If There Was Love For Me

17. July

My dear diary ,

it is near the end of my first week as the princesses Maid in Waiting. Only now I have found a moment of quiet to spill my heart to you, and even now it is done in secret, by the light of a candle. I don't believe my writing would anger the princess, she is a kind mistress and I have as little fear of her as is appropriate for my situation. Still I simply didn't have the time to sit down and write, since we are always together with the princess, who likes to occupy herself with all sorts games and amusements, for all of which our full attention is required.

I am not complaining about this in any way. On the contrary I find my new situation as pleasant as I could find anything, spending my day surrounded by kind friends, studying, reading, talking and playing together. The princess enjoys taking us on long walks in the garden, where we often take our tea. I have also been blessed to hear her play piano, which has been as great as everybody has led me to believe it would be. One day, when I feel more confident around my new companions I might offer to sing with her, but that will have to wait a while.

As for my new companions, I feel I am warming up to them, and they to me. I assume Lillian will take some time to get used to me, she is as sweet as she is shy, but I have no reason at all to think ill of her. Despite her lack of talking she seems like a kind and intelligent young woman and I can strongly relate to her aversion to speaking, as I myself have long struggled with this problem. I believe we shall soon be friends.

With the other two, Francesca and Charlotte, I still have my problems understanding them. Not that they have been anything but kind to me since my arrival, but I feel like they are never showing me all their cards. I think that is what I am trying to say. I feel like everybody here is playing a game of cards that I have not been invited too, so while I am included in all the conversations I am watching them play and trying to figure out all the rules.

But in the end, I am still very happy to not have joined the convent. The princess is a wonderful woman, her friends are kind and welcoming and even if I occasionally miss the peace and quiet I will never miss a friend as long as I am staying with the princess, and for that I am thankfull.

Now I must leave you, for despite the princesses snoring I want to catch some sleep before the sun rises. Good night and be well.