit my girl's Mom, not too tired to consider taking my shawty to da prom. Not too tired to keep the haters at a distance, not too disloyal to pray to Jesus every min-nute. Or I might be...I've lost a lot. My girl's daddy got shot. I see the way she looks broken...like someone threw a rock, and I know I am chosen to heal up her fallen parts. And I know that together, we'll be sumin that can-not be stopped...Peace."

(Look I had minimal time to write the rap, I know it's probably bad 😭😭...can't believe I wanna be a songwriter 🥲)