If There Was Love For Me

16 - Finally

The days, that had moved so slowly while Maria was waiting for her freedom, now passed faster and faster, as the day of her punishment was set. It was clear that the kind didn't want her to be able to join a nunnery, presumably because he realized that Maria wasn't the only girl in the palace in which a new love had awoken. Even worse for Maria, the king had subsequently denied the princess the right to visit the dungeon and Maria was left alone and scared.

It was on a lonely Christmas morning for Maria, until Charlotte came running into the room, a letter in hand.

"It came! It came! Maria it came, they wrote back! Come on, open it!"

With a shaky hand, Maria reached for the letter, but pulled back before she reached it. "No. I don't think I can. You need to read it for me, please."

"Okay. But I am sure it will be a yes. It must be, why wouldn't they take you?" Maria stopped her self from listing all the reasons why they shouldn't and just watched anxiously as Charlotte opened the letter.

"Oh..."

"What?"

"Nothing. ...  huh ..."

"What?"

"I am still reading, wait a second. .... ah ... oh..."

"What?"

"She has only written about god and circumstances and all that. This letter is really long. Just give me a moment and I will tell you as soon as I know."

"Okay."

From that Charlotte said ah and oh and huh with out Maria interrupting her reading, despite her growing more visibly anxious with every second. This continued until Charlotte finally uttered a scream.

"Yes! Yes, she says yes! As any sheep of the lord you are welcome to join them! She has arranged for a carriage to get you on the 30th, so that on new years you will meet them in the convent! You are saved!"

"Great," said Maria and offered a halve smile.

"Are you not happy? Is something wrong?"

"I am sorry. Those really are the best news I could have gotten at a time like this, but it still means leaving Gwen. We barely had any time together, not really. It must seem silly to you, for we should not be together in the first place, but knowing that I love her, that she loves me and that we still haven't spent a single day as lover breaks me. Even more, to think that I could have loved her all the time, but didn't, because I was scared. How happy I am to have met her is tainted by how sad I am to leave her, and I am afraid I am inconsolable."

"Of course you are, it was stupid of me not to realize. I should have been more considerate to your situation. It is true, imagining a girl having those kinds of feelings for another girls seems strange to me and, if I am honest, I didn't even think about what this must feel like for you. But, if this is any consolation to you, even I can see how much Gwen loves you. She has been depressed since you are down here and only cheered up the day she visited you. If she talks, she talks about you and she spend all her energy on convincing the king to let you go."

"I know you mean well, but knowing that I am causing her pain only worsens mine. It is one thing having to leave her, it is a whole other thing to know her in pain."

"I am sorry. I wish I could do anything to help you, to make this better."

"There is a favor I want to ask of you. Gwen isn't the only person in this palace I am going to miss, and while I can not see her I may be visited by the other ones. So if you could, would you make sure that my Johanna, the kitchen help, Franceca, Lillian and most importantly my mother come to visit me before my soon departure? I would hate to leave with out saying good bye to them."

"Of course I will, though I am sure they would want to visit you anyway, once they hear that you will leave us soon."

"Then will you promise me to visit again too? I don't feel able to say good bye to you today, I want to postpone it, if only for a day."

"Of course I will." With a sad smile Charlotte went to hug Maria and didn't let go for a long time. "Just so you know, if I had any power I would change it so you and Gwen could be together."

"But we don't have power, do we?"

"It seems like we don't." There was again a sad smile exchanged between them.